No way

Have you been following the hullabaloo which greeted the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Melbourne, Denis Hart, when he restated Church rules on funerals and reiterated the ban on ‘secular items’ at funerals – romantic ballads, pop or rock music, political songs, football club songs, that sort of stuff? He said: “At the funerals of children … nursery rhymes and sentimental secular songs are inappropriate because these may intensify grief.” He said the funeral was a requiem mass for the repose of the soul, not a celebration of life or memorial service. If families wanted the latter, it should take place at a social occasion before or after the funeral.

This is the selfsame Denis Hart who, in 2004, told a female victim of priestly sexual abuse, “Go to hell, bitch.”

There’s a good, balanced discussion of the matter in The Age. Here are some extracts:

“I COME to bury Caesar, not to praise him,” Mark Antony tells the Romans, according to Shakespeare. Today it would probably be the other way round: stacks of eulogies and anecdotes and Caesar’s favourite songs – Sinatra’s My Way, probably – followed by a cremation.

Clearly, the role of a funeral has become blurred in this more secular age. Most Australians are no longer regulars at church, and increasing numbers see the main point of a funeral service as commemorating a life rather than commending it to God. Also, what used to be separated – the service and the wake, with eulogies and memories – have become increasingly conflated into the funeral itself.

The Catholic guidelines basically highlight that a church funeral service is still a church service. Its purpose is to commend the deceased to God and proclaim the Christian hope; it is explicitly not a secular celebration of a completed life. Such a celebration is a natural, proper and desirable thing, but the occasion for it, according to the church, is a separate gathering.

According to traditional Catholic thinking, the main priority at a church funeral is prayer for the deceased, and nourishing the grieving with the word of God and the Eucharist. In the 1662 Anglican Book of Common Prayer, the deceased was not even named during the service.

But families who resent the church limiting what they can do during a service should ask themselves why it is that they want a church funeral. Surely it is the solemnity and dignity of such an occasion, placing the person’s life in a broader – even eternal – narrative, the ritual marking an important passage, that draws them.

The church has long experience at such ritual, and is pretty good at it, and Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust (which has been requested) doesn’t really fit. The step from personal to trivial can be a short one. If none of this matters, then a secular celebrant at a funeral parlour will fulfil almost any request.

Read the entire article here.

Pot ash

When ceramist Chris Smedley was asked by a client if he could make a unique commemorative piece using the ashes of the client’s father, he didn’t know what to expect. When he set about experimenting by using the ash in a glaze, he found that it produced a range of colours from green to blue through to purple. “These effects,” he suggests, may “come from minute traces of metal oxides that collect in our bodies during our lifetime.” Fascinating!

Liking what he saw, Chris, in partnership with Kieran Challingsworth, established Commemorative Ceramics in the crowded and ever-expanding market catering to people looking for creative and befitting ways with ashes. There’s plenty of room here for more good ideas.

You like? I like.  A lot. They deserve to do well.

Prices from £300. Good value, I’d say. Better still, there’s a promotion to celebrate the launch of the enterprise running til 31 October 2010: 25 per cent off the entire range.

Find Chris and Kieran’s website here.

Cheap boos

Real ale made by boutique brewers has at last begun to drive down sales of lager for the first time in half a century reports yesterday’s Observer.

Intriguingly, the Society of Independent Brewers (Siba) reports that while its 420 members enjoyed a combined sales rise of 4 per cent last year, its smallest and boutique-iest brewers saw sales rise by 8.5 per cent. Small is good, smallest is best.

More good news. More young people are supping the Right Stuff. Of 25-34 year olds, the number of those who have tasted real ale rose from 28 per cent to 50 per cent in the period 2008-10. What’s more, the number of women rose from 16 per cent to 32 per cent in the same period.

Says Julian Grocock of Siba: “A lot of our members are professional brewers who have worked for the big brewers and have now set up their own business. They are brewing all sorts of beers … There’s now a huge variety out there.”

You see where I’m coming from?

If the little guys can turn the tables on the big beasts in the brewing trade it gives us hope that the same thing can happen in the funeral industry. (I understand that for the word ‘beasts’ you might like to substitute something stronger.)

Speaking of whom, the Scottish Environment Protection Agency (Sepa) has named the Co-op Funeralcare coffin factory in Scotland as one of that country’s 99 dirtiest polluters. The story comes from the Sunday Herald, which describes the Co-op as “ethically conscious.” Hmph.

