Charles – Page 83 – The Good Funeral Guide

Did you?

13 September 2012

Charles

25 Comments

Categories: funeral, funeral customs, Hearses, Plan your own funeral, shroud

Did you like it?

I’d be inclined to give it 10 out of 10.

Last night’s BBC2 programme Dead Good Job is well worth watching. If you missed it, it covers:

a Muslim funeral company’s attempts to bury the dead as quickly as possible in accordance with Islamic tradition, a terminally ill mother of two who chooses to plan and arrange her own funeral and a high speed send off for a biker who gets his wish of a final ride in a motorcycle hearse.

Next week, we are delighted to see that they will be following Rachel Wallace, funeral photographer. We’re huge fans of Rachel here at the GFG-Batesville Tower.

Catch it on the iPlayer here.

Crookback dug up?

13 September 2012

Charles

2 Comments

Categories: burial, memorialisation

Posted by Richard Rawlinson

A skeleton, a skeleton, my kingdom for a skeleton!

Might we soon discover if Richard III is the hunchbacked tyrant with a withered arm depicted in Shakespeare or if his physical disability was merely Tudor propaganda?

The king was buried in the church of a Franciscan friary in Leicester after being slain at the Battle of Bosworth in 1485. But the dissolution of the monasteries under Henry VIII just over 50 years later has resulted in the exact burial spot being forgotten.

Now Leicester University archeologists, having examined historical maps, have located the most likely site for the church—a car park of the social services office in the centre of Leicester.

More here. And more unfolding in the news daily.

Ed’s note: Apologies to Richard the R for the lateness of this. We are way off the pace in all areas just now.

Big Ted

11 September 2012

Charles

1 Comment

Categories: Uncategorised

Posted by Vale

Seemed fitting to end a day of animals with a tribute to that intelligent and sensitive creature the pig. RIP Big Ted:

Big Ted’s dead , he was a great old pig
He’d eat most anything, never wore a wig
Now he’s gone like snow on the water, good bye

He was getting old so the farmer said
“Sold him to the butcher just to make a little bread”
Now he’s gone like snow on the water, don’t cry

Ted may be a moo cow next time around
Giving sweet milk to the people in the town
He’ll be whatever he will choose on air or sea or ground

The sows are busy with the piglets fine
I’d put them in the forest now if they were mine
cause I know they like acorns and I don’t like bacon

Boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy
Squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly
Boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy
Sham sham sharoo, oh sham sham sharoo

Big Ted’s sold and gone

He came into the kitchen while we were away
He took all the rice and he forgot to pay
He´s gone like snow on the water, good bye

He never cared to do the boogaloo dance
All he ever thought about was food and romance
And he’s gone like snow on the water, good bye

Ted may be a moo cow next time around
Giving sweet milk to the people in the town
He’ll be whatever he will choose on air or sea or ground

The sows are busy with the piglets fine
I’d put them in the forest now if they were mine
cause I know they like acorns and I don’t like bacon

Boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy
Squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly, squidly
Boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy, boochy
Sham sham sharoo, oh sham sham sharoo

Big Ted’s sold and gone

/span

Who Killed Cock Robin?

11 September 2012

Charles

No comments

Categories: Animals, Art and death, music

Posted by Vale

THE DEATH AND BURIAL OF POOR COCK ROBIN

Who killed Cock Robin?
“I,” said the sparrow,
“With my little bow and arrow,
I killed Cock Robin,”

Who saw him die?
“I,” said the fly,
“With my little eye,
I saw him die.”

Who caught his blood?
“I,” said the fish,
“With my little dish,
I caught his blood.”

Who’ll make his shroud?
“I,” said the beetle,
“With my thread and needle.
I’ll make his shroud.”

Who’ll carry the torch?
“I,” said the linnet,
“I’ll come in a minute,
I’ll carry the torch.”

Who’ll be the clerk?
“I,” said the lark,
“If it’s not in the dark,
I’ll be the clerk.”

Who’ll dig his grave?
“I,” said the owl,
“With my spade and trowel
I’ll dig his grave.”

Who’ll be the parson?
“I,” said the rook,
“With my little book,
I’ll be the parson.”

Who’ll be chief mourner?
“I,” said the dove,
“I mourn for my love,
I’ll be chief mourner.”

Who’ll sing a psalm?
“I,” said the thrush,
“As I sit in a bush.
I’ll sing a psalm.”

Who’ll carry the coffin?
“I,” said the kite,
“If it’s not in the night,
I’ll carry the coffin.”

Who’ll toll the bell?
“I,” said the bull,
“Because I can pull,
I’ll toll the bell.”

