Author: Charles

A bird’s-eye view: Jack’s funeral

15 March 2012
Charles
2 Comments
Categories: funeral, funeral directors, funeral music, funeral poetry

 Posted by Juno Gatsby

Jack’s granddaughter called me and asked if I could recommend a venue for his funeral service. His family knew he didn’t want his last journey to be in a church or crematorium. He would be laid to rest in their local cemetery after his farewell ceremony. We talked about hotels and wedding venues but most hotels aren’t too keen on having a hearse parked outside the main entrance! They tried the local Register Office as a potential venue, they were very kind and helpful but…..there were just too many corners to be negotiated. It would be impossible to manoeuvre a coffin into the building with any dignity. Then we hit on the idea of wedding barn venues, and the family got busy on the phone and sorted it all out for themselves. The owners of a beautiful, mellow stone-walled, old oak-beamed barn conversion agreed in principle – as long as there were no legal restrictions. We reassured them that, unlike weddings, there are no legal restrictions on where and when you can hold a funeral ceremony.

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Skeletons in the closet — and other places

14 March 2012
Charles
No comments
Categories: Body donation, Organ donation

From an article in yesterday’s Guardian:

The University of Cologne is investigating after hundreds of human body parts were found in the cellars of its institute of anatomy, apparently abandoned there for years.

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Advertising Standards Authority passes judgement on Colourful Coffins

14 March 2012
Charles
7 Comments
Categories: coffins

 

 

Copied and pasted directly from the ASA website here: 

 

Advertising Standards Authority Adjudication on Colourful Coffins Ltd

Colourful Coffins Ltd

Printworks
Crescent Road
Cowley
Oxford
OX4 2PB

Date:

14 March 2012

Media:

Internet (on own site), Brochure, Magazine

Sector:

Business

Number of complaints:

1

Complaint Ref:

A11-176349

Ad

A claim on the Colourful Coffins website, viewed in October 2011, stated “[we] Offer the only 100% recycled cardboard coffin on the market”.  On another page of the website, further text stated “our 100% recycled cardboard coffin”.

Issue

Greenfield Creations Ltd challenged whether the claim “100% recycled cardboard” was misleading and could be substantiated.

CAP Code (Edition 12)

Response

Colourful Coffins Ltd confirmed that they used BeeCore cardboard in their coffins and included a letter from their supplier which stated that the “product BeeCore as supplied to all customers consists of paper and starch glue of which the paper is made of 100% post consumer waste paper conforming to EN 643”.  BS EN 643 was the UK version of the European Standard EN 643, which defined grades and combinations of acceptable types of recovered fibre.

Colourful Coffins explained that the claim only related to the fact that the cardboard used in their coffins was made from 100% recycled paper and that they had not stated that the lining paper, used as part of the composition of the cardboard, was also recycled.

Assessment

Upheld

The ASA noted the complainant’s argument that no cardboard could be described as 100% recycled because all cardboard required glue for bonding and it was unlikely that the glue used in the product was also recycled.  We also noted that the outer paper used as part of the composition of the cardboard was not recycled.  Whilst we did not consider that the average consumer would take bonding agents into account in their understanding of the claim “100% recycled”, we did consider that as the outer edges of the cardboard were made from non-recycled paper, the claim that the coffins were made from “100% recycled cardboard” had not been substantiated.

We therefore concluded that the claim was misleading.

The claim breached CAP Code (Edition 12) rules 3.1 (Misleading advertising) and 3.7 (Substantiation).

Action

The claim must not appear again in its current form.

The status of marriages and funerals

14 March 2012
Charles
3 Comments
Categories: Religious funerals, Requiem Mass

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

I recently had a conversation with a priest about the topic du jour: same-sex civil partnerships–which offer legal equality–becoming known as marriages, so gaining semantic equality by reinterpreting a term traditionally reserved for the union between a man and woman as they become husband and wife.

For some reason, the discussion led me to ask why the funeral isn’t among the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church. The rites of passage of Baptism, Confirmation and Holy Matrimony are sacraments, as are Reconciliation (confession), Holy Orders (ordination), Anointing of the Sick (last rites) and, at the centre of it all, the Eucharist (mass). The priest’s answer: ‘The funeral mass comes within the sacrament of the Eucharist so doesn’t need to be a sacrament in itself’.

But both weddings and funerals vary between those in which Communion is offered to the congregation and those in which it isn’t, I replied. The nuptial mass and funeral mass sometimes omit the mass bit.

