Why live music is best at funerals

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

A follow up to Charles’s lyrical piece about the inadequacy of music at funerals.

With recorded music at funerals, people tend to sit down, listen, tap a foot, perhaps, and, if it’s really working its magic, meaningfully relate the music to the memory of the dead person. Whether pop lyrics or piano concerto, our response is predominantly a private reaction within the mind, but we’re likely to be distanced from full interaction by the fact the sound is projected into the room by loud speakers. It’s from a different time and place.

Live music emanates from activity in the room. If it’s a hymn or song, we stand up and participate, granted with varying degrees of success. The result is unlikely to be as polished as the professional recording but it punches beyond its weight due to its resonance as a collective effort unifying participators—created in real time, not just imbibed in real time. It’s the same principle when people recommend family and friends carry the coffin themselves.

Imagine the hymn or song is led, not by an organist or pianist present at the funeral, but by a recorded musical accompaniment. Aside from bringing to mind karaoke, the full impact of live music is again diminished.

There’s also a case for live music performed by professionals, whether choir, string quartet or guitar-strumming solo-singer. Sure, the passive act of sitting down and listening to a performance doesn’t seem much different to doing the same for a recording. The difference is again that the musicians are sharing the moment. The chosen music might be universal but the rendition, flaws and all, is for the dead person and those present.

Footnote: I chose the image above of the iconic Glenn Gould as he exemplifies a pianist who brought his own unique style to music by the greats such as Bach. As the film below shows, Gould reminds us that the scores of composers are not diktats set in stone but are guides for artists who surprise with their interpretations of mood. Ironically, this cool, solitary genius hated performing concerts, preferring to record in a studio.

Let’s face the music and yawn

Poor Ed Miliband. Challenged on Desert Island Discs to name the record he’d take, if he could only take one, he abjectly nominated Robbie Williams’ Angels. Derision was universal and prompted David Cameron to make that quip about ‘loving Engels instead’.

It prompted Janice Turner to observe in The Times: Music is rather overrated in my view, though I know to admit this is like saying I have an aching void in my soul. I would exchange all eight records and my luxury for non-stop Radio 4.

I found that comforting. Brits are peculiarly nuts about music. In this country you defensively map your personality profile by the bands you claim to love. One slip and you’re in the Ed doo-doo. I expect a lot of people lie. Remember Gordon Brown’s Arctic Monkeys? I bet your toes curled when you heard that.

Which is why music is so important at funerals. If you want to define a clear and admirable legacy, do it with pop songs. They’ll express the very essence of you. Just have a look at YouTube and see how many people have posted their funeral playlist.

Music that was special to a dead person may well not be exclusively or even partially evocative of that person. If it does not embody the spirit and personality of the dead person, we listen dutifully and either enjoy it for its own sake or for the associations it has for us; or we just sit dutifully and passively and wait for it to stop.

Music is unquestionably powerful. But a pop song has peculiar power to take each of us back to a particular time and place and fill us with the particular feelings we had about what was going on in our lives back then. It can be a massive distraction.

I can only recall one funeral where the music embodied the person who’d died. Actually, he’d killed himself. I can’t remember what the music was, and no one knew it. But it was jazzy, quirky and droll, just as the dead young man had been — it was perfect. And because we’d never heard it before, it was powerful enough to make us smile.

Sorry, but ‘This was a song she loved’ usually just doesn’t hack it. So what?

And if it’s a song that’s often played at funerals, it depersonalises the occasion and makes it generic.

For me, please, silence. At a pinch, Radio 4 on in the background — I used to sleep with it on until my most recent wife made me stop.

Actually, I could be tempted by this elephant playing a piano duet. 

Santa’s final ride

We are pleased to host a series of posts, in monthly instalments, recounting the adventures of Vintage Lorry Funerals. Here’s the second.

Vintage Lorry Funerals took Santa Claus on his final journey in Bristol who was buried in his red uniform and black boots. It wasn’t Santa Claus, but a man who had played him in the local shopping malls during November & December. With his long white beard and rotund figure he was often recognised even without his red suite. He was even chosen to be Santa Claus for a party at a Spanish Hotel when young children thought he was Santa Claus on holiday whilst he was taking a well earned break in January.

