Author: Charles

How To Die In Britain

14 July 2014
Charles
3 Comments
Categories: Assisted suicide

In just over a week Lord Falconer’s bill on assisted dying will have its second reading in the House of Lords. Opinion seems to be moving in its favour. The British Medical Journal has published an editorial in favour, recognising that increasing numbers of medical people support it.

A powerful voice was added at the end of June when the Supreme Court turned down the appeals of three people demanding the right to die but, in a judgement that revealed increasing exasperation with timorous politicians, 5 of the 9 judges concluded that they had the right to declare that the present law breaches the right to a private life. Were they to do so, Parliament would be forced to act.

It looks as if the tide is unstoppable. Sooner rather than later we’ll have an assisted dying law in England and Wales. The Scots seem to be headed the same way.

If this is how the majority sees it, it’s not surprising that they’re not in campaigning mode. Most of the noise is being made by those campaigning against, who have no such complacency to comfort them.

Under the alarming headline Oregon – steady annual increase in assisted suicide cases sounds warning to UK, Dr Peter Saunders, writing for the Christian Medical Comment blog, predicts that we can expect just that in the UK. The inference is that things have got out of hand in Oregon – a predictable unintended consequence.

Why does he quote Oregon? Because our law will be based on theirs, passed in 1998.

And he’s right. The numbers are climbing steadily as you can see from the chart below [Source].

Oregon stats

Why are the numbers climbing? And does it matter? In other words, are things getting out of control in Oregon? Are disabled and vulnerable people being despatched as people said they would be?

The answer would seem to be no. If you draft a law carefully, you get what you legislate for. It cannot be denied that Dr Saunders and his ilk serve a useful purpose at the drafting stage.

What we are seeing, though, is the substitution of the Hippocratic Oath (‘First, do no harm’) with the overriding concept of respect for patient autonomy. It’s a big shift.

Back to the rising numbers in Oregon, the explanation would seem to be that it’s all down, not to unintended consequences, but to rising awareness of the availability of physician-assisted suicide brought about by those in favour of it. A powerfully persuasive factor has been the award-winning film, How To Die In Oregon (trailer at the top of the page). All in all, probably nothing to get too worried about. Dr Saunders, basing his figures on Oregon’s, reckons around 1232 Brits will kill themselves annually.

The social profile of those who choose to do themselves in is interesting. More men than women do it, more whites than other ethnic groups, and most because they have lost autonomy and all joy in life. The education profile is interesting, too – below.

Ed profile

In Britain the debate is possibly best exemplified by the opposing views of Archbishop Welby and his predecessor, Lord Carey. Welby argues from principle: “Compassion literally means ‘to suffer with'”. The greater the suffering, the greater the compassion required. Carey, on the other hand, argues from experience. It was the Nicklinson business that changed his mind: “The old philosophical certainties have collapsed in the face of the reality of needless suffering.”

British funeral celebrants are beginning to report funerals they have conducted for people who deliberately ended their suffering. They were beautiful and respectful of the choice. It would be good to hear from you if you have had any experience of this.

Locked in memory

11 July 2014
Charles
6 Comments
Categories: memorialisation

Guest post by John Porter

I was wandering around the Albert Dock in Liverpool and came across these padlocks locked to the immensely thick chain that guarded the quayside. In fact there were thousands of them! Many had etched inscriptions saying things like “Will love you for ever Simon”, “Never forgotten”, “Made my mark”, “Cheaper than a headstone!”, “Never again!”.

I spent quite a bit of time reading and touching them. It felt as though this is what I was being invited to do. To me this is a wonderful way to make a point, to say anything you fancy – could be about dead or living people. No obvious rules about permitted size of locks or number you can attach. Brilliant. Don’t know who started it. Don’t know if it was an organised thing or someone put one on and it grew from there. Many had padlocks linked to one padlock expressing some connection – or maybe none! 