The choice of Eucharist or not is pragmatic, came the reply, as it reflects today’s mix of people attending marriages and funerals. Those planning their ceremonies might choose to dispense with the Eucharist in acknowledgement of the fact that many guests are not baptised and so cannot partake. To avoid the sacrilege of giving the Host inadvertently to someone not eligible, or of upsetting someone by offering a blessing but no Eucharist, such awkwardness is avoided. After all, he added, practicing Christians, who receive Communion regularly, can do so at another time.  

But if the Eucharist isn’t an essential part of either ceremony, I persisted, this doesn’t explain why marriage stands on its own as a sacrament but funerals do not. 

The explanation gets theologically technical here and, as the term ‘sacrament’ only relates to Catholic and Orthodox marriages anyway (Protestants dropped it as a sacrament), I’ll try to be brief to stay on message.

In a nutshell, all the sacraments are outward rituals bestowing inner grace. At baptism and last rites, we may be too young or too unconscious to participate in the way we do at confirmation and confession, but we believe divine grace occurs through the intermediary in holy orders. The same can be said of marriage but it stands apart from other sacraments as it’s a contract between two flawed people and not directly with the perfect God. However, it’s nevertheless a binding contract before God.

So back to funerals. The Requiem Mass is part of the sacrament of the Eucharist, the mass for the dead and the mass for the living. Christ’s salvic sacrifice is at the centre, hence guidance against undue emphasis on eulogies for the deceased. When the bereaved choose a ceremony without the Eucharist, the liturgy, though not referred to as a sacrament, nonetheless offers the same message of Easter hope, and commends the deceased to God. Grace can be bestowed through prayer, not just through the sacraments. There is also always the option to schedule a memorial mass at a later date.

Thanks for the clarification, Father. But one last question: we may recall our confirmation or marriage ceremonies but not our baptism or last rites. Although we clearly don’t actively participate in our own funerals, do you think we witness them? The answer: God only knows. 

Post mortem correspondence

13 March 2012
Charles
No comments
Categories: Uncategorised

If the Daily Mail didn’t exist, would the schtoopid things it reports ever happen? Probably not.

Here’s what we mean. 

A Bristol woman opens a letter addressed to her newly dead brother. It is headed

claim ended: cl death

Your claim for benefit has ended with effect from the above date for the reason shown. If you wish to reclaim housing or council tax benefit, please do so without delay.

Normally benefit will be paid from the Monday following the date we receive your claim. You can obtain a claim form and advice by ringing the helpline service.

Please note – please return your completed application form immediately, even if you do not have all the required documentary evidence. You may lose benefit if you delay sending us your application form … you must tell us if your circumstances change

If you don’t believe us, click here. 

How to feel at home

13 March 2012
Charles
2 Comments
Categories: Funeral venues

Posted by Kathryn Edwards

Delving again into Emily Post’s funeral etiquette produces another fascinating blast from the past: the bereaved need to decide whether to hold the funeral in church or at the house.  

Emily suggests that a church funeral can be more trying, in that the family have to leave the seclusion of home and face a congregation.  ‘Many people prefer a house funeral—it is simpler, more private, and obviates the necessity for those in sorrow to face people. The nearest relatives may stay apart in an adjoining room or even upon the upper floor, where they can hear the service but remain in unseen seclusion.’  (And as for guests: ‘Ladies keep their wraps on. Gentlemen wear their overcoats or carry them on their arms and hold their hats in their hands.’)  On the other hand, the church funeral has its advantages: ‘many who find solemnity only in a church service with the added beauty of choir and organ, prefer to take their heartrending farewell in the House of God.’ 

Emily seems to have an ear for the transcendent through the blessing of music, and the instruments matter: ‘it is almost impossible to introduce orchestral music that does not sound either dangerously suggestive of the gaiety of entertainment or else thin and flat.’ In a domestic setting ‘a quartet or choral singing is beautiful and appropriate, if available, otherwise there is usually no music at a house funeral.’ 

This proposed choice between church and house funerals is predicated on readers’ having a reception room big enough to accommodate the desired number of mourners (not to mention the coffin on a stand, the floral tributes, and the quartet or choir).  Nowadays, given most people’s much smaller houses, this idea may seem both appealing – how stress-free to be ‘at home’! – and yet unachievable.  Could it be that we are missing out by limiting our choice to church-or-crem without thinking of alternatives? 

A while ago I was at a very moving funeral for an older man that took place first of all in the drawing-room of a private house, and afterwards – for intimate family only – at the crem, in a move designed not to intimidate his young children. But the fact was that we all benefited from a pleasant, friendly, demotic environment.  The room was generally used for workshops and yoga classes, and so was well-equipped with dozens of folding chairs, and looked out through french windows onto a lovely flower-filled garden. 

