“I was just thinking about my funeral and stuff a couple days ago and thinking who would be at the funeral. People who I want to be in the funeral? I wanna have world leaders that were, like, affected, that said, you know, ‘Kanye gave me my shot here.’”
Kanye West
In a very good article which addresses society’s need to address the consequences of technological advances in medicine, Dr Alex Lickerman says this:
The notion that dying is a right seems nonsensical to argue: death is given to all of us equally without the need of anyone’s sanction. The right to die well, on the other hand—well, that’s another matter entirely. A good death is, in many cases, something our fellow human beings have great power to grant or deny, and is therefore, sadly, a right for which we must indeed fight.
The notion that we’d even need to fight for the right to die well has only come to make sense relatively recently, within the last forty years or so. Prior to that, our ability to prolong dying—meaning, keep extremely ill people going in hopes that they might overcome whatever health problem threatens even when the likelihood is vanishingly small—was actually fairly limited. But with the advent of modern intensive care units and all the amazing technology that’s emerged in the last four decades, we can now stretch the quantity of out our last days often to weeks or even months. Unfortunately, a similar stretching of quality hasn’t yet occurred; if anything, we see the opposite (to be fair, the same technology also stretches some lives to years and even decades, meaning it’s enabled some people to recover from insults that in the past would have undoubtedly killed them).
… … …
Though I’m pledged to prolong life where I can, I’m also pledged to alleviate pointless suffering. Thus, I very much believe in the right of people to freely choose the method and time of their own demise when they find themselves in circumstances where such a choice has become the only option to relieve their pointless suffering. We remain profoundly uncomfortable as a society with this position, but our own technological advances will eventually force us to embrace it. As more and more people die in needless pain and more and more people sit watching, eventually, I believe, we will accumulate enough collective experience to make peace with the notion that what we currently do with our pets is far more humane than what we mostly do with each other.
Read the entire article here.
From the Chicago Sun-Times:
Dear Abby: “Saddened in New Jersey” (Oct. 2) complained that her sister’s 4-year-old daughter put stickers on the hands and face of her deceased grandmother during her wake.
Find out what Abby said next here.
I first heard Adele’s song at the funeral of a young boy who died by suicide earlier this year. Songs are like that. They can become woven around memories of events that made a strong emotional impact on us. The depth of grief I witnessed among his friends was heartbreaking. One of them who spoke buy cialis tablets australia during the funeral could barely hold himself together. The life he had known was shattered; the future he might have had with his friend had been stolen from him. Grief had wounded him in a way he had possibly never known until that moment.
Read the whole article in the Irish Times here.
“But our machines have now been running 70 or 80 years, and we must expect that, worn as they are, here a pivot, there a wheel, now a pinion, next a spring, will be giving way; and however we may tinker them up for a while, all will at length surcease motion.”
Thomas Jefferson, 1814
Anyone who knows the funeral industry knows that large swathes of it regard evolution with fear and loathing. Last week’s blog about funeral directors who post their prices on their website will have affected a good many of their fellows with F & L. It is beneath the dignity of a funeral director to resort to open competition on price and service.
We know all about funeral directors’ amour propre here at the GFG where, despite our support for brilliant boutique undertakers, the trade body which represents the independents, SAIF, will not speak to us. Consumer scrutiny, even when favourable, would seem to be an affront to the dignity of this secular priesthood.
A common affliction of funeral directors is self-importance. When this self-importance is piqued the effects can be revealing, and not in a good way. For an especially revealing example, pop across to the Lovingly Managed blog here. Prepare to be horrified.
Regular blog reader Melissa Stewart has been getting into the spirit of Christmas by burning incense made by the Cistercian monks of Prinknash Abbey in Gloucestershire. “I like the waft when I’m singing carols,” she says.
She writes to suggest that incense would work well for some funerals. It all depends on the venue, of course — you couldn’t do it at the crem. But she’s absolutely right in suggesting that, as all good religions know, a good funeral should appeal to all the senses. Secularists, take notice.
You can order best-quality incense online from Prinknash (pronounced ‘Prinnash’) Abbey and pay for it through PayPal. It comes in a range of scents, some of which, as you might have supposed, are created from secret recipes.
Find the Prinknash Abbey website here.