What a fantastic way to lock something into memory! Many padlocks are rusting – few looked maintained in any way. Dates, names, relationships, places and events – a snapshot of so much adorning so little space. It enhanced the look though I’m sure some will say they make it look unsightly. Perhaps they should pause and have a look!

ED’S AFTERWORD: We love to publish guest posts. If you’ve got owt to say and want to say it to a lot of people, send an email with your words+pic+headline to the Global Outreach Team here at the GFG-Batesville Shard. Click here. 

More to it than wearing a hat and making a face

10 July 2014
Charles
13 Comments
Categories: funeral customs, funeral directors

Guest post — At the request of the writer, her name has been withheld for the time being

I first became aware of this blog when I was researching the effect of Downton Abbey on British attitudes to what used to be called domestic service. What caught my attention was the theory expressed in this blog that Funeral Directors see Carson, the butler, as the personification of the perfect Funeral Director.

In my line of work — I have a consultancy position in a company that trains butlers, valets, etc — I am able to testify to the accuracy of this observation. Whilst most of our recruits come from the armed forces, we have always had a steady flow from the funeral industry. Many of them are ‘naturals’ and are now employed in great houses all over the world. When you think about it, there is an obvious connection between butling and funeral directing, both appeal to the same personality type.

However it was not until just over a year ago, when I attended the funeral of a family member, that I began to see the ways in which mourners are not receiving best-possible service from their Funeral Directors. Even the ‘naturals’ fail to make the grade only because they have not had the specialist training they need to make the most of their in-born talents. A little research quickly taught me that the sort of training they need is not available to them. I began to consider how my company could fill the gap. In order to do so, I attended many more funerals as an observer, auditing the ceremonial role and appraising the performance of Funeral Directors in many parts of the country.

As I did so, I became aware that there are as many different levels of service demanded by ‘funeral consumers’ as there are in the world of hospitality. The market for DIY or home funerals equates with self-catering. ‘Direct cremation’ is the equivalent of the home delivery pizzeria. A business like Evelyn’s is the equivalent of hiring a top chef to cater for your dinner party. Where the analogy breaks down is that most funeral businesses don’t specialise. They try to be all things to all tastes. But there’s no inherent problem in that.

For those of their clients requiring a full-service, ceremonial funeral, the provision on offer is, I have found, generally wanting. The ‘chain’ funeral directors offer the service levels of Little Chef at Savoy prices. Many independent funeral homes, even the oldest and most prestigious, offer little better than the equivalent of the provision offered by a seaside boarding house. Some of the best hardly rise above Premier Inn. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. Just one or two London funeral directors are exemplary. Edinburgh also enjoys very high standards. Following the lead of this website, I also witnessed impressive service in Cheshire. I was not impressed by the conducting style of one particular Funeral Director whose flamboyance, in my opinion, brought proceedings down to the level of the fairground. A good Funeral Director, like a good butler, must never be attention-seeking.

Two things especially struck me at the many funerals I observed. The first and most obvious was turnout. Far too often I saw scruffy and inappropriate footwear and cheap, unpressed uniforms. I saw personnel whose appearance, bearing and grooming were wholly unsuited to a ceremonial occasion.

But what struck me most forcibly was the lack of awareness of what a ceremonial occasion demands of the conduct of its participants. More than one Funeral Director told me that what people expect is “a bit of a show” as if going through the motions is enough. It is not enough. It is not about ‘putting on a show’. A ceremonial occasion must be invested with decorum, and this can only be achieved by creating a sense of occasion which is special and which influences the mood and the conduct of everyone present.

Here is an example of what I mean. I asked one Funeral Director why he had conducted a formal funeral without a top hat. He told me that a top hat “is not really me.” When I asked him to consider whether he was there to occupy a ceremonial role or ‘be himself’, there was silence. It is a pity more Funeral Directors do not think harder about such matters because, done properly, a formal funeral is a magnificent occasion which brings out the best in everyone.