This choice came about as a result of an enlightened funeral director’s enquiries.  And yet it can be difficult and daunting to look into creative possibilities while tangled up in the specific busyness and sorrows of a death. 

How can we expand the roster of spacious and uplifting funeral venues, so that we can feel ‘at home’ and in beauty as we engage in this solemnity?

Find Emily Post’s Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home here

 

* http://www.bartleby.com/95/

Feed Me To The Wind

12 March 2012
Charles
1 Comment
Categories: ashes

Don’t pay any attention to the photo above. If you missed Feed Me To The Wind, a very good programme about ashes on R4 this morning, don’t despair; you can listen to it on the BBC website. Here’s the Beeb blurb:

Tens of thousands of ashes remain uncollected or unscattered. Amanda Mitchison looks at the choices, conflicts and absurdity in the new British ritual of ash scattering.

More of us than ever choose to take the ashes of the deceased away from a crematorium or funeral directors: but it’s what should happen then we can’t figure out. In fact, every undertaker has a whole room of unclaimed ashes – those whose next of kin either couldn’t decide, or agree, what to do with them. As a nation, we used to know which death rites were, well, right – but as more and more are cremated, we lawless Britons started improvising.

We speak to people who are yet to collect ashes – or have made the decision to keep them, at home – exploring the complex emotions these plastic containers provoke, even in modern ‘un-spiritual’ Britain. We’ll hear from people whose personal ceremonies did not go to plan, where uncertainty about bylaws and prevailing winds has led to farce instead of reverence. The practicalities always seem to fox our need for something ‘spiritual’, so perhaps we’re not adequately prepared for what we receive from undertakers.

We ask whether the whole process is a hangover of the industrial revolution – and look at the feelings that municipal buildings like crematoria can elicit. In the quest for something special and unique, those who are in the business of ash-scattering tell us about the more dramatic means of scattering – miniature Viking ships and all.

Perhaps we could take a lead from other traditions which have practiced cremation for thousands of years – what is the Hindu perspective on cremation? Should we let those around us know to ‘Feed Me To The Wind’ if that is what we would want?

Listen again here. 

From God we come and to Him we return

12 March 2012
Charles
3 Comments
Categories: Religious funerals, Requiem Mass

A thought for the day from Richard Rawlinson

The trend for funerals conducted as celebrations of life must surely stem from society’s weakened belief in life after death. Even Christians now opt for the panegyric of the dead through tributes to the deceased instead of a ceremony combining natural grief for the loss and hope of the mercy of God.

In the days of the Hapsburg Empire there was a ritual to receive the body of a dead emperor into the cathedral in Vienna: attendants with the coffin would knock on the doors and a voice from within would ask: “Who demands entry?” Many grand titles would be read out. The doors would remain shut. The attendants would knock again and the same question would be asked. The response this time would simply be “A poor sinner”. The doors would be thrown open and the coffin would proceed inside.

Presswatch

12 March 2012
Charles
5 Comments
Categories: Uncategorised

The weekend yielded three newspaper articles about funerals.

The Indy’s is a way-to-go survey. It begins by reflecting the current morbid fascination with the demise of enormous people and the consequent indignities of going out big, making play of wardrobe-size coffins and cranes used to lower them. Health is the new morality, of course, so going to your grave in a JCB amounts to judgement. For the rest, we’re not at all sure that the article tells anyone anything they didn’t already know. The writers talk of caskets, not coffins. They quote the average funeral cost as £7,248. They display the customary media attraction to wackiness — Crazy Coffins, for example. Oh and promession, in development since 1999 and yet, as far as we know, to render anyone to biodegrable powder. Verdict: dull. Score: 3/10. Find it here. 

There’s a much better piece in the Guardian by Amanda Mitchison and Caleb Parkin about ashes and what people do with them. Richard Martin over at Scattering Ashes was thrilled that his Viking longship got a mention, though no name-check for him. Or for the GFG, which begat the concept. 8/10 for this and, at the time of typing, we are waiting for Ms Mitchison to take to the air on R4 and talk to us about ashes. Listen-again link later. Find the Guardian article here. 

Finally, the Daily Mail plays to the zeitgeist with a shamelessly sensational piece about a man too large to fit into a mortuary refrigerator and ‘left to rot’… ‘Plans for an open casket funeral have been scrapped because his body is too decayed.’ What’s all this casket talk we’re getting these days? Score for this piece 0/10 or 10/10 depending on the altitude of your brow. Find it here.