What a rubbish funeral!

Artist Serena Korda collected dust from houses, businesses and institutions, compressing her finds of hair, dead skin and assorted waste products into 500 commemorative bricks. These bricks were displayed as part of the Wellcome Collection’s Dirt: The Filthy Reality of Everyday Life exhibition. Now that the show has reached its end it’s time to dispose of her curious construction. On Sunday, a horse-drawn carriage will transport the cargo to Brunswick Square Gardens for burial with a marching band, performing an original score by Daniel O’ Sullivan, and dancers in tow. It’s a peculiar procession and something you’re unlikely to ever witness again, but it is inspired by historical precedents. In Victorian times a giant ‘dust heap’ was stationed at Gray’s Inn Road and its accumulation of ash, cinders and rubbish was mixed with mud to produce the bricks that built London.

Source: Daily Telegraph

The Last Outfit

Posted by Charles

These last outfits were chosen by some of the 23 people taking part in a photo project initiated by The Straits Times, the leading Singapore daily, in partnership with Lien Foundation, a Singapore philanthropic house. Entitled “The Last Outfit”, the project showcases individuals in the clothes they wish to wear for their own funeral.

The Last Outfit seeks to remove the taboo of death and enthuse people to view life and death differently. 

Full text here.

“You’re born alone, you die alone and in between you cheat yourself out of that realisation as agreeably as you can.” Robert Lenkiewicz

Posted by Rupert Callender of the Green Funeral Company

Claire and I spent the last day of August At Torre Abbey on the seafront at Torquay, seeing an exhibition called Death and the Maiden, featuring the work of the painter Robert Lenkiewicz.

To the uninitiated, Robert was a flamboyant Plymouth based artist, instantly recognisable by his clichéd, spattered smock and leonine mane of hair and beard, a look it has to be said he could carry off well.

 A chronic self-mythologiser and an equally chronic womaniser – Plymouth is populated by swathes of his ethereal, largely unacknowledged children – Robert died in 2002, penniless due to his refusal to ever actually sell any of his work, but somehow managing to accumulate one of the finest if darkest libraries in the world. Whole shelves were devoted to suicide or masturbation, volumes bound with human skin, medieval grimoires, which he obtained through all sorts of nefarious means. Needless to say, death dominated.

He operated from a series of warehouses that he rented for next to nothing, right on the harbour front in the Barbican, the only part of Plymouth to escape the Nazi bombers, and it was here he could reliably be found, bathed in a hanging pool of light with a beauty draped across his lap not quite swathed in scarlet, always seemingly his own muse, the model as mere accessory. Frequently pretentious, endlessly priapic, sometimes fascinating, but often deeply predictable and annoying. An artist in other words. His main talent was for survival through infamy.

Having been raised in what amounted to a hostel for survivors of the holocaust, Robert was always drawn to the disenfranchised, and during the seventies, turned one of the warehouses he rented into a functioning doss house, offering the homeless and mad of Plymouth shelter in return for immortalisation by painting. He formed many deep friendships with these down and outs, mainly men, most of them professional post war gentlemen of the roads, seasonal, travelling alcoholics, not the teenage crack whore runaways that horrify our times. At times there were up to 200 in there. Places of simmering violence and laughter, drink and dance, skilfully lorded over by Lenkiewicz.

 One of these, Edwin Mackenzie, whom Robert christened Diogenes due to finding him living in a concrete pipe at Plymouth dump, became a close friend and he painted him over and over again. When Edwin died in 1984 he bequeathed his body to Robert to do with as he saw fit. He had him thoroughly embalmed in the style of Lenin, and due to some typically slippery evasiveness on his part (when asked by the registrar whether he was due to be buried or cremated, he replied “He is not to be buried”) managed to keep him quietly for a while somewhere in his studio.

 After a month or two, the authorities turned up asking why he had not been cremated. There followed a grand stand off involving the police, public health officials and of course the media, and a lengthy examination of some very interesting and pertinent questions, such as who owns a corpse, is it a ‘thing’ or a ‘possession’, and does a body actually have to be disposed of at all. 