Something else for the weekend

Here’s a lovely story about how they did things in a braver and more beautiful age. The occasion is the unveiling of a memorial on Patcham Down to the 53 Indian soldiers who died in the first world war. It stands just yards (metres for younger readers) from the Chattri Memorial, which stands on the site of the ghat on which the bodies of those soldiers who died in the hospital in Brighton Pavilion (made available to the Indian soldiers because it would remind them of home) were ceremonially burned on a proper pyre.

All this happened ninety years ago. It has taken ninety years of progress and multiculturalism to produce a Home Secretary, Jack “Man Of” Straw, with the liberality to greet renewed calls for open-air cremation with the humane and progressive retort that people would be “upset and offended” and “find it abhorrent that human remains were being burnt in this way”. What is the rudest thing you can think of saying about anybody? Mutter it now.

I can’t whet your appetite with pics cos they’re all copyrighted. So here’s the signpost to lots of happy info and a Flickr site: Go!

Knowing you knowing best

Yesterday I drove to Norfolk to meet Anne Beckett-Allen and her husband Simon. It was well worth every mile of the journey. They greeted me with warmth and kindness. They took me somewhere nice for lunch. And we chatted – oh, about death and funerals, mostly. What else?

Anne and Simon have been notably successful. They have opened five funeral homes in five years; they’re doing fine. Theirs is a partnership made in heaven (or thereabouts). Anne was born into the funeral business, worked for several of the big corporate outfits and now revels in the freedom of independence. She is intelligent and she knows how to make a business tick. Simon is an electrician by trade and a builder of considerable talent and taste. He has converted all of their funeral homes brilliantly. He is a funeral outsider, so he’s able to come at things from a client’s point of view. Both Anne and Simon are people of great heart.

As always when I meet funeral directors I become aware of the severe limitations of being an ideas-driven commentator. Things always look so much easier when I’m sitting in front of my keyboard. I put it to Anne and Simon that the most perilous occupational hazard of funeral directors is not formaldehyde vapour but, if they are intelligent, paternalism, and if they are dim, self-importance. Funeral directors of all sorts come to reckon that Undertaker Knows Best. The brighter ones want to give you the funeral you need rather than the funeral you want; the dimmer ones give you the funeral everyone else has because there’s only one way to do a funeral. I know, as a celebrant, that I am increasingly inclined to boss my clients about.

There’s an upside. A brilliant natural burialist, whom one might typify as paternalistic, told me of the time when a family came to scatter ashes. They reckoned something perfunctory would do (it was their dad and they didn’t like him). The natural burialist stopped them cutting it short, told them there was more to it than that and invited them to speak. There was a long, agonising and awkward wait followed by an extraordinary and cathartic vocal outpouring of rage and love. It was exactly the right bossy thing to have done.

I talked to Anne and Simon about this business of exploring choices with a client, especially opportunities for participation. To me, sitting in front of my screen, there’s absolutely nothing to it. Just give them the info. What could be simpler? It may take more time and make things more complicated but it’ll make for a much better funeral.

And they responded that it’s not as easy as that. You have to take into account the mindset and emotional state of the client – what sort of people are they, what can they take in? Rupert Callender supports this: making a client aware that they can, say, come in and wash and dress their dead person can create in their minds a feeling that they ought to, even though they really don’t feel up to it – a feeling that they may be letting their dead person down.

So it’s a fine line, isn’t it, between offering choice on the one hand, and Undertaker Knows Best on the other?  Given the emotional state of the bereaved person in front of you, you need to be incredibly careful and empathic. No two people are the same, so there can never be a best practice.

I drove home musing on this, reflecting on just what an incredibly difficult job funeral directing is. And of course I reflected on the occupational hazard of being an inky fingered commentator. You can so easily turn into a glib, opinionated smartarse.

The female of the species is more deathy than the male?

I’ve been doing my bit to promote the Good Funeral Guide (all the while thinking that, really, if it’s any good, it’ll do that for itself). If I send a press release to a local radio station, chances are they’ll interview me. I go and sit in front of a mike and answer predictable questions: ‘Can you bury someone in your back garden? Really??!!’ ‘Hey, what’s the most wacky funeral you’ve ever been to? What’s the shockingest song anyone’s ever played?’ It doesn’t take us very far and it doesn’t do grievers any good. The media increasingly promotes the idea that death is heck of a lot of fun so long as you keep the dress code bright, get the playlist right, select one of those nice new mothwing coffins and have a hell of a party afterwards (there’s particularly blithering example here). I’m tired of rebutting this redefinition of the funeral as a grief bypass procedure. What’s more, it’s not what radio stations want to hear.

