No Zil lanes for the dead

The Olympics are going to create a headache for funeral directors and the bereaved in a country where getting to the crem on time is crucial to the smooth running of a crematorium. Some funeral directors are already in despair. According to the Daily Star: 

Moona Taslim of Muslim funeral home Haji Taslim, which sits parallel to the ­Olympic route, said: “We’re completely buggered.”

 

Source

The vital importance of being embalmed

Contrary to popular belief, embalming a body is not required by law.

However, every funeral home requires it for an open casket service. Otherwise, there will be odors and the body may look grotesque for viewing, which affects a funeral home’s reputation.

Source

Sick ghouls

Two callous thieves who snatched floral wreaths from a crematorium so they could use them for free at a family funeral have been fined £35 each.

Full story in the, you guessed it, Mail here.

Camref – the Campaign for Real Funerals

The departing board chairman of Golden Charter funeral plans offers this cold sweat-inducing warning to independent funeral directors in a valedictory address in the Golden Charter newsletter, Goldenews, which we are grateful to have had forwarded to us. He says:

Co-op and Dignity have both acquired significant additional scale, and unquestionably they are operating with a better financial model than independents – on their own – can hope to achieve. There will be no softening of their ambition and there will be greater local commercial pressure. We can also expect consolidation to come from other quarters, particularly private equity.

Not only are these two corporations and private equity seeking to dominate the funerals market, they are making substantial in-roads into the crematoria market. The strategy is to provide future control of and access to crematoria which will potentially form a risk to independents and the prices that they will have to pay.

Corporations like to deal with corporations, and Co-op and Dignity present like-minded opportunity to the insurance companies. In 2007, an over 50’s plan was merely a means of building a financial provision for a funeral – the question of service provision did not come into it.

However, the insurance companies now manage 60 per cent of funds subsequently to be used to pay for a funeral, and it is a reality that they exert considerable influence over who carries out a funeral.

The funeral industry is one of the last bastions for independents. Almost every other market sector has fallen to national or international consolidation. Over the next five years, the choice for an independent funeral director is simple: sell to the competition or come together and exploit your collective strength.

This remains a chilling analysis even after you factor in the chairman’s sales pitch: ‘Over the next five years, the choice for an independent funeral director is simple: sell to the competition or come together and exploit your collective strength. Golden Charter is the only credible collective umbrella.’

Consolidation, done well, benefits consumers and shareholders. The present corporate players will fail to grow their market share if they don’t address pricing, service and positive brand identity, and they don’t look as if they’re going to hack it. But there are unquestionably opportunities for the right player with a brand that dares to speak its name. As we like to say, if John Lewis did funerals…

The days of the independents just have to be numbered, don’t they? Come on, look at your high street and go figure. 

Or do they? 

Consider the work of the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA). Among its many successes it lists these: 

  • Created a rich and varied choice of real ale – In the 1970’s CAMRA successfully fought the efforts of the big brewers to replace traditional ales with tasteless keg beers. Since seeing off the likes of Watneys Red, Tavern Keg and Double Diamond the campaigning efforts of CAMRA has seen the creation of hundreds of new breweries producing a wonderful array of real ales. 
  • Smashed the Big brewers stranglehold on UK pubs – In the 1970s and 1980s the Big Six brewers, Allied, Bass, Courage, Scottish & Newcastle, Watneys and Whitbread monopolised regions of the country. CAMRA lobbied against this lack of choice in Britain’s pubs and gradually eroded these regional monopolies. 
  • Number of Breweries increased Fourfold – Since CAMRA was founded the number of breweries operating in the UK has grown fourfold to over 840 breweries. Without CAMRA’s presence it is doubtful whether real ale would be as widespread as it is today. 

 

CAMRA is not an industry body, it is an alliance of consumers: CAMRA, the Campaign for Real Ale is an independent, voluntary organisation campaigning for real ale, community pubs and consumer rights.
 
Much the same as the Good Funeral Guide. And the Natural Death Centre. 
 
The funeral industry is unaccustomed to consumer scrutiny, doesn’t much like it and tends either to keep schtum or react with angry insecurity when challenged and questioned. This is in stark contrast to all those bereaved people who phone and email to thank us for being there for them. 

 

We believe that independent funeral directors, if they are to survive as a collection of characterful and excellent businesses offering richness of choice,  would do well to reflect that their survival, by no means assured, is likely, if it happens, to owe a debt, perhaps a very great debt, to consumer-focussed communities like the GFG and the Natural Death Centre. To them we say: join in the debate. We learn from each other. We want the same thing. Let’s find common ground. 

 

CAMRA website here.
 
Sorry, no link to the Golden Charter newsletter available. 