The butlers I train are taught how to manage, say, a dinner party so as to bring out the best in everyone present by creating an atmosphere in which everyone rises to the gravitas of the occasion. This is achieved not by going through the motions of etiquette, it is achieved by expert and wholehearted role-playing by those who serve. The last thing any of the guests want is to be served by a butler ‘being himself’, and the same applies to their Funeral Director and his or her Pallbearers. There is no place for ‘self’ at either a big banquet or a formal funeral.

What is required of both a butler and Funeral Director is, above all, a spirit of devoted, selfless service to others. Both exhibit deference, but what they also understand very clearly is that the part they play is not, paradoxically, a subservient role. The writer David Katz expressed it very well when he said: “A happy butler is a Buddhist monk in tails, taking pleasure in the duty itself. Serving, but never servile.” A good butler has a healthy ego. The same is also true of a good funeral director. Both serve the occasion.

Butlers and Funeral Directors have other skills in common. They must remain unflappable in the face of both disaster and unreasonable demands. Gone are the days when butlers worked for old-money families who knew how to behave, they are now exposed to the arbitrary and sometimes outrageous whims of newly-minted billionaires. Grieving people, too, can behave unpredictably. Funeral Directors and butlers must be able to fix mishaps quickly and without fuss. They must have excellent concierge skills. The must be omnipresent but invisible. They must understand the meaning of courtesy in its fullest sense, and that it is not a matter of play-acting. On the contrary, in the words of the great Mahatma Gandhi,  “When restraint and courtesy are added to strength, the latter becomes irresistible.” Good butlers and good Funeral Directors derive their self-esteem from understanding how powerful they are.

Given the hours they must work, together with the range of skills they must possess, many of the best butlers, I have found, are divorced or gay. I wonder if the same may be said of the best Funeral Directors?

I am in the process of developing training manuals which I believe will be of great service to Funeral Directors wishing to advance their ceremonial skills. I shall be making an announcement in due course. I am grateful to this blog and its readers for the many insights it has given me into the world of funerals. I welcome your responses to what I have written here.

A greener way to embalm?

9 July 2014
Charles
No comments
Categories: Embalming

Guest post by Hatty Stafford Charles of Naturensbalm

Embalming is used in a number of circumstances and for a variety of reasons.  If the body is to be viewed before or during the funeral, embalming will sometimes be necessary.  If the person has died after an accident or debilitating illness, the embalmer can do much to restore the appearance friends and family are used to.  It is also a requirement when moving the body across international borders and across state lines in some countries.

When a person dies, decomposition starts at once, although the speed of this process will depend very much on the environment with factors such as temperature having a significant effect.  Without  bloodflow and muscle use, skin will sink and dry out and the body will gradually start to lose definition.  Embalming has also been promoted as a way to combat the health implications of bacteria and viruses present in and on the body, although it is now generally accepted that this is almost never a problem.

The process of embalming removes all fluid from the body and replaces it with a chemical alternative.  This process plumps, firms and fixes the flesh, giving a more ‘life like’ appearance which friends and family often find more comforting.  Embalming also sanitises the body which may be necessary in some situations.

Traditionally formaldehyde has been the standard chemical used for embalming.  Formaldehyde is a highly toxic preservative which is used in all kinds of every-day products both directly and in derivative form.  Anyone using formaldehyde needs to wear protective clothing and its smell is an irritant causing headaches, throat irritation and loss of sense of smell, so efficient air extraction is also required.  In the United States it is classed as a carcinogen and, everywhere in the world, formaldehyde is regarded as damaging to the environment.   However, the sterilising effects of formaldehyde are well documented and its ability to preserve tissue is second-to-none.  For long term preservation, formaldehyde is the best compound available.