The answer was no, it just has to not cause any health issues, and yes, it is a possession, in this case belonging to Robert. He successfully argued that there are something in the region of 1,500 corpses of varying antiquity exhibited around the UK in various museums; was it the freshness of Edwin that made him a body and not a mummy?  Good questions, art at its best, but it infuriated Plymouth City Council, whose history of dour puritanism had already had to deal with his louche image, not to mention the irritation caused by him faking his own death in 1981, and his highlighting of such uncomfortable civic issues with projects on things such as vagrancy, suicide and death.

Robert stubbornly hung onto Edwin’s body until his own untimely death aged 60 in 2002. It is a small irony that Edwin actually lived 11 years longer than Robert, seemingly on little more than air.

When Robert died in 2002, he had £12 in his possession, and owed his creditors over 2 million. 7 years later, lawyers valued his possessions at just over 7 million.

In the ensuing tidy up, literal and metaphorical, of his affairs, Edwin Mackenzie’s corpse was found in an artist’s drawer, still in remarkably good nick, and it was to see what the receptionist had described as ‘a pickled tramp’ that we had come for, rather than Robert’s somewhat predictable sexual paintings; skeletons humping girls from behind like dogs, bony fingers piercing amniotic bags of life, grinning skulls performing cunnilingus, wombs and breasts and ribcages.

What Robert himself said about Edwin’s body is what has struck anyone who has spent time with one: “ the total presence of the corpse and the total absence of the person,” the reason as undertakers we encourage people to return again and again to the body of those they love, to get it to sink in: they are not there. Somewhere, nowhere, everywhere maybe, but definitely not here.

He saw him as the ultimate memento mori, and now, here in a former monastery on The English Riviera as the rather low key centre piece to the exhibition, was the extremely rare chance to see the old boy. 

He has been dead a while now but the embalming was done thoroughly. He was a small, undernourished withered tramp to begin with; Edwin said his life on the road began at three and a half, but his yellowing, emaciated hairy body still fascinates and provokes awe, even for people like us who spend our days with the dead. 

We don’t embalm. Partly for environmental reasons, though I fear more for the embalmers than the water table, but really for psychological reasons. We think that the natural changes that a body goes through, the drawing back of the features, the sinking eyes, the thinning and discolouration of the fingertips, are things that the family can deal with, and if told honestly about what they are to see it not only fails to horrify, but actually helps. 

People unfurl in the presence of the truth, and the truth of what happens to a body in the liminal time between death and disposal is not always what horror films have led us to believe. It is gentler, perhaps even in Walt Whitman’s words, “and luckier.” Refrigeration between visits is of course essential, but the unstoppable, inevitable series of small changes that accompany most bodies’ early move from life to dead, are slight but profound, and are what can take the living to the brink of the furnace or the grave. It is a chance to say, again and again, “Okay, I get it. They really are gone. Let’s do what needs to be done.” 

So, despite the fact that he was embalmed, Edwin to us was a familiar if exaggerated sight; withered, crackled almost like canvas, each hair standing erect. And as he has now been dead well over twenty years, the absence of the personality was more pronounced than I have ever seen, but the thought that struck me as I gazed at his naked body was how much of his humanity still clung to him in a way which Gunther Von Hagens’s ‘plastinated’ mannequins don’t. 

But why? Both have been chemically preserved in a way I instinctively reject, yet one was filled with a fragile beauty which made me feel part of a bigger picture, and the other made me feel afraid for the road we have taken in the name of infotainment. 

Von Hagens’ plastinated people are undoubtedly educating, titillating and clever too, there of their own free will and most definitely art, but are they still in anyway remotely human? 

Something, perhaps not even in the technique but in the intention, has stripped them of more than their skin. They are Ridley Scott’s replicants awaiting animation, viscera bizarrely frozen in time, whereas Edwin, all creases and stitching and patina, is absolutely human. He is our future, what our outside bodies will look like when what was once within has gone. 

Age continues to wither him, as it should, as it does us all, but he strangely lives on, not posed as an athlete, or jauntily holding his entrails, or stripping off his muscles like body armour, but dead, dignified, still.