But it occurred to me while listening to Woman’s Hour on my talking wireless the other day that here is a programme which deals with serious things seriously. And even though my publishers have already pitched at the programme (twice, actually) and been turned down like a bedspread, I felt that this was a programme that really ought to talk about present-day trends in funerals, and I resolved to have another crack at them. And I decided that the angle I would take is that funerals are increasingly influenced by women.

Does that idea stand up? Starting with a distantly remembered (and implausible) statistic that two-thirds of funerals are arranged by women, I tried to track down the source. I found something in America: “When it comes to funerals, women do most of the funeral arrangements and planning. Nearly two thirds of the estimated 2.3 million deaths will be planned, arranged and ultimately paid for by women, most often because she is the surviving member of the marriage.” [Source]

What’s more, there has been a huge increase in the number of women working in the funeral industry. Women probably now outnumber men, for all that many women still occupy lowly positions. Women are drawn to funeral service. As David Barrington reminded me, they are increasingly drawn to embalming. Have they, together, been a feminising influence?

The burgeoning number of secular celebrants is made up mostly of women. Are they a feminising influence?

I rang a few funeral directors and put it to them. They all reckoned that the two-thirds figure is way out, it’s more like 50:50. It is difficult to generalise from their other responses; a bigger sample would have been more useful. I am hoping you will be part of that bigger sample, dear reader.

If I am to generalise, male funeral directors tend to feel that men have as much say as their womenfolk, while female funeral directors tend to feel that, once they get the bit between their teeth, women take the lead. That makes sense, yes? Without getting overly embroiled in gender politics, women make better shoppers?

One curious fact: Britain offers funeral consumers a bigger range of coffins than anywhere else on Earth. How do we account for that?

All agreed that women tend to take the lead in designing the service sheet, choosing the dress code, picking the flowers. As a celebrant I know that, while men and women will decide on the music equally, poetry is much more likely to be chosen by females. I also know that it’s much easier to create a ceremony in the company of women than men.

Here’s another dangerous generalisation. Women are much more interested than men in wedding planning.

Could funerals go the same way?

Grave houses

A delightful post here from Tammi Thiele over at Escape to the Silent Cities. Tammi is a graveyard rabbit to her fingertips. She was married in a graveyard. Dressed in full Victorian mourning. On Hallowe’en.

I’d never heard or read of grave houses before I came across this. They seem to be native to the southern states of the USA and I can’t figure out if the settlers picked up the custom from the native buy tadalafil online cheap Americans.

Surprising to think, when you see them, that no other culture has evolved or invented them. Sure, in the UK we are rich in box tombs and table tombs – even mausolea. I guess those indigent folk who fancied a wee grave house were sternly told off by the vicar.

While you’re at Tammi’s blog, have a look at her post for 06/09/10.

Some more nice pics here

Another graveyard rabbit here.

They think it’s all over…

It’s interesting to note that two of the most important drivers for change in modern funerals have come, not from pro-active consumers or wild-eyed visionaries,  but from urgent if mundane economic and environmental needs. They are, famously, natural burial and’ less famously, the held-over cremation.

Ken West, for all that he is a visionary, made the case for natural burial at Carlisle by adducing United Nations Agenda 21 and, most persuasively, showing his local authority how it could check ever-rising cemetery maintenance costs. There were those who said at the time that natural burial would never work—consumers would spurn it. They should have asked those consumers first. The rest is history. Natural burial has established itself, for those who are environmentally concerned, as the alternative to cremation, and they are unlikely, Ken plausibly argues, to be seduced by green alternatives like resomation, promession or cryomation. Why would they be?

Crematoria want to reduce emissions and operate more efficiently. Because there are lulls (summer’s less busy than winter; Mondays less busy than Fridays), it makes sense when things are quiet to hold bodies over until there are enough of them to make the firing up of the cremator economic. Chilterns crematorium now holds over bodies for up to 72 hours (in practice rarely for more than 48) and, combined with a restructuring of its workforce, is now saving 30% on its fuel cost. The ICCM is keen that all crematoria should follow suit:

It is current practice to pre-heat cremators at the start of each day and cool them down after the last cremation of the day and repeat this process throughout the week. Apart from the excessive use of fossil fuel for daily pre-heating, the risk of emissions of pollutants from the first cremations of each day is increased.