Intriguing piece here from the Standard, ‘Kenya’s Bold Newspaper’ satirising modern funeral fads in a countrywhere oneupmanship is, according to the author, so rampant and absurd that ‘Even someone who dies in a Nairobi, Mombasa, Nakuru hospital or at a witchdoctor’s dungeon, is reported to have died in London, Germany or the US.’ and ‘if the departed is a man, his closest male cousins and friends silently eye his widow, wondering at what point they will exploit her loneliness and lecherously crawl into her bed.’
Allow for a little hyperbole.
Kenyans go crazy for the wrong reasons when someone dies. It is like the spirit of the dead conjures up madness and makes normal people lose their heads.
Funerals are these days an occasion to show off one’s wealth, clothes and might, a time for manicure and pedicure, stylish hair cuts, three-piece black suits and bow ties, gigantic black goggles, bottles of mineral water, alcohol and a motor show for who drives the best car. And since the dead cannot see, this great show is for the living.
It is at funerals that eulogies about schools people never went to are created, companies people never worked for and ‘fake relatives’, who are naturally buy cialis 5mg canada doctors, engineers, teachers and other PhD holders in fields like aeronautical engineering, authentic methodology, and non-existent flights to countries the deceased never stepped in are conjured.
Recently, a hair stylist in Nairobi’s Central Business District died, only for the family and other mourners to get embarrassed at the burial in western Kenya.
The family had indicated in the eulogy that their daughter owned a ‘big’ salon in Nairobi and employed over 50 beauticians. But by a strange twist of fate, a well-fed bleached woman arrived in the homestead wailing and eulogising Tabitha, her ‘employee’.
“Uuwi,” she wailed.
“What killed Taby, my best worker! She was excellent at braiding weaves. She was so talented in putting chemical in people’s hair. Where will I get customers? Uwiii!” Tabitha’s boss wailed as she dramatically ran around the homestead.
The master of ceremony was so impressed by her antics that even though the speeches were over, he allowed her to address mourners. That was when she spilled the beans that Tabitha was one of her staff.
To save an embarrassing situation, the pastor quickly shouted, “Let us pray,” as the bemused crowd murmured in protest wanting to hear more about Tabitha’s ‘company’.
Whole article here.
By Richard Rawlinson
Today’s elderly, even when not religious, are more likely to choose a funeral conducted by a priest (pastor/vicar depending on denomination) than a secular celebrant. Given the choice between a person in a robe or business suit, they opt for the former. Their decision seems as natural to them as taking the dog to the vet rather than the local homoeopath on yell.com, even if they were aware of the alternative choice.
This generational conventionalism is set to be eroded in the years to come as today’s middle aged – more strident in their secularism – plan their send-offs. Instead of feeling comforted by the involvement of those in holy orders, many see the religiosity of the ensuing services as more hindrance than help: they don’t feel the need for prayers for their immortal souls; the division of limelight between God and the deceased might bore their attendant family and friends; and, worse still, some priests seem to jump at the opportunity to proselytise to this captive audience of non-churchgoers. Rarely successfully.
So the swords are crossed. Teams huddle to plan strategy. Neither opponent is in it for financial reward, although they’d both welcome a steadier stream of cheques from those who choose their service. At the moment, the priests have the virtual monopoly (about 465,000 of the 500,000 who die in the UK each year, according to the National Association of Funeral Directors). But for how long?
The motives on both sides are honourable by and large. They want to give the deceased and bereaved the funeral they deserve: smooth-running, comforting, memorable, moving, inspiring, beautiful, profound. If any professional pride comes into play, it’s because they’re aware of the inherent communication skills, charisma and hard graft required to pull off such a feat.
The clergy assess their situation. It’s important to remind ourselves here that priests come in all forms from the extremes of progressive and conservative to varying shades in the middle. To complicate human nature further, all types can seem loving, intelligent and charismatic to some, and annoying to others. A darling of liberals might seem muddled to the traditionalist. Muscular orthodoxy might seem intrusive and domineering to those who prefer TV’s amiable Rev. What’s more, whether woolly or forthright, both camps can be either good or bad communicators: some people literally exude star quality, others lead us to assume they must have had their heads shoved down the lavatory at school.
When addressing the slow but steady loss to civil celebrants of funerals within their parish community, it’s inevitable there’s disagreement among these men (and women) in holy orders about the best ways to keep death ritual in the religious sphere.
They may comfort themselves that funeral directors still tend to put most ‘business’ their way (more blogs on why this is, please). Clergy might also feel at an advantage as they don’t just deal professionally in death like some in the funeral industry: they’re the shepherds of living parishioners, who they see at church and during school and hospital visits; who they baptise, confirm, marry and counsel in times of need. Their churches are not linked only to dying and visited under duress like the crematoria.