As the Deceased lived by the waterfront in Bristol and had an interest in the Power Boat Races, his family bought an ‘Anchor’ as the main Floral Tribute which was displayed prominently with a chain attached to it. Every effort is taken to create an appropriate background for the main Tribute and a Family mourner remarked an Anchor isn’t an Anchor without a chain.

Two days before the funeral the Family asked if the Deceased’s Wheel Cover could be positioned against the head of the coffin. Whilst this would have been a simple task in a hearse, it was a little more complicated with the 1950 Leyland Beaver where the risk of the Wheel Cover flying off had to be eliminated.

David Hall, who owns Vintage Lorry Funerals, made a Support Structure specifically for the Wheel Cover which told everyone who was in the blue wicker coffin. The cortege stopped outside Brunels Buttery on the quayside where the Deceased had visited each day for his breakfast and his tea, which always included his favourite rock buns. It was at this location that the Deceased took ill and passed away, so many people congregated around the café.  When the lorry pulled under the canopy at South Bristol Crematorium the silence was broken by the sound of sleigh bells and the occasional ‘Ho Ho Ho’ from mourners wearing Santa Hats.

 http://www.vintagelorryfunerals.co.uk

The GFG blog represents all points of view. If you’ve got something to say and an urge to say it, we’d be pleased to publish it here. We reach close to 2000 people every day, so this is a good place to get your message out. Send your words to charles@goodfuneralguide.co.uk.

Richard Mark Sage

Devotees of the above will be delighted to learn that he remains free and very much at large in all senses of the word. 

His trial was due to start at Blackfriars Crown Court yesterday, but he phoned in sick. Case postponed until June. 

There are times when the law looks like a sick joke. 

Update 04.12.2013: It seems that R Sage is pleading heart trouble (again). His trial has been re-scheduled for 28th April 2014 at Blackfriars Crown Court. 

When eulogies go too far

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

Mafia funerals in churches intrigue. Any congregation inevitably includes an eclectic mix of faces in the pews, but the mobsters and molls at a gangster funeral turn the nave into something else. They’re totally welcome, of course, and are likely to be behaving with perfect decorum, but you still can’t help projecting onto those grieving faces all the crimes they’re alleged to have committed. Hard eyes and mouths telling tales of violence, perhaps. Bling coffins and flash clobber as displays of ill-gotten gains. Burly security and watchful police. Onlookers can’t help a frisson of excitement when glimpsing a hidden underworld.

The expression and body language of the unworldly priest is something to behold, too. Some might be extravagantly warm, working hard to make out they feel at ease. Others might perform their duties with a poker face and a stiffness that reveals they’re beyond the comfort zone of being among their regular parishioners.

I recall attending the church funeral of a young journalist some years ago where the equally young Anglican priest’s demeanour stole the show for me. An endless eulogy performed in the pulpit by a friend of the deceased man was a string of gossipy anecdotes about promiscuous sex, drink and drugs binges and bitchy feuds with various acquaintances, all delivered with appropriately colourful language.

Intended as a fond tribute to a decadent and sometimes rather vicious rogue, it would have been a step too far as a raunchy best man’s speech let alone a funeral eulogy. Most of the congregation seemed to lap it up, laughing raucously at the most shocking outbursts of the stand-up comedian by the altar, seemingly insensitive to the view of some that it might be defiling a place of worship.

My eyes were transfixed on the priest who sat motionless, his expression, though deadpan, showing a hint of cool disdain. His lack of reaction to the speech—neither amusement nor embarrassment nor anger—seemed to speak volumes of his disapproval. The lunatics have taken over the asylum. Keep calm and carry on.

He dutifully stood at the door of the church shaking our hands as we processed out. When I said, ‘Thank you, Father,’ he nodded without so much as a smile. He seemed to just want out of the situation. Perhaps he was feeling remorse that he’d been naïve to allow things to go beyond his control.

What would a regulated funeral industry look like?

When people discover that you need a licence to open a cattery in this country, but not a funeral home, they are astounded. You’re kidding; surely they’re all qualified? Er, nope. Actually, some undertakers do sit an exam set by the undertakers’ trade associations, but it’s not compulsory. No, you can do a long sentence for cannibalism in Britain, and set up as an undertaker the day you’re released.