Holding cremations over for a limited period will allow continuity of use with resultant reductions in fuel consumption. Industry codes of practice have attempted to address this situation with the Federation of British Cremation Authorities code stating that the cremation should take place within 24 hours of the funeral service whilst the Institute of Cemetery & Crematorium Management’s Guiding Principles for the Charter for the Bereaved states 72 hours. Despite these codes of practice being in existence very few crematoria hold cremations over for any period. This lack of action by authorities is perpetuating the impact on the environment. Source.

It’s remarkable how commonsensical consumers can be. They need to be handled with care, for sure, but it’s always a mistake to make over-careful assumptions about them. Do they mind having metal hip joints recycled? Not a bit. Until they were asked, the assumption was that they would, and expensive metals were reverently, absurdly disposed of by burial. Do consumers mind if graves are re-used as they are on the Continent, and remaining remains reburied beneath the new burial (the lift-and-deepen method)? Increasingly they don’t.

The holding over of cremations is of high psychological significance. Probably most people at a funeral suppose that, when the curtains glide shut, the coffin straightway lurches into the blazing, fiery furnace—which can give them a funny feeling afterwards if they think about it when they’re eating their sausage roll. The fact that they are not bothered when they find out that, actually, their dead person is still waiting to go in is significant. Let’s take it one step further: If the bereaved do not mind their dead waiting up to 72 hours to be burnt, how much longer would they find tolerable? More research is needed. Even so, 72 hours is three days. It’s plenty.

The holding over of cremations has an even higher ceremonial significance. If incineration does not follow hard on the heels of the funeral ceremony there is no need for the incinerator to occupy the same building as the ceremony space or ‘chapel’. Hardly anyone goes to see their dead person loaded into to the incinerator, anyway. Would mourners mind if that incinerator was a few miles away? Again, more research needed. I’d confidently hazard a guess that they wouldn’t. If that is so, their opinion would render conventional crematoria redundant. Hurrah.

A funeral needs a going-going-gone moment (the committal or some form of farewell) because a funeral is a journey (continuum, if you prefer) ending in the obliteration of the body. At a cremation funeral the ‘gone’ moment is effectively and satisfyingly achieved by the closing of the curtains, for all that this is an illusion. This being so, it is not the act of disposal which people need to tell them that here is The End but the provision of what Tony Piper brilliantly terms a vanishing point.

That vanishing point can be achieved in other ways. Rupert Callender shows us how in this example: “We are doing a home funeral next Wednesday for a family who felt they didn’t know what to do having had two dreadful family services at crems, one of them ruined by the awful ubiquitous sound system, but wanted to honour their dead mum’s wish to be cremated. The answer seemed obvious. We are taking her coffin around to their house at midday, and collecting her at four. We go to the crem alone.” Presumably for these mourners the vanishing point was effectively and satisfyingly provided by the sight of Rupert’s venerable but immaculate Volvo disappearing round a bend in the road. Jonathan Taylor tells the story of a funeral for a local woman to which he appends: “Oh yes, and the cremation – it happened the next day, incidentally.” He doesn’t say what the vanishing point was, but I guess it was something similar.

The possibilities offered by held-over cremation are, well, revolutionary. Crems now need to follow the logic and take things a step further: they need to form clusters and outsource their cremating, preferably to a dedicated plant that cremates around the clock. As for the bereaved, if it’s not the act of disposal that matters but, instead, the provision of an emotionally satisfying vanishing point, what impediment is there to evening funerals and weekend funerals held at venues of all sorts?

It’s not the future we’re talking about here, it’s the present. Funeral consumers are being slow to catch on and funeral directors aren’t exactly falling over themselves to explore the options with their clients. It’s time they did.

Message to Claire Taylor

Hi Claire

Sadly, the email address you gave me must have been stymied by a typo. So I am replying by blog!

You asked about bicycle hearses. So far as I know the only serviceable bicycle hearse in the country right now is that built by Paul Sinclair of Motorcycle Funerals. Paul is somewhat of a perfectionist, so you may be sure that his bike hearse has been soundly built. I see that there is no photo on his website at present, but you can see a pic of it at the top, taken from Paul’s newsletter.

I know of no other bicycle hearses, but it’s possible that some readers of this blog do, so have a look at the comments below. If you want to make further enquiries, perhaps your best bet would be to contact bike enthusiasts’ clubs like the CTC. You might also contact big bike shops like the Edinburgh Bicycle Co-operative.

Good luck!

With all best wishes,

Charles

Bloggledegook

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Perhaps, in fairness, not so different from the twaddle generated by our own pay-now-die-later plan salesforce. More here.