Death in the community

 

Beyond the unappetising business of flogging pre-need plans to the tottering classes, undertakers do next to nothing to educate the public about funerals. They seek to be seen as public-spirited. They do good stunts, raise money for the hospice here, the air ambulance there. But how many stage events to raise awareness of the immense emotional and spiritual power of a funeral to transform grief?

Expectations of funerals are so low that most people are just relieved to get the whole horrible business behind them. They are so low that they bitterly resent the cost. So there have to be very sound commercial reasons for all undertakers to get out there and talk up their product.

Two recent events have brought death into the community in original and effective ways. Both were, for the apprehensive, welcoming in their informality; both set out to inform rather than sell.

The first was the Six Feet Under Convention held in Bournemouth on 12-14 August. It was a brave venture, which attracted 20 or so delegates to a series of talks by eminent funeralists and others. Alongside it was an open-air coffin display organised by the Natural Death Centre, complete with a coffin to paint and another to pose dead in. There were sporadic outbreaks of musical performance. It was reckoned to be the first-ever public display of coffins. So wary was Bournemouth Borough Council that it insisted on warning signs. It was notable that some foreign visitors were discombobulated. Brits loved it.

The second was ARKA’s Bringing Death to Life show in Lewes. An atmosphere of cheerful informality was inviting to the casual visitor, and a good number of people in the locality had made a very deliberate bee-line. They weren’t disappointed. There was an afternoon of excellent talks from Cara herself; from Julie Gill, who’ll be running the new ARKA branch in Lewes; from Hermione Elliott, a doula from Living Well Dying Well; and from Peter Murphy of Light on Life Ceremonies. Peter and his wife Belinda have a ceremony shop in Brighton, and work very closely with ARKA. How good to see a funeral director with an understanding of the vital importance of collaborating with ritualists. Cara certainly knows how to surround herself with brilliant people. A highlight of the day was hanging out with Jean Francis, author of the excellent Time to Go.

Sob stories

Posted by Charles

The misery memoir – awful childhood, frightful beatings, Oliver Twist never had it so good, that sort of stuff, ooh – has, it seems run its course. The torment vultures have flown the well-picked corpse and are now feasting on bereavement. 

I’ve been aware of growth of this new genre and largely ignored it, mostly, I expect, because I am not presently freshly bereaved.  I think I feel very much as Bill Morris does in this very good article: “Is it mere voyeurism, or schadenfreude?  Or is something closer to empathy – a way of preparing ourselves for the unthinkable by witnessing the suffering of another?” I think he might have added that it can be very useful to hang out with others who are going through the same as you.  I’ve nothing against the genre in principle.  The biggest sob-buster out there now, in case you’re interested, is Joan Didion’s Year of Magical Thinking.  Everybody wants to be the next Joan Didion. 

Then I read an article about the grief memoir in the Guardian. It’s written by Frances Stonor Saunders. Ever come across her? Let me tell you, she’s seriously brilliant. Here are some of the things she says: 

We know that extreme physical pain drives out language,” Julian Barnes writes in Nothing to be Frightened Of, but “it’s dispiriting to learn that mental pain does the same.”  … If grief drives out language, how can language be pressed into its service? How can the writer orient disorientation?  

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, founder of the modern grief movement (she gave us the “Five Stages of Grief” theory), insisted that “Telling your story often and in detail is primal to the grieving process. You must get it out. Grief must be witnessed to be healed.” This instruction comes straight out of the principle of catharsis, but there is little evidence to support its efficacy over other, possibly more reticent, ways of grieving. Barnes calls it the “therapeuto-autobiographical fallacy” – writing doesn’t help, he testifies gloomily, your suffering is not alleviated. 

Saunders surveys the field with a scholarly, wry eye. You have read it all. 

She also bequeaths us an excellent anecdote. Kerry Packer, recovering from a near-fatal heart attack, whispered to his sons: “I’ve been to the other side, and there’s fuck all there.” 

Read the entire Saunders article here

Live burial – can you help?

Posted by Charles

Once in a while we get a really interesting email here at the sweatshop we call GFG Central. The toiling minions are, as I write, clustering round the screen of the recipient. I’ll have to whip them back to their desks in a moment.