This may not seem right, but it doesn’t mean to say it’s necessarily wrong. The object of any legal framework must be to protect citizens from predation by bad people, not to protect them from themselves. If funeral shoppers make bad choices, whose fault is that? How many bad guys actually are there out there?

Over in New Zealand the Law Commission, a body which reviews areas where laws might be reckoned necessary, has turned its attention to the licensing of undertakers and the regulation of the NZ funeral industry. Because New Zealand shares most of its DNA with the English and the Scottish legal systems, the deliberations of its Law Commission are extremely interesting to us over here.

The proposals the Commission has put out for public consultation take account of the diverse needs and wishes of bereaved people, including those informed by religious dogma or a desire to go down the DIY route: Ideally, the public would continue to be able to opt out of using a funeral director … we are mindful of the risk of creating barriers to alternative styles of funeral preparation.”

The Commission has tried to be careful not to make recommendations which would incur compliance costs and, therefore, put up the cost of funerals. That could be wishful thinking.

Their recommendations give us a pretty good idea of what regulation of the industry might look like in the UK.

The industry in NZ is presently similar to that in the UK. It’s self-regulating. Their NAFD is the FDANZ and their Saif is the NZIFH. Some 60 per cent of undertakers are members of trade associations, and between them they arrange around 85 per cent of NZ funerals. As in the UK, they report very few complaints — which are dealt with in a very similar way. There is a growing band of boutique undertakers, greenies, empowerers and the like, many of whom are not members of a trade association. FDANZ membership is declining. One big difference from the UK is that in NZ most people are embalmed. Another is that in NZ it is very hard for a funeral shopper to buy a coffin whereas in Britain it is very easy and becoming commonplace.

As in the UK, funeral shoppers are supported by consumer protection laws. But the Commissioners worry about consumers’ lack of information, which handicaps their bargaining power:

“the lack of general public knowledge about funeral practices is a defining feature of the sector. Individuals are unlikely to seek this information until they need it urgently, by which point it is difficult to assess the options available.” 

Whose fault is it that bereaved people seek information too late? How could a law alter New Zealanders’ eyes-shut-tight  relationship with death? 

The Commissioners also worry about “the potential for serious emotional distress arising from unethical or inappropriate behaviour over the handling of the dead combined with the unique vulnerabilities of the clients.” The case they have in mind is this one; I’m not aware of any others.

The Commissioners get behind 2 proposals in particular, proposals which would inconvenience a good many of our best British undertakers. First:

a)  a requirement that all funeral service providers proactively disclose on their websites and other promotional materials the prices for the separate elements of the different services they offer; and 

b)  a requirement that they disclose to potential customers the qualifications held in relation to the different services provided, and inform customers of their affiliation or non-affiliation with an industry body that has a code of ethics and a complaints system.

Their second proposal is that:

a)  a mandatory requirement would be introduced for all those providing funeral services to the public to be licensed by the appropriate local authority; 

b)  before obtaining a licence the applicant would have to demonstrate to the local authority health inspector that they understand the health risks associated with handling deceased bodies, have access to suitable premises and transportation methods, understand the legal obligations regarding death and cremation certification, and are a “suitable person” to be providing such services to the public.

This would put UK funeral homes on a par with UK catteries. 

If legislation were to be enacted it would be unlikely to stop there — it never does. Regulation creep would likely infringe the ancient right of New Zealanders to care for their dead themselves. Consider this response to the Commission proposals: Cremation Society of Canterbury general manager Barbara Terry said there were also issues relating to families who wanted to bypass a funeral director and go “DIY”. She had 10 calls a week from people wanting to do their own organising and even had one who called up wanting to drop his mother off in a sleeping bag before “popping” her in the crematorium. “Who is setting the standards ensuring there is dignity in death?” she said. There needed to be more guidance for families on the issue and what it entailed.

Dignity. What on earth is that? How do you define it? How do you legislate for it? How, for example, does an undertaker ensure that bearers bow to a coffin with complete sincerity?

