A gothic tale of a dazzling light in a drab world

Posted by Richard Rawlinson (at his very best — Ed)

It was while writing about Medieval music here that my thoughts turned mechancholic about the loss of Isabella Blow, the fashionista who committed suicide a few years ago. A uniquely English eccentric, Issie loved the Middle Ages, and both her wedding and funeral were held with Gothic pomp at Gloucester Cathedral. This linking of the two, which seemed to spring out of nowhere, reiterated for me how we live with the dead in memory, how even seemingly random reminders can trigger thoughts about the past. 

I first met her as Issie Broughton at a party in London in the late 1980s before she married the art dealer, Detmar Blow. I was an office junior at The Spectator and she was fashion editor at Tatler.  Her wide-eyed stare and toothy grin made her charismatic rather than conventionally beautiful but it wasn’t just her idiosyncratic dress sense that attracted attention everywhere she went, it was her electric energy and aura. 

Her machine gun-fire conversation peppered you with outrageous gossip one minute, and genuine kindness the next, before descending into deep gloominess, turning the potential diva into a vulnerable girl.  

Within a few minutes of talking to her, you’d know she had an unreciprocated crush on the young and romantically-titled Thane of Cawdor (‘How couldn’t I fall for a descendant of Macbeth?’) and that her grandfather, Jock Delves Broughton, shot himself in Kenya’s ‘Happy Valley’ (‘Did you see White Mischief?’). You’d then learn of her frustrations about artistic restraints at work and the burden of debts accrued by financial extravagance (“Compromise just isn’t in my vocabulary, darling’). At the same time, she showed disconcerting enthusiasm for your every utterance, however trifling (‘If you’ve always wanted to visit Moscow, you must, must, MUST go without delay. Life’s too short to put things off’). 

While remaining lovable and fascinating, Issie also had a habit of falling out with friends and employers. She’d hold grudges at slights, real or imagined. Her temperament, as high maintenance as her wardrobe, was, as we now know, due to severe bouts of depression and mental illness. 

As she became well-known as the passionate style guru who discovered, nurtured and championed new creative talent from photographers and models to milliner Philip Treacy and designer Alexander McQueen, she felt her own aspirations were unfulfilled. She lived for the benefit of others but desperately needed help herself. 

She was in fact celebrated and patiently indulged by many, including her husband, but the trouble with insanity is its capacity to alienate, to destroy perspective and, in the case of Issie, no amount of love, or giggles-inducing happy pills, could persuade her otherwise. Fag and glass of wine in hand, lipstick smudged and moth-eaten couture frock, mounting debts and bridges burned at glossy magazines, she was, in her warped view, an empty vessel, an ageing, worthless failure for whom death was the only solution. 

It got worse with her seeming inability to find a home in the fashion world she influenced. Issie’s friend Daphne Guinness has said she became upset that Alexander McQueen didn’t take her along when he sold his brand to Gucci. ‘Once the deals started happening, she fell by the wayside,’ says Guinness. ‘Everybody else got contracts, and she got a free dress’. Then she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. 

She made several suicide attempts, including an overdose of sleeping pills, jumping from the Hammersmith Flyover and trying to drown herself in a lake. She was sectioned in psychiatric wards and given electroconvulsive therapy to no avail. In 2007, at a weekend party at her country house, she drank weedkiller, and died in Gloucestershire Royal Hospital the next day. 

At the funeral at Gloucester Cathedral, husband Detmar has discussed how, while in grief, he was snubbed by a few members of the fashion crowd, ignorant of all the support he gave his wife. 

One memory of the couple is when I asked Issie to help me research a clothing-related feature. She agreed to meet me for lunch. She chose an expensive restaurant, brought along her then new husband, and left me with the hefty bill as payment for her consultancy. They were charming and it was worth it. She also gave me a fat hardback, 1,000 Years of Fashion, with her name, Isabella Broughton, scribbled on the inside page, and a picture of a Medieval dandy on its spine. It remains on my bookshelf, every so often reminding me of a fabulous-yet-flawed woman, a dazzling light in an often drab world.  

Seeing is disbelieving

An Indiana funeral director said he was fired for refusing to use random body parts to create fake cadavers for three his funeral home lost.

David Eckert said his employer, Alpha Funeral Service of Indianapolis, routinely loaned cadavers to Indiana University’s School of Medicine, Courthouse News Service reported.

When three cadavers went missing, Eckert said he was ordered to “get this handled and taken care of” it by his boss, owner Anthony Edwards.

More here

Keeping tabs on Dad

There’s a very nice piece in the New York Times about a brother and sister who devised an ingenious way of keeping tabs on their ageing and determinedly  independent father. Here are some extracts to whet your appetite:

My brother and I created a shared Google calendar — an online calendar in which we could both make entries from wherever we happened to be. Each time either of us spoke to our father, we marked it in the calendar — what time of day it was, how he sounded, what we spoke about.

The upshot was that we had an excellent record of how he was — whether he was getting out, if he was cheerful or feeling low, changes to his medicines, any falls he said he had had. The calendar also allowed us to make sure that one of us spoke to him just about every day.

At the time, I was glad we kept the calendar because it helped us to cope with a difficult situation. Now I’m glad for a different reason: it helps me remember small details about him, the little things that slip out of memory, that fade with time. Laughs, tears, worries, frustrations, joy and love — it’s all in the calendar.

Do read it all here

Let’s hear it for the good guys

“Nice guys”, they say, “don’t win ball games.” Well, maybe they don’t – but they certainly make nice coffins. Here’re two of them.