The point is, it’s not for them. It’s for you. Can you help?

I have been asked to coordinate a live burial ritual on Sat 24th September, and the venue we were going to use has fallen through. So I’m looking for a London location where we can carry this out.

Ideally we’d like to stage this in a house with a garden. It needs to be somewhere where it’s OK for about 30 people to be in the house all night, partying some. (I don’t think it’ll be wild, but 30 people do make some noise.) We have a small budget to pay for the right venue.

The ritual itself involves digging a shallow grave, putting the person in it, burying her (only shallow though, for safety reasons) and then tending her while her friends mourn her for the night. The wake will have the flavour of a party.

In the morning she will be ‘resurrected’ and carried through to a bath, where she will be lovingly washed and cleansed.

I’m wondering if you might know someone who would be able / willing to host this at their place? 

If you can, send us an email and we’ll pass it on to the event organiser: charles@goodfuneralguide.co.uk

For those of you with long memories, this is not the first time that the minions have been excited by this sort of proposal. remember this?

https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/2010/10/going-down/

It was a full week before I had any decent work from them.

Home Death by Nell Dunn

Posted by Pippa Wilcox

I wish I could tell you that the real-life stories portrayed in Nell Dunn’s play Home Death are over-dramatised.  But they aren’t.  

It seems to be a terrifyingly random lottery out there in terms of whether or not you will stumble across the sort of care package which will result in a ‘good’ death at home – which is the aim of each of the characters we are introduced to in this beautiful, moving, unflinchingly honest 90-minute piece.  

Such a thing as a good death does exist and when someone dies, if they and the people who love them believe it to be as positive an experience as is possible in the circumstances, the difference it makes is profound.

A ‘bad’ death leaves a gnawing, corrosive legacy for those left behind.  A good death results in a sense of pride and — amongst the complexities of grief — a thankful absence of guilt, remorse and torment about the decisions made in the approach to those final breaths.

I know this from speaking with the 200 or so families I’ve worked with in my role as a humanist funeral celebrant.  I’m inspired by hearing about those endings which we would all wish for ourselves and the people we love; and I’m haunted by the ones you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

In Home Death we hear of 7 deaths following cancer and we are spared no detail, no matter how uncomfortable.  We learn of the sense of loneliness and abandonment experienced by the friends and family of the dying; of the steel that appears to have replaced the heart of a doctor attending a dying man; of the desperately chaotic, disorganised and interminable scrabbling around for morphine; of the blood-spattered hospital ward; of the women who might be sent to sit with you in the night and whose only contribution to your well-being is to silently dispense medication and note in a book that they have done so; of the ridiculous insistence that you cannot die in your own home without a “horrible, scary, cold hospital bed.”

We learn that to organise a good death at home for someone we love often requires near-superhuman levels of determination, tenacity, time, energy, courage and an ability to rage against the machine.  And it would seem that above all else, access at the right time to morphine and anti-nausea medication is fundamental and all too often absent.  The NHS does not come off well in this piece.

Nell Dunn, now in her 70’s and renowned for giving a voice to ‘ordinary’ people in her work has assembled this play from her and her lover’s own experience and the experiences of others who had cared for a dying loved one at home. These true stories are told with commitment and integrity by the 11 strong acting ensemble.  There isn’t a weak link amongst them.  The production and performances are pared down, stripped back and utterly convincing.  

It is not wall-to-wall bleakness.  Although it is not so much the more positive stories that you leave the theatre dwelling on, there are some good deaths here as well as some air and light breathed into this piece.  The George and Diana Melly pairing and the trio of Mick, Lisa and Mary in particular provide some welcome laughter and the exchange between Juliet and James lets us off the hook for a while – the other five stories are told directly to the audience.

The Finborough seats might not be the most comfortable but this is one of those venues that makes me feel proud to be a Londoner.  The shamelessly intimate space, the courageous programming choices, the exceptional performing talent which it attracts, the hip and truly sweet theatre and bar staff, the very respectable loos, the (new) air-conditioning, the Firezza pizza which you can have waiting for you when the show’s over and the brilliant array of wines you can order by the glass… what’s not to like?