Here at the GFG we incline to the libertarian view: we’re against regulation. The public needs to get real about death. The big issue here isn’t their ignorance as negotiators, it’s the way their ignorance prevents them from arranging really meaningful funerals. Consumer scrutiny and information websites like this, combined with the GFG accreditation scheme, are enabling more and more people to equip themselves with the knowledge they need. Caveat emptor, we say, and leave well alone. 

You, though, may well think otherwise.

Spot the coffin

After last year’s annus horribilis, when the whiff of anything funereal on the telly had undertakers diving behind the sofa, it’s nice to see things return to normal.

Soaps are always a good source of funerals as are, of course, dead celebs. For the anoraks of Funeralworld, it’s fun to sit back and play spot-the-hearse. 

As with the recent publicity stunt for Sherlock Holmes Returns (BBC1, New Year’s Day). The photo at the bottom shows the hearse that drove around London last week publicising the resurrection. Whose hearse? Tadman’s, probably (the usual suspect in tellyfunerals).  

Over on Corrie, the upcoming funeral is that of transgender Hayley Cropper, married to Roy and suffering terminal pancreatic cancer. Hayley wants to end her life if it becomes unendurable. 

On Friday Hayley and Roy visited an undertaker’s at Hayley’s insistence. They didn’t like anything about the experience. Roy refused to engage. And then his spirit of denial gave way to a steely determination to make Hayley’s sendoff meaningful and not too expensive, and he started doing some research on the internet. The two of them had a heart to heart. Roy showed her what he’d been looking at and Hayley picked out the flowery coffin pictured at the top. For a bigger, clearer view have a look at this spoiler story in the Daily Star. 

This was the point at whch, back in real life, GFG website traffic suddenly surged, causing us to recall the media monitoring team from all manner of geekspots to the GFG-Batesville Shard. We don’t watch Corrie, we had no idea what was going on. The geeks soon tracked the origin of the activity, and we all sat and watched as people clicked through to our chosen coffin suppliers. 

It was remarkable. People who hadn’t realised you can find out this sort of stuff on the internet were googling away like mad. Bravo!

But back to you Funeralworld anoraks. Whose coffin is that, do you think? Who is the maker/supplier? 

Apocalypse? What apocalypse?

There’s a wide and growing measure of agreement that the next big scandal to hit the funeral industry is going to centre on pre-need funeral plans.

On the one hand, there is intensifying anxiety concerning the robustness of trust funds. There are dark and disturbing rumours flying around about plans coming in underfunded.

On the other hand, there are rising fears of greedy or desperate small funeral directors pocketing money paid to them by clients for funeral plans. In America, scarcely a week goes by without some wretched undertaker or other being dragged off to court to answer a charge of embezzlement. 

With the Ponzi word being murmured ever more loudly, it’s no surprise to see one funeral plan provider seeking to gain a competitive advantage among undertakers by playing on fear: 

With increasing focus on the financial security of pre-payment funds, you may feel that now is the time to find out more about how your current provider operates. For example, do you know what guarantees are in place … you may be aware that the Actuarial Profession has set up a Working Party to review the prudential regulation of funeral trusts…

For consumers, a funeral plan’s attractions obscure its inadequacies. It gift-wraps money in a way no other financial product can. It’s an easy sell — which is why Age UK can get away with flogging pricey Dignity plans to its less well-off clients. 

It’d be interesting to know how many financial advisers have bought a funeral plan. And yes, how many of you undertakers and celebrants out there have bought one, eh? Come on, hands up. 

In the present climate Golden Charter has been dissed more than most. The perception is that it has grown increasingly aggressive in its selling methods to both undertakers and the public; that it is overheating and riding for a fall. There are some who mutter that Golden Charter is a hubristic bubble business. 

Unverifiable smears and rumours, exacerbated by industry factionalism, muddy the waters. They create fear and despondency; they are unfair. But they also serve their purpose. They intensify scrutiny; they compel plan providers to exert themselves to demonstrate their viability. They stimulate openness. 

So it is valuable to be able to publish the following communiqué from Golden Charter to its member funeral directors: 

As we are all aware, the funeral planning industry is founded on trust and confidence. We need the public to have total faith in the certainty that the money which they have laid down is secure and will provide the benefits that they have been promised when the time comes. 