For the purposes of burial, however, this long-term fixing effect is not generally required as most bodies will be buried within ten days of embalming.  Even formaldehyde cannot preserve tissue indefinitely and, over time, formaldehyde will eventually leech out into the grave, so the act of preserving a body becomes, long term, an environmental problem.  Alternatives such as Naturensbalm are available which allow embalming to take place (including for the purposes of international transport).  Naturensbalm is a more natural PVP Iodine product which sanitises and fixes the tissue for a week  to ten days before harmlessly dispersing and allowing the natural process of decomposition to take place.  It is safer for embalmers to use and creates a natural effect which loved ones find pleasing.  Some green burial sites will allow natural embalming fluids to be used – though not all – and they are far preferable in cremation as they do not make toxic fumes.

 www.naturensbalm.com

Responsibility for your own conduct

8 July 2014
Charles
2 Comments
Categories: celebrants, crematoria, funeral directors

By celebrant Wendy Coulton of Dragonfly Funerals

The Plymouth Herald ran a story recently about a family complaint that the funeral service for their relative was disrupted by the loud and distracting sound of laughter and conversation outside by a large number of people waiting to attend the next funeral. They included senior leading council figures because the funeral was of a former councillor.

Instead of holding their hand up and unreservedly apologising for any upset they caused, one councillor blamed the crematorium staff for not marshalling the crowd properly and the council statement said this was an issue they would take up with the funeral director. This just added insult to injury to the family who said their funeral was spoilt.

I was incensed that the crematorium staff were the scapegoat and was delighted when the Herald ran my letter prominently with the headline ‘Take responsibility for your own conduct.’ Grown adults shouldn’t need to be reminded or marshalled on how to behave in a cemetery outside a chapel when they know a service is being conducted.

It is a challenge managing large numbers of attendees at the council crematoria because of the back to back service activity and limited areas to congregate but at the end of day it may come down to that simple saying ‘Silence is golden.’ The wake reception may be the better time for banter and a good chat.

Tradesmen and their tools – another adventure in the life of the vintage lorry hearse

7 July 2014
Charles
2 Comments
Categories: Hearses

Posted by David Hall

Whilst initially many people using Vintage Lorry Funerals were former Lorry Drivers, the recent business expansion has involved individuals from across the whole spectrum of employment and social backgrounds. In fact Lorry Drivers only account for 40% of the current profile, which includes Tradesmen and their Tools.

A modern day Joiner, or Chippie using the current vernacular, uses cheap saws that are often thrown away each night on Building Sites. However, in the 1950s a Craftsman took great care of his Tools which were lovingly cleaned at the end of each day. David Hall, who owns Vintage Lorry Funerals, uses his Great Uncle Bob’s saw from the 1950’s when he is preparing timber for the support structure which holds the flowers in a display. As David works he thinks back to his youth helping his Grandfather’s Brother on woodwork projects and remembers the stories his Uncle Bob would tell about his time in the Pit and World War I. Bob Wallace survived the Battle of the Somme but was put on a charge for an act of human kindness, giving a starving German prisoner a piece of his bread.

The picture above is of a Mechanic’s Funeral in Aldershot where David provided the giant spanners, oil cans and car jacks. The Leyland Beaver pulled out of Bradford-on-Avon at 0445 hours with the strategy of getting past Basingstoke before the traffic builds from 0715 hours being clearly established from previous funerals. David was through Basingstoke by 0700 hours and he parked in a lay-bye on the A30, assembling the spanners in their allocated positions as cars thundered by in the rush hour. The Leyland Beaver arrived early at Fleet, with David telling the Funeral Director, ‘You are better off looking at me, than looking for me!’ As the flowers were loaded quicker than expected, David asked the Funeral Director if someone could run him to the other side of the town where David’s Auntie lived. David had communicated each Christmas with his Dad’s Sister-in-Law but hadn’t seen her for over 40 years. She was very pleased to see him and her Daughter made a cup of tea, however, both ladies were very concerned when a black funeral car stopped outside the house. They were relieved when David explained it was his taxi. The funeral went very well apart from a delay at the Deceased’s house which was caused by the Widow making a detailed inspection of every aspect of the Mechanic’s Theme. The Widow also thanked David for providing the Ivy which supplemented the flowers and was her husband’s favourite plant. Pictures that David supplied of the funeral were placed inside a Memory Box by the Widow along with other items, which will mean a lot to their Grandchildren.