If you are a stakeholder in palliative care you must see this; if you believe that forewarned is forearmed you must see this. It’s hard to imagine a more effective means of highlighting the issues we all need to be aware of if we, or someone we love, would like to die well at home.

Home Death is currently playing at the Finborough Theatre for only 6 performances over 3 weeks.  Further performances may be added: http://www.finboroughtheatre.co.uk/productions/2011/production-home-death.php

Pippa Wilcox is a humanist celebrant who conducts funerals and memorial services for those who have chosen to live without religion:  http://www.humanistcelebrant.com

Companioning Uncle Bob

Companioning Uncle Bob

I gave myself the job, the privilege it turned out,

of enabling my Uncle Bob

to spend his last few months at home.

Death was not new to me, but dying was.

I was no nurse, just a woman thankful

to this dear old man for giving me family

when I needed it.

He let me be his companion,

but never his slave, most offers of help refused.

With a deep sense of duty

he would wash, shave and dress

his 90 year-old body if it took him three hours to complete.

When his afternoons napped in a sunny chair

he’d be cross if I didn’t keep waking him.

And any suggestion he might stay in his bathrobe,

or maybe even in bed,

was met with perplexed disbelief.

When finally one day he did stay in bed,

the day after he couldn’t believe it

and battled fatigue to return

to his normal regime.

Come five o’clock though,

he wanted to go to his bed,

but no matter how hard he tried

he could not will himself to stand up.

To my relief my strong son came visiting,

scooped him up gently

and carried him off to his bed.

And there he stayed.

Next day as we sat with our cuppas

he suddenly asked would I fight on or give up.

‘If I were in your shoes I’d give up,’ I declared,

quite sure of my answer after watching for weeks.

‘But why?’ he asked.

‘Because life is too much of a struggle,’ I said.

‘It’s true there’s not much pleasure left,’

he said slowly– ‘I enjoy my cup of tea…

How would you give up?’ he then asked.

I would just lie down and wait for death

to come and take me away,’ I replied.

‘Is it comfortable?’ he asked.

‘You mean dying?  Is dying comfortable?  Oh I have no doubt;

in fact I think it’s much better than comfortable.

I think it’s like walking into the sunshine.’

There are things one says sometimes,

with complete conviction,

which simply turn up to be said.

From then on my uncle was mostly asleep.

Next day I sat with him, drinking a cuppa,

and although I looked and looked at his body in the bed

I could not see or feel my Uncle Bob.

That afternoon he took his last good breath,

and as far as I can know,

walked off into the sunshine.

Margie McCallum

To order copies of the CD “When Death Comes Close” please contact Sarah Williams:

email: info@musedaypublications.co.uk phone: 01373 300 433

mobile: 07788 677 608

or ask your local bookshop to order it:  ISBN 978-0-9567149-0-9

 

‘Untimely’ Death

‘Untimely’ Death

Death knocked on my door –

it was a policeman

come looking for the home of a child found unharmed

amid the wreckage of a highway crash.

I heard him say ‘grandparents’

and my mind saw Grandma long since ready for her death

and Granddad who would never cope alone.

That one word gave me just an instant

to relax amid the swirling building comprehension:

it was not my grandparents, but the child’s, whom death had taken.

The child was my first-born,

returning from her first adventure with my parents.

And in that orphaned moment there opened up a gap

that could have swallowed my existence

were it not for also knowing my beloved child lived.

I never understood the peace that followed:

was it knowing that my parents both had lived their best?

Or that some day life would show me

that the timing did make sense?

Or did it come from looking back

on all the strange events that melded up

to keep our daughter safe?

It did not keep the tears at bay

or push me through the grind of daily living,

but there was peace beyond my understanding

that came upon the grubby wings

of death.

Margie McCallum

Margie has recorded a CD of this and 17 other poems under the title When Death Comes Close. It comes with a booklet and is available from Amazon.

I shall reproduce others of Margie’s poems in the coming days.

Too Soon, Autumn

Get back on the trees

you errant leaves!

How dare you fly

across my path so soon?

Forget your cheering colours,

green will do.

My body has not had enough

of summer.

Margie McCallum