Equally important in this equation is for the funeral director to know that the money secured in an insurance policy or Trust will be there when required and will produce a meaningfully relevant sum which will enable their services to be carried out profitably and in full. 

In recent years, inflationary growth has been low and has been considerably outstripped by funeral cost inflation. The wider economic picture is no different where wage growth has struggled to match inflation. This issue is one of the reasons why Golden Charter has grown a legal services business, providing a way of generating profits which can be added to the maturity values of our contributing funeral director’s plans. We will be making a further annual distribution of this surplus very shortly and, while this helps to address potential shortfalls, it is only useful if the underlying funding arrangements remain completely secure.

The ramifications of the banking crisis continue to rumble on and the financial regulators remain the recipients of much criticism, currently over the appointment of the former Chairman of Co-operative Bank. As a result, public confidence in finance companies remains fragile. With the media screaming about a multi-billion pound black hole in the Co-op Group’s balance sheet, it would be surprising if some plan holders weren’t concerned and that anxiety may also spread to holders of other plans. 

To avoid any possible doubts arising in the minds of our plan holders and your customers, Golden Charter will make a series of announcements about the strength of the Golden Charter Trust. The details will emerge following next week’s SAIFCharter EGM as it is only proper that we inform our owners first. We can, however, announce today that the Trust currently holds more assets than it requires to fully meet all of its forecast liabilities and, furthermore, it is in its strongest position ever. That calm progress through the financial storm has been achieved by following a cautious investment policy and adding prudent levels of growth on plans. Reassuringly, the Trust remains a firm foundation for all of your plan holders. 

More detailed figures will be released around the end of this month and any plan holders seeking more information about the Golden Charter Trust can be guided to the Trust’s website at www.goldenchartertrust.co.uk.

Richard Mark Sage

Richard Mark Sage, also known as Mark Kerbey, until recently the owner of the Mary Mayer Funeral Home, Southend-on-Sea, is due back in Blackfriars Crown Court to answer a charge of fraud by misrepresentation on 2 December. He is presently on bail. 

Anyone seeking redress against this man should contact the police now. 

If you have any information about the case, please tell us.

An anxiety has to be the fate of the money Sage has taken for funeral plans. 

Let’s get physical

Once upon a time photos were physical things that you gathered together and painstakingly stuck into an album. Nowadays, our photos are virtual — digital — and we merrily scatter them across our social media. Photos used to accumulate. Not any more, they don’t. The result is that the memories they evoke become fragmented among many people and easily evaporate. 

The selfsame technology that encourages this willy-nilly scattering also enables a community of people linked together on a social network like Facebook to act collaboratively to bring their photos, with their memories, together in a compilation that can be shared as a pdf or  a physical book. 

Take an example. Lots of people go to a wedding. They blaze away with their smartphones and cameras, then post the best on Facebook. All very fragmented and transient. Photosharing software enables one of these people to ‘author’ an album of the wedding by asking everyone to contribute their best photo/s together with a few words of text. The compilation album can then be shared digitally or fed through to a printer and made physical. 

There’s a growing number of photosharing outfits out there. I’ve been talking to one of them, PastBook, about compiling an photo and tribute album when someone dies, enabling the dead person’s scattered and fragmented social media community to contribute a photo and a few words about them to a photo album which tells their story — and which can then be browsed on the web, downloaded as a pdf or printed as a book. 

PastBook has now developed an In Memoriam app and trialled it at the Salon Funéraire (the big French deathcare expo) where, founder Stefano Cutello tells me in an email, “We got picked up as the most innovative company of the entire fair!” Read Stephano’s blog post here

Anyone can use the PastBook app to create an album. It’s all free — but you pay for the physical book. That’s clearly where they make their money back. Prices are reasonable, starting at under a tenner for a hardback book containing 24 photos. 

PastBook has rolled out a white-label version for celebrants and funeral companies so that they can provide the service under their own brand and domain.

It’s not at all easy for us addle-brained oldies at the GFG to get our heads around this sort of stuff, but we do our best for you, all in the cause of duty. We’re not in any sort of commercial relationship with PastBook, obviously; we don’t do commercial. But if you think the concept is one which is likely to take off, you’ll probably want to check it out. The video at the top sums it up. (We had to watch it a couple of times before we got it.)