 

Picturing Hell – in Lego bricks

Posted by Vale

We all wonder about what might happen to us when we die. Well, Dante had the lowdown. While the rest of us wander lost in the woods, he described Hell, Purgatory and Heaven in great detail.

The funny thing is that while we might hope for heaven, we all have the sneaking suspicion that Hell might be more interesting. Dante certainly did and you can now enjoy his vision of Hell without reading his book because talented sculptor Mihai Mihu has now rendered all nine levels of the infernal regions in Lego.

The full set can be found here or here.

Muriel’s ashes

It was the Jubilee weekend and a year since we had all gathered around Muriel’s hospital bed as she told the Doctors that she wanted no more treatment, no interventions, no resuscitation. She told us she had had a wonderful life, she was ready to go, that she wanted to be cremated and she wanted her ashes to be scattered in an open, high place.  This is the place we chose.

Those of  her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren who were able to be there, each took a handful of her ashes and threw them to the wind. Little children keen to ‘have a turn’, adults laughing and crying all at the same time.

I took pictures for those who couldn’t be there – and when we looked at them afterwards we were amazed to see this one – looking like a proud lion above the clouds! Reminding us of her strength and courage in her living and in her dying. A lady who, in her youth had played bridge with the Shah of Persia, raised seven children and been the proudest Nana and Little Nana to so many more.

Into the freedom of wind and sunshine
We let you go
Into the dance of the stars and the planets
We let you go
Into the wind’s breath and the hands of the star maker
We let you go
We love you, we miss you, we want you to be happy
Go safely, go dancing, go running home.

Posted by Evelyn

RIP Andy

Tomorrow will see the funeral of Andy the police dog, who died on Tuesday in a tragic training accident. It will take place in the gym at the Elementary school in his home town of Vermilion, Ohio.

Andy’s handler, Scott Holmes, said: “He was our only police dog, and he was great. He made a lot of drug arrests and he was a big part of our education. He was very friendly and loved kids. He went to the schools and did demonstrations, and children loved him.”

More than 500 people are expected to attend, including police officers from across the state.

You’d never get a turnout like that in Britain and we’re supposed to be a nation of doglovers. 

Full story here

 

 

Song for a baby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-xmLD85M8o

Evelyn found this – played in memory of a baby

The morning cold and raining,
dark before the dawn could come
How long in twilight waiting
longing for the rising sun
ohoh ohoh Oh ooh

You came like crashing thunder
breaking through these walls of stone
You came with wide eyed wonder
into all this great unknown
ohoh ohoh Ohoooh Oohh

Hush now don’t you be afraid
I promise you I’ll always stay
I’ll never be that far away
I’m right here with you

[Chorus]
You’re so amazing you shine like the stars
You’re so amazing the beauty you are
You came blazing right into my heart
You’re so amazing you are…
You are

You came from heaven shining
Breath of God still flows from fresh on you
The beating heart inside me
Crumbled at this one so new
ohoh ohoh Oooh ooohhh

No matter where or how far you wander
For a thousand years or longer
I will always be there for you
Right here with you

[Chorus]

I hope your tears are few and fast
I hope your dreams come true at last
I hope you find love that goes on and on and on and on and on
I hope you wish on every star
I hope you never fall too far
I hope this world can see how wonderful you are

[Chorus]

You’re so amazing you shine like the stars
You’re so amazing the beauty you are
You came blazing right into my heart
You’re so amazing you are…
You are

What I will and wont miss by Norah Ephron

Posted by Vale

Writer and director Norah Ephron died this week. Called an artist of consolation, she is remembered for comedies like Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally, but also wrote screenplays for the more serious Silkwood, fiction and a huge number of books, articles and blog posts. In I Remember Nothing she left a list of all the things she would and wouldn’t miss:

What I Won’t Miss

Dry skin
Bad dinners like the one we went to last night
E-mail
Technology in general
My closet
Washing my hair
Bras
Funerals
Illness everywhere
Polls that show that 32 percent of the American people believe in creationism
Polls
Fox TV
The collapse of the dollar
Bar mitzvahs
Mammograms
Dead flowers
The sound of the vacuum cleaner
Bills
E-mail. I know I already said it, but I want to emphasize it.
Small print
Panels on Women in Film
Taking off makeup every night

What I Will Miss

My kids
Nick
Spring
Fall
Waffles
The concept of waffles
Bacon
A walk in the park
The idea of a walk in the park
The park
Shakespeare in the Park
The bed
Reading in bed
Fireworks
Laughs
The view out the window
Twinkle lights
Butter
Dinner at home just the two of us
Dinner with friends
Dinner with friends in cities where none of us lives
Paris
Next year in Istanbul
Pride and Prejudice
The Christmas tree
Thanksgiving dinner
One for the table
The dogwood
Taking a bath
Coming over the bridge to Manhattan
Pie

You can find the book here.

The list was found over on Lists of Note