So when a Craftsman’s Family chooses the 1950 Leyland Beaver for his final journey then, where applicable, David can offer to supply tools lent by members of his Support Team, to supplement the flowers. This concept provides a memorable Tribute and also takes up the space created from reduced flower volumes in these difficult economic times.

Examples of Tradesmen and their Tools include:-

BRICKLAYER: trowels, spirit level, line

PLUMBER: blow lamp, copper pipe, water pipe

MECHANIC: spanners, jacks, oil cans

CARPENTER: block planes, saws, clamps

GARDENER: wheel barrow, spade, rake, fork

1930’s FARM HAND: gripe, slasher, sickle

GRASS CUTTER: A Lawn Mower kindly provided by Norton Garden Machinery.

The list continues to grow, and David awaits his next challenge.

http://www.vintagelorryfunerals.co.uk

Crem says no

4 July 2014
Charles
4 Comments
Categories: crematoria

Up at Sunderland crem there’s a book where you can write little messages to whoever you’ve come to visit. Isn’t that great? Linda Johnson has been popping in and writing little messages to her mum for the last eight years — and to her dad since Christmas. As she says, not everyone can stretch to flowers, but everyone can afford to jot a wee line to a loved one.

It’s a fabulous idea, a lovely touch, one that you’d like to see adopted everywhere. Genius. And doubtless a few crematorium managers will read this and… yawn. You don’t encounter much in the way of a service culture in many of our crems. You can normally gauge their service values by the state of their toilets.

Where were we? Oh yes, Sunderland’s brilliant book where you can write messages to the dead. Well, it’s an ex-book. It’s been snatched back. Binned, possibly. Turns out it was being abused. Linda had, let’s be kind, got completely the wrong end of the stick– together with all the other folk who’ve been writing messages to their dead ones for years and years. Doh, they were supposed to use the book to write what they thought about the crematorium — it was a comments book!!

If they’d known that, someone would probably have hung it from a nail in the toilet.

Now, you may say in a sentimentalising sort of way that the people at the crem, seeing what an excellent service their comments book was providing under the informal terms of its change of use, should have kept it where it was, nipped down to Staples and bought… a comments book, ta-da.

Don’t be so bloody soft. You’ve got to take a firm line with the bereaved, everyone knows that. Give them an inch and you don’t know where they’ll be commemorating their dead next. Come on, look at it from the crem’s point of view. They ALREADY HAVE A BOOK. Yes. With fees starting at a mere £47 and going up to an incredibly modest £263. “We also have an electronic book which enables families to view different dates of entry from the book of remembrance if they cannot attend on the specific anniversary of their loved one’s passing“, whatever the hell that means. 

So there you go, Linda, get yer chequebook out. Sorted. Come on, they’re on your side, the crem for, as they say, “We always listen to what people tell us about how they would like to see bereavement services delivered and are considering what options are available to go with what is already available.”

Better now?

[Source]

About time too?

4 July 2014
Charles
No comments
Categories: funeral directors, Regulation

Lord Bonomy’s exasperation with the NHS, cremation authorities and funeral directors, whose ill-informed advice and guidance led so many thousands of parents of babies who had died to suppose that there would be no ashes after cremation, caused him to recommend the establishment of an inspectorate of crematoria:

Scottish Ministers should appoint an independent Inspector to monitor working practices and standards at crematoria, provide feedback to Cremation Authorities on how they are performing and to report to the Scottish Ministers as required. The independent Inspector should have authority to investigate complaints from the public about working practices and standards at crematoria, to adjudicate upon these complaints and report findings to the Scottish Ministers. 