All the birds of the air
Fell sighing and sobbing,
When they heard the bell toll
For poor Cock Robin.

I came across some beautiful Victorian illustrations of the nursery rhyme on the Daily Undertaker The full set can be found here.

Animal wakes and funerals

11 September 2012

Charles

2 Comments

Categories: Animals, Attitudes to dead bodies, Grief

Posted by Vale

When Dorothy the chimp died at the sanctuary in the Cameroons, other members of her troop looked on as she was buried, comforting each other with touches and caresses.

Animals don’t just grieve; new studies suggest that they might mark a passing too. Mark Bekoff of Colorado University has written that:

I once happened upon what seemed to be a magpie funeral service. A magpie had been hit by a car. Four of his flock mates stood around him silently and pecked gently at his body. One, then another, flew off and brought back pine needles and twigs and laid them by his body. They all stood vigil for a time, nodded their heads, and flew off. I also watched a red fox bury her mate after a cougar had killed him. She gently laid dirt and twigs over his body, stopped, looked to make sure he was all covered, patted down the dirt and twigs with her forepaws, stood silently for a moment, then trotted off, tail down and ears laid back against her head.

In another study reported on the BBC Nature website, when Western Scrub Jays:

‘spied a dead bird, they started making alarm calls, warning others long distances away.

The jays then gathered around the dead body, forming large cacophonous aggregations. The calls they made, known as “zeeps”, “scolds” and “zeep-scolds”, encouraged new jays to attend to the dead.

The jays also stopped foraging for food, a change in behaviour that lasted for over a day…

The results suggest that “without witnessing the struggle and manner of death”, the researchers write, the jays see the presence of a dead bird as information to be publicly shared, just as they do the presence of a predator.’

The reason suggested for the birds’ behaviour is that by broadcasting and marking the death, the flock is alerted to danger. Sounds fair, but the fasting as well?

The more you search the more you find. It isn’t safe or sensible for us to imagine that on this multitudinous planet we are alone in our feelings of grief or gladness, or in what seems to be a common need to mark a passing.

Grief in animals

11 September 2012

Charles

17 Comments

Categories: Animals, Grief

Posted by Vale

The photo shows a swallow grieving for its mate who had been killed in collision with a car. In a series of shots (see them here) we see him first try to feed his mate and then, when he realises that she is dead, seems to cry out. But how can an animal ‘realise’ that another bird has died? can it know itself; can it comprehend death?

Rooting around I came across this on a site called Animalwise. It’s a description of a dolphin and a calf that has died:

‘…it was quite clear that the mother was mourning. She seemed to be unable to accept the death, and was behaving as if there was any hope of rescuing her calf. She lifted the little corpse above the surface, in an apparent late attempt to let the calf breath. She also pushed the calf underwater, perhaps hoping that the baby could dive again. These behaviours were repeated over and over again, and sometimes frantically, during two days of observation.

The mother did never separate from her calf. From the boat, researchers and volunteers could hear heartbreaking cries while she touched her offspring with the rostrum and pectoral fins. Witnessing such desperate behaviour was a shocking experience for those on board the research boat.’

In truth there is a huge amount of evidence that animals know death and grieve when it touches them. It’s not just the obvious ‘intelligent’ animals – the elephants, the dolphins or the primates – either. Conrad Lorenz, the naturalist, noted that:

“A greylag goose that has lost its partner shows all the symptoms that [developmental psychologist] John Bowlby has described in young human children in his famous book Infant Grief … the eyes sink deep into their sockets, and the individual has an overall drooping experience, literally letting the head hang …”

A fascinating and very moving article in Psychology Today asks – with descriptions of grief amongst elephants and seals, magpies, llamas and wolves – not whether animals grieve, but why they should. I know it’s unscientific of me, but I find the question shocking. It springs, I suppose, from the view of animal behaviour that assumes that every action must have an evolutionary (selfish?) purpose.

I was relieved and comforted when in the end no explanation was offered, only the reflection that for all us animals:

“grief is the price of commitment, that wellspring of both happiness and sorrow.”

Worth reading the whole article.

Good Funeral Awards opening address

10 September 2012

Charles

16 Comments

Categories: Uncategorised

The Good Funeral Awards opening ceremony comprised a cavalcade of alternative hearses, a flower arranging contest, a dove release and a performance by the green fuse choir. It culminated in this address by funeral celebrant Belinda Forbes. You had to be there, of course, to get the full 120% because Belinda’s delivery is very compelling. But the 100% version still says it all.

Looking around tonight, I think it’s fairly safe to say that we’re a mixed bunch. But, as well as our funeral work, we do have something else in common…

We worry. And it’s not surprising. With funerals, there’s only ONE chance to get it right. No re-takes.

