Here at the Good Funeral Guide ,we’re very proud of our unique accreditation programme. We look at each funeral business entirely from a consumer point of view. It’s thorough, it’s thoughtful and explores every aspect of what goes into, or what should go into, creating and running a funeral for the person who’s died, and the people around them.
We only recommend companies that we would have no hesitation in choosing for ourselves, so that the general public can be safe in the knowledge that they are getting the very best of service from a funeral director who is able to respond to their needs and wishes.
We don’t recommend companies that are run by large corporate interests with their set ‘we don’t think it’s broken so we won’t fix it’ model of working. Recently, one of our directors was reminded of the reason why.
She found herself working with a branch of one such corporation. This business is seeking to raise its public profile, no doubt due to the fact that it made an estimated loss of £11m in 2023. It has launched an advertising campaign encouraging people to have conversations about what kind of funeral they’d like to have.
In these adverts we see real people talking to each other about colourful attire, different kinds of hearses, brass bands, sunflowers and exploding one’s cremated remains into the sky. The adverts advocate that talking about death should be a normal part of life and to make sure that your funeral is not the same as everyone else’s.
They’ve also made a TV show about celebrities planning the funeral of a fellow, (still alive) celebrity, along the lines of ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’. In the episodes, we see the celebrity deep in conversation with a corporately dressed funeral arranger, where nothing is too much trouble.
But in truth, this does not translate to the services on the ground.
For a start, there is no longer a branch on every high street, as one bereaved family discovered when they found themselves ringing round to see which was their nearest branch that wasn’t either already closed down or closing, because the person at the other end in a call centre didn’t know. The family was trying to arrange for the body of their person to be collected.
The same family then found that this company was unable to facilitate the coffin sitting on trestles next to them during the ceremony, rather than being far away on the catafalque.
Married for 65 years, his widow wanted to be by her husband’s side right until the end. It would have been easy to arrange, it just needed trestles provided and staff available to lift the coffin respectfully onto the catafalque at the end of the ceremony.
But the bearers weren’t able to stay for 30 minutes to make this happen.
‘That’s not how it works’ the arranger told the celebrant.
‘Can you arrange for the bearers to not have to rush off?’
‘That’s not how it works, and I have no authority to change that. I can ask my manager, but they’ll probably say no’.
The solution? For it to either be business as usual or for the coffin to be on an electric wheeled bier during the ceremony and then mechanically hoisted onto the catafalque at the end for the moments of silence.
Funeral operatives may be used to this clinical looking piece of machinery, but the public are not. And let’s face, it they are pretty ugly.
‘Can we put a cloth over it?’
‘That’s not how it works’.
It could work, it could be made to work for the bereaved family, as a substitution for the apparently impossible ask of having the coffin placed on trestles, but even this small token effort of trying to make a difficult day a little easier for their client and her family was too much work for the company.
We know that individual branches may be run by kind, helpful, efficient people who go the extra mile. There are some lovely people working for corporate funeral directors. But even the smallest personal touches can’t be guaranteed, especially not with staff shortages and branch closures and plunging company profits. Corners have to be cut, targets met, time management prioritised.
This is why we only ever recommend independent funeral directors.
We believe they are far more able to respond to individual needs and wishes, to be flexible and creative and to work with each client to create a funeral that is right for them. Mostly small companies, who can be flexible even on the smallest of detail. And it’s often these small details that are the most important, and the ones that do actually make the funeral unique.
The sort of funeral directors where nothing being too much trouble really is how it works.
I totally agree. It was clear on a recent BBC Radio 4 programme on funerals that the woman from the independent funeral home was far more atuned to the wishes, needs and care of the family than the Chief of the large chain.
This is so true. Combined care, kindness, humanity, quiet and professional efficiency… not all funeral directors have this combination. But my choice of Funeral Director does, and they also go above and beyond, in making a loved ones send off very special. Feeling held and respected through the saddest time is so important and helps through the grief.
We are finding that bad experiences like this do seem to be on the rise, with people being left to ‘make do’ with what they are told are their only options. People only have one chance to say goodbye in the way that they would like, so it is heartbreaking and unforgivable when that goes wrong.
This is one of the saddest things I’ve read here. The lack of flexibility and compassion is astonishing.