But he doesn’t stop there. He wants the clean-up to go further. Given the circumstances, it is entirely reasonable that he goes on to recommend that:

The role of the Inspector should be extended to the funeral industry in respect of which there is no current provision for inspection.

There’s a fine bombshell for a Friday morning.

Hat-tip to JB for highlighting this.

Tim Morris of the ICCM on the baby ashes scandal

3 July 2014
Charles
No comments
Categories: cremation, crematoria

We are pleased this morning to publish the responses of Tim Morris, Chief Executive of the Institute of Cemetery and Crematorium Management to four questions we emailed him last weekend concerning the recommendations of the Bonomy Report which was set up in the aftermath of the Mortonhall Investigation Report. We are extremely grateful to him for taking the time to do this, the more so because he is under absolutely no obligation to do so. GFG questions in black, Tim’s response in blue.

1.   I am not aware of any published figures regarding success rates for the recovery of ashes resulting from the cremation of ‘babies and infants’ (Bonomy) by crematoria in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. Have the figures been collated?

 UK figures in E & W have not been collated however the BBC has sent FOI requests to all local government crematoria. As you know, private crematoria are not bound by FOI legislation. The figures in Scotland were collated by the Commission and these reflect those previously collected by the BBC and identify those where no ashes or a limited number were returned. The private sector responded to the Commission.
 
2.   Would you expect to see, or are you aware of, similar disparities in baby ash recovery rates between crematoria in the rest of the UK?
 
We are only aware of the case of Emstrey crematorium however on the basis of information relating to Scotland there could potentially be more. 
At the outset of the Mortonhall issue the Institute couldn’t understand why any crematorium would treat  the cremation of a baby differently to that of an adult. It is now evident that this was happening at a number of crematoria for many years. Dame Angiolini recognised the perceived difference between ashes and cremated remains as being the  ‘fundamental issue’. The fact that ashes were recovered at Mortonhall and buried without the knowledge of parents is indicative of the view by some that there is nothing of the baby within the ash. 
 
3.   Bonomy recommends that the “ICCM and FBCA should review their respective technical training programmes”. Has the ICCM fallen short in its training provision to operators of crematorium equipment and subsequent sharing of best practice?
 
It has to be said that the Institute has not included specific baby and infant cremation training in its technicians training scheme however it had published articles on technique as long ago as 1997. At the time of the Mortonhall issue coming to light there was no indication that difference was being applied in respect of ‘ashes’ and ‘cremated remains’. No more excuses – the job needs to be finished. This recommendation is being addressed with a new training unit to be released in the near future. 
 
4.   Has the ICCM formulated and published a response to Bonomy? If so, may I have a copy?
 

I’ll forward the Institute’s newsletter this week when it goes out to our members. We are working closely with Sands who will also be sending out correspondence this week.

The report has been well received by the Institute’s board and we have commenced implementing the specific recommendations. We are certainly pleased in respect of:

*     The definition of the terms ashes and cremated remains are to be defined in legislation as this effectively clarifies beyond doubt the ‘fundamental issue’ and difference of opinion between the FBCA and ICCM.

*     Forms and register are to be made statutory documents as this will force a common approach and provide security of information for parents.

*     The national investigation of every case in Scotland will be undertaken by Dame Angiolini as this might bring closure for some bereaved parents and get to the bottom of the root cause.

*     The Scottish Government is making representation to its counterparts in England and Wales as we believe that the Ministry of Justice must now become involved.

*     The recommended inspectorate. This is something that the Institute suggested in 2000 and 2004.

*     Opposition to policy and guidance for the sensitive disposal of babies has been swept aside.

Institute members have been sent regular newsletters since this issue first arose informing them of progress with regard the work of the Commission and is the only organisation within the cremation sector that has posted the reports and newsletters on its website.

On a closely connected matter the main reason for the Institute’s first policy statement made in 1985 was to cease the clinical waste route for babies. This continued to be a hidden scandal for years. At last, and following a 30 minute documentary the Minister ordered a cessation of this route for babies just a month or so ago.