I worry about everything. As the hollow-eyed man who is my husband will tell you. However, most things are in our control so, it’s the day of the funeral when I do most of my worrying. On one occasion I was so worried that the family bearers were going to drop the coffin that I did the only thing a celebrant can do in a situation like this.

I shut my eyes.

But whenever I’m worrying, there’s one thing I know I can depend on – all the people around me who care as well, wanting THIS funeral to be best it can be. And to everyone I work with and the staff at my local crematorium in Bracknell: THANK YOU for looking after me and making me smile.

And so, despite the worry, I can truthfully say…

I love my job.

But I don’t make a habit of telling people this. Because they might think I’m saying, ‘I love death.’ Or worse, ‘I love it when people die.’

When we say what we do for a living, some people are fascinated and want to know more. Others are so desperate to escape, SO determined NOT to know more, that they’ll put their hands up as if trying to protect themselves from what we might reveal!

Part of the shock is our fault of course. Because we cunningly disguise ourselves to look like normal people.

But tonight, thanks to a slightly bonkers yet wonderfully brilliant idea by those visionaries, Brian Jenner and Charles Cowling, we can reveal ourselves. IN ALL OUR GLORY.

Instead of words like dismal, unpleasant, sombre and depressing we can UNASHAMEDLY use words like devoted, enthusiastic, dedicated and inspirational.

And one day we’ll be able to tell everyone what we do for a living without apologising and saying, ‘It’s not as bad as it sounds…’

Finally, some advice from a lady who writes posts for the Good Funeral Guide Blog: that wise and fearless funeral-goer Lyra Mollington.

‘To the finalists: well done and my very best wishes. And, if you win one of the awards, try not to look too elated or smug: just a serene acceptance that your brilliance has at last been recognised.’

And I now hand you back to the force of nature that is our host this evening. The loveliest and most generous man in the land of funerals, Mr Charles Cowling.

ED’S NOTE: It was an inviolable condition of publishing this that the nice bits about me stayed in. Pass over them. Brian is justly garlanded.

Good Funeral Award 2012 winners

9 September 2012

Charles

10 Comments

Categories: Uncategorised

Posted by Charles

Good Funeral Award 2012 Winners

Most Promising New Funeral Director
Bryan and Catherine Powell
Poppy Mardall

Embalmer of the Year
Mark Elliott
Julie-Anne Lowe

The Eternal Slumber Award for Coffin Supplier of the Year
Greenfield Creations
Crazy Coffins
Ecoffins

Most Significant Contribution to the Understanding of Death in the Media (TV, Film, Newspaper, Magazine or Online)
Final Fling
Mindfulness and Mortality

Crematorium Attendant of the Year
Peter Smith – Gloucester Crematorium
Alistair Anderson – City of London

Best Internet Bereavement Resource
Beyond Goodbye
My Last Song

The Blossom d’Amour Award For Funeral Floristry
Fairmile Florist
Fresh Floral Design, Hillview Florist

Funeral Celebrant of the Year
Karen Imms
George Callendar, Rupert Callender

Cemetery of the Year
Bidwell Woodland Burials
Wandsworth

Gravedigger of the Year
Bernard Underdown
David Yeoman

Funeral Directors of the Year
Simon Smith and Jane Morrell at green fuse
Rupert and Claire Callender at The Green Funeral Company

Best Alternative to a hearse
Paul Sinclair, Motorcycle Funerals
Volkswagen Funerals
Necrobus

Book of the Year (published after 1 May 2011)
Making an Exit
Natural Death Handbook

Lifetime Achievement Award
Barry Albin-Dyer
John Mallatrat

Congratulations to you all!

We were conscious of three things above all when we devised this project. First, that it would celebrate the work of a lot of incredibly nice, deserving people who are wholly overlooked. Second, that it was likely to attract the sort of publicity that would redress some of the reputational damage the industry has suffered in the last year. Third, that it risked dashing hopes and creating unhappiness.

We scored high marks on 1 and 2. In addition to being filmed for an hour-long TV documentary to be screened in November, Mark Elliott, embalmer, spoke on R4’s Saturday Live. If you didn’t hear him, and Edwina Currie’s response, find it here. Oh, and there could be something in the Sun.

Regarding 3, we did not want anyone to travel any distance only to be disappointed, so our plan was to call both winner and runner-up to the stage and invite them both to speak. It would have diminished any perceived gap between them and, because there was so little gap anyway, it seemed appropriate. We were compelled by the TV people to scrap that at the last minute because we had run out of time, and that was distressing and regrettable. I’d like to say how sorry we are to all runners-up, conscious that sorry really isn’t good enough. (For some, there will be consolation that, in the documentary, they will get a lot more air time.)