But they’d be unwise to be complacent about the growing demand for good where to buy tadalafil uk secular celebrants. Like the clergy, these celebrants come in various shapes and sizes. Some appeal to the more forthright atheist, others – believing in bespoke service – more readily tailor their service to audiences made of different faiths and none, perhaps going along with requests for prayers, hymns, and so forth.
This in some ways places them head to head with the more liberal members of the clergy, those who are keen to adapt to mixed congregations, both atheist-lites and those simply without strong religious convictions. In ‘market’ terms, this is rich picking. Of the four in 10 Brits who claim membership of the Church of England, it’s clear many are secularists, who increasingly see hypocrisy in using their church simply for baptisms, weddings, funerals and the Christmas carol service. The NAFD has confirmed that most of those choosing non-religious funerals were ‘hatch, match, dispatch’ Protestants, whereas lapsed Catholics remain more likely to uphold the ceremonial traditions of their forefathers, hedging their bets, so to speak.
This leads to consideration of various ongoing debates here at GFG: the discussion about secular ritual, whether religion-inspired or not; the shared, non-denominational nature of crematoria, and the call for faith groups to adjust to mixed funeral audiences.
The latter discussion point, in particular, depends on personal taste. I’d happily pay respects at a secular or multi-faith funeral at a crematorium, but I’d choose for myself a requiem mass in a Catholic church followed by a graveside committal on consecrated ground. I’d want less emphasis on eulogy in the homily, and more on praying for my immortal soul in Purgatory. Loved ones can celebrate my life before and after the mass, if they so wish, but I’d hope, whether they’re secular or from a different faith group, they’d accept my wish to keep the sacred mass centred on (my) God.
It should not be a ‘duty’ to homogenise all funerals to make them inclusive of all. When the culture is strong, it trumps good manners. When the culture is not a heartfelt issue, then general consensus can take over. There’s a difference between multicultural society and pluralist society. In society, cultures do not all mix as one homogenous whole but they should be able to coexist peacefully with their different cultures respected by others.
A multifaith funeral may indeed be a good thing, perhaps for the majority today. But, for the minority of resolute religious or indeed militant atheists, there will always be some things too important to compromise.
This has been the case with decades of ecumenical conferences held by different Christian denominations striving unrealistically for unity on key issues. Ecumenism more often than not means disparate groups getting together to proselytise their own cause. I’d rather a smaller Church that’s not diluted than a bigger Church that’s lost its meaning.
Ed’s note: If this has got you thinking, you may be interested in a Muslim view of traditional religious funeral culture vs the way we are today. Here’s a taster: “For the first time in my life, I really needed religion to give me solace, but here I was, listening to an unfamiliar language where the word “devil” kept popping up, alarming rather than comforting me.” Full article in the Guardian here.
How’s it going with the Christmas shopping? Look, with time running out, it’s time to get going.
Here at the GFG-Batesville Tower we like to support our own — the people who share our values. There are precious few of these in the high street for, verily, they are a precious few.
One of the precious few is Yuli Somme of Bellacouche. She is a felt maker, originator of the wonderful LeafShroud and Leafcocoon, burial shrouds for adults and chidren respectively. In addition to being an incredibly nice person she also signs up to values that most of us can only aspire to – wistfully. She is committed to: support local wool producers and pay a fair price; source organically whenever practical and possible; use rare breed fleece when practical; compost all waste after recycling options have been achieved; use local buy tadalafil 270 online processors and related businesses to limit wool miles; offer commitment and integrity towards customers; enjoy my work.
Yuli makes a range of felt products, all of which would make really good Christmas presents. Here are some:
Decorative mobile. Fits into a greetings card. £5.50
Woolsack Minikit. All you need to make this felt necklace. £8.00
Felt insoles. Great for walkers – and snowbound undertakers. £6.00 pr, 3 for £15.00
Oven gloves with a choice of motifs. £25.00
Tea cosy, chicken or dog. £45.00
Tuffet. ‘Three layers of lovely thick felt form a cushioning and insulating mat between you and a hard chair, damp grass, or other place you choose to sit.’ £30.00
Order online direct from Yuli. Pay by PayPal. Couldn’t be easier. Astound your friends and loved ones with your good taste and originality. Find Yuli’s website here.
All photographs copyright Yuli Somme.