First, come with me to Scotland to the tiny fishing village of Johnshaven (above) and meet Robert Lawrence and his wife, Charlotte. In his workshop Robert, artist and lover of wood, makes the Honest Coffin. It’s a plain, pine box. It’s made from Scottish larch. No chemicals, no polish, no stain. No screws, either: Robert uses oak dowels. And it’s strong – strong as can be. Robert describes the making process as creative, not production line.

What got him into coffins? He went to some funerals, didn’t much like what he saw and decided to do better. We rather think he has.

Robert sells only through the trade except to families acting as their own funeral director, to whom he will sell direct.

Come with me now to Woodbridge in Suffolk and meet Martin Wenyon, another lovely person. He’s a naval architect who’s had an eventful life which, recently, entailed looking after forests and castles in Bohemia. He makes his coffins from imported timber, but he’s soon switching over to native timber. They’re almost, possibly just not quite, as eco-friendly as Honest Coffins. Martin’s are painted, and lend themselves to decoration, which is why he is currently forming partnerships with artists and marketing a range of Coffins by Artists.

Martin sells his coffins direct to the public. £485 +  free delivery within 100 miles of Woodbridge. 

The Gas Poker

The Gas Poker by Thom Gunn

(An account of his mother’s suicide when he was in his teens, written in the third person.)

Forty-eight years ago—
Can it be forty-eight
Since then?—they forced the door
Which she had barricaded
With a full bureau’s weight
Lest anyone find, as they did,
What she had blocked it for.

She had blocked the doorway so,
To keep the children out.
In her red dressing-gown
She wrote notes, all night busy
Pushing the things about,
Thinking till she was dizzy,
Before she had lain down.

The children went to and fro
On the harsh winter lawn
Repeating their lament,
A burden, to each other
In the December dawn,
Elder and younger brother,
Till they knew what it meant.

Knew all there was to know.
Coming back off the grass
To the room of her release,
They who had been her treasures
Knew to turn off the gas,
Take the appropriate measures,
Telephone the police.

One image from the flow
Sticks in the stubborn mind:
A sort of backwards flute.
The poker that she held up
Breathed from the holes aligned
Into her mouth till, filled up
By its music, she was mute.

Good question, Poppy

In 2010/11, 40,000 women attended NCT antenatal classes. This is on top of regular meetings with midwives and GPs. Mumsnet gets 50 million page views per month. We clearly want information badly.

So why do we prepare ourselves for birth and death so differently?

Read the whole of Poppy Mardall’s article in the Huffington Post here

Well done, Poppy, for getting the message out!

Feeding time

Yorkshire-headquartered Yew Holdings has been acquired by rival funeral services provider Dignity in a deal priced at £58.3m.

Dignity has also announced plans for a share placing to raise £24.2m before expenses. The acquisition comprises 40 funeral locations and two crematoria located in the north of England.

Dignity added there were “significant opportunities” to improve the financial performance of Yew’s funeral portfolio. It said the deal should lead to a “high degree of operational efficiency”.

In a statement the company said: “Like Dignity, Yew trades under established local brand names. 

More here and here

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour – 1 Peter 5:8

Hat tip: The Man

There’s snow stopping him

From the Birmingham Mail

Motorbike-mad Horace Craythorne was given a high-octane send-off – when he made his last journey in a sidecar hearse.

The old soldier – who died earlier this month aged 97 – beat the snow by travelling to a Midland crematorium in fitting style yesterday, his coffin draped in a Union flag.

The Rev Paul Sinclair, of motorcycle hearse service Motorcycle Funerals, led the service after riding the bike to which the sidecar was attached.

You only get one chance to get it wrong

A few years ago I worked with a very nice woman on her second husband’s funeral. Naturally, we talked about all sorts of things. She recalled the day of her first husband’s funeral. The hearse was due to go direct to the crematorium and she left home in good time so as to be sure of meeting it there. She set great store by punctuality. 

On the way she noticed, ahead of her, what looked very like a broken-down hearse on the side of the road. It was indeed a broken down hearse on the side of the road and in it were the mortal remains of her husband. She stopped and endured a vast outpouring of apology from the red-faced funeral director. How was she to know that this was one of the worst possible things that can happen to a funeral director, the stuff of nightmares, of crazed, gibbering terror at the darkest, loneliest hour of the night? 

In any case, she saw it differently. She thought it terrifically funny. All through their marriage one of her stock retorts to him had been “You’ll be late for your own blinking funeral!” And here he was, late for his own blinking funeral. Perfect. 

You only get one chance to get it right, they say. But here was a disaster which made the day. 

I have witnessed a few disasters at funerals and I can’t think of many that didn’t make the day. Bereaved people have a happy way of recasting a disaster as the hilarious intervention of the the person who’s died – a posthumous last raspberry. 

A faultless funeral must always be the beau ideal of a funeral director. But faultlessness at all costs can turn a funeral into a parade ground. And seamless can easily = soulless. There must always be room for whoopsiness. 

What’s your funeral whoopsie story? 

RIP Michael Winner

“If you’re dead, you’re dead, so who cares. I tell people illness is a nuisance and extreme illness is a f***ing nuisance, but you have to live with the cards you’ve been dealt. My family were put to death in the camps, so compared to that, what I’m going through is minor.

“I’m very happy to snuff it. I’ve had enough time on Earth. I’d be happy if someone gave me the plug to pull.”

Michael Winner died today.