Perhaps most surprising was the view of, I think, everyone I talked to afterwards that an awards ceremony has to create suspense and whoop-whoop at the expense of the downcast oh-so-close.

Do tell us what you think about concept and execution. Our default position is self-critical, so no praise, please.

My apologies if the above lacks lucidity, but I am very tired!

If you have any photos of the event, it would be a very great kindness if you would send them in. Needless to say, I took none. I’ll mount them as a slideshow in a forthcoming post.

Thoughts of a funeral-goer

7 September 2012

Charles

5 Comments

Categories: Thoughts of a funeralgoer

Posted by Lyra Mollington

I was fascinated to read about the Good Funeral Guide Awards ceremony. What a wonderful idea! To all the finalists: well done and my very best wishes. And if you win one of the awards, try not to look too elated or smug: just a serene acceptance that your brilliance has at last been recognised.

Here are my thoughts on each of the awards.

Most Promising New Funeral Director: she or he should be as far removed as possible from Del Boy or Uriah Heep (the Charles Dickens character not the English rock band). Sincerity and an ability to listen are paramount.
Embalmer of the Year: everyone who embalms for a living deserves an award. Shortly after my neighbour Keith died, his wife Doreen was inconsolable when she saw his grey face seemingly contorted in agony. A few days later, she visited him at the funeral home and he looked serene and peaceful. In fact she had never seen him looking so relaxed.
Coffin Supplier of the Year: I am sure that anyone who reliably offers a large choice (and who supplies the correct design and the right size at short notice) is in with a chance here. Valerie’s mum’s coffin looked lovely – pale blue with a meadow-flower design.
Most Significant Contribution to the Understanding of Death in the Media. I don’t envy the judges on this one. But the winner should definitely not be the producer of Midsomer Murders.
Crematorium Attendant of the Year. This person should be like the young lady I met at Joyce’s funeral: smartly dressed, caring, calm, discreet and tactful. With a friendly smile.
Best Internet Bereavement Resource: another tricky one. Apart from Barry, very few of my friends, bereaved or otherwise, use the internet. But then there’s Jeremy – he loves the internet. Three weeks after his wife’s funeral, he was using an online dating agency. But that probably doesn’t count as an internet bereavement resource.
Funeral Floristry Award: as someone who is incapable of arranging even the smallest bunch flowers, I admire anyone who can create floral displays. However, I’m a traditionalist when it comes to flowers. Some of the designs I have buy cialis manchester seen have not been to my taste but I have to admit that they were eye-catching and thought-provoking: a witch, a giant cigarette and a kangaroo spring to mind.
Funeral Celebrant of the Year: looking back at all the funerals I have been to, the celebrant at cousin Trevor’s funeral has been the best so far. She barely batted an eyelid when that mobile phone went off with the ring-tone that asks, ‘Who let the dogs out’? Also, she had carefully listened to Trevor’s wife Marjorie. The ceremony was a perfect balance of laughter and solemnity.
Cemetery of the Year: I’m a little old-fashioned when it comes to cemeteries. A cemetery is no place for helium balloons, wind-chimes, nodding dogs, flags or windmills. In fact anything wind-related should be banned.
Gravedigger of the Year: these people deserve a medal. I arrived early for a burial once and to my surprise a tall and handsome man appeared out of the ground. He had just finished digging out a double-depth grave by hand. Not only was it extremely hot, the earth was solid clay. When one of the mourners threw in some ‘soil’ it landed on the coffin like a paving slab.
Funeral Director of the Year: this person must surely be a tried and tested version of the ‘Most Promising New Funeral Director’. See my comments above.
Best Alternative to a Hearse: this is an easy one. Your own, or a borrowed, estate car. Although I am still certain that with the seats down and the boot lid slightly raised I could fit Mr M’s body into the back of my Ford Fiesta.
Book of the Year (published after 1 May 2011). Not Dead Yet by Peter James. I love crime novels. However these authors need to do their research on funerals more thoroughly. Which is what I told Mr James when I met him last year.
Lifetime Achievement Award: I assume that this person will be fairly old and experienced with a good sense of humour. Which could be me of course – although, sadly, six months of writing about funerals probably doesn’t count as a lifetime’s achievement.

Something for the weekend

7 September 2012

Charles

3 Comments

Categories: music, Poetry

Posted by Vale

I was at a service a little while ago that included this lovely tribute from a wife to a husband:

To My Dear Loving Husband – Anne Bradstreet

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov’d by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye woman, if you can.
Prise thy love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor aught but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let’s so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever

Complicated and moving, we were hardly prepared for the husband’s favorite song that followed, though the mischief on the face of the widow might have warned us.