Go gentle

Years ago, Charlie, a highly respected orthopedist and a mentor of mine, found a lump in his stomach. He had a surgeon explore the area, and the diagnosis was pancreatic cancer. This surgeon was one of the best in the country … Charlie was uninterested. He went home the next day, closed his practice, and never set foot in a hospital again. He focused on spending time with family and feeling as good as possible. Several months later, he died at home. He got no chemotherapy, radiation, or surgical treatment.

If this is how doctors choose to die, why do they go to such lengths to provide ‘futile care’ for their patients? 

Find out in this fascinating and important article in Zocalo.

Hat-tip to Rupee

Good question, Poppy

In 2010/11, 40,000 women attended NCT antenatal classes. This is on top of regular meetings with midwives and GPs. Mumsnet gets 50 million page views per month. We clearly want information badly.

So why do we prepare ourselves for birth and death so differently?

Read the whole of Poppy Mardall’s article in the Huffington Post here

Well done, Poppy, for getting the message out!

An Experiential Enquiry into Death & Dying

Experiential retreat run by The Sammasati Project: An Experiential Enquiry into Death & Dying — 6-10 March 2013

An intense and tender process, this workshop provides an opportunity to gather the experience, knowledge, and skills needed to prepare for our own dying. Not only will this impact how we face our own death but how we live, post-workshop, too. It allows us to experience some of the many issues which confront a person when they realise that they will soon die such as fear, shock, guilt, grief, anger, regrets, pain, loss of control, completing relationships, changing perceptions, insights, relaxation, spiritual understandings and many more. 

This experiential understanding in turn will help us to be of greater support to others in their dying process whether they are family, friends or in a professional environment if we are in the health or caring sector. It is the first module of the Sammasati Support–Person Training, which can be continued in April at the same venue.

This workshop is in the form of a retreat and will include an exploration of the mystic Osho’s vision of dying consciously and joyfully. We will experiment with a range of meditative methods, and gain an experiential understanding of the transition called dying and the practice of the bardo.

The process can provide a greater appreciation of life, of the profundity of death, and of the pivotal role of meditation throughout.

Doctor and author Michael Murphy suggests, ‘If there is no training, and [support people] have not taken conscious heed of their own loneliness and disconnection, no wonder that there is bluster and fear [about dying]. Since dying involves body, soul, and spirit… lectures or instruction manuals are inadequate since feelings are very much involved. In order to be a truly competent guide, [the support person’s] training needs to be very personal, helping him to imagine his own dying and the dying of those he loves. Only then will he be in a more comfortable position to help others, since he himself will be able to become more a witness and guide…(The Wisdom of Dying: Practices for Living).

Read some testimonials from previous participants of this workshop on http://www.maneeshajames.com/testimonials.htm and watch the video testimonials at http://bit.ly/VENer0

Cost: 
£595 – includes accommodation and food
£545 – early bird price if paid in full before 17 January 2013

Venue: Monkton Wyld Court, Bridport, Dorset DT6 6DQ

Date: 6 March at 18:00 until 10 March at 18:00

The course will be facilitated by Maneesha James and Sudheer Niet who both have extensive experience in facilitating and teaching meditation; relating or ‘being with’ skills; supporting others in the dying process and a background in nursing.

Note that, as for those wishing to participate in the entire Training, an interview with Maneesha is a pre-requisite.

Please see our Training page at www.thesammasatiproject.co.uk for more information and contact details.

Links to the retreat are also: 

https://www.facebook.com/events/569293513086711/ 

http://www.iluna.co.uk/eventdetail/13210/an-experiential-enquiry-into-death-dying.html

 

The unintended consequence of promoting longevity

Michael Wolff describes caring for his eldery, dementing mother in New York magazine. It’s a long piece and it will concentrate your mind. You’ll brood on it.  Warning: once you start, you won’t be able to put it down. 

…what I feel most intensely when I sit by my mother’s bed is a crushing sense of guilt for keeping her alive. Who can accept such suffering—who can so conscientiously facilitate it? 

“Why do we want to cure cancer? Why do we want everybody to stop smoking? For this?” wailed a friend of mine with two long-ailing and yet tenacious in-laws. 

Age is one of the great modern adventures, a technological marvel—we’re given several more youthful-ish decades if we take care of ourselves. Almost nobody, at least openly, sees this for its ultimate, dismaying, unintended consequence: By promoting longevity and technologically inhibiting death, we have created a new biological status held by an ever-growing part of the nation, a no-exit state that persists longer and longer, one that is nearly as remote from life as death, but which, unlike death, requires vast service, indentured servitude really, and resources. 

This is not anomalous; this is the norm. 

The traditional exits, of a sudden heart attack, of dying in one’s sleep, of unreasonably dropping dead in the street, of even a terminal illness, are now exotic ways of going. The longer you live the longer it will take to die. The better you have lived the worse you may die. The healthier you are—through careful diet, diligent exercise, and attentive medical scrutiny—the harder it is to die. Part of the advance in life expectancy is that we have technologically inhibited the ultimate event. We have fought natural causes to almost a draw. If you eliminate smokers, drinkers, other substance abusers, the obese, and the fatally ill, you are left with a rapidly growing demographic segment peculiarly resistant to death’s appointment—though far, far, far from healthy.

Read it all here

End of Life Planning Seminar

We are pleased to advertise this upcoming seminar held by Colin Moore, a good friend of the GFG:

End of Life Planning Seminar 
This seminar shows you how to create different funeral ceremonies through powerpoint and exercises. You will learn about the many funeral choices available and how to discuss these options with families. We also give you the information you need to be able to advise people on how to prepare detailed written instructions about every aspect of a death, including the funeral, all practical arrangements and family matters. Time is spent during the day discussing how to craft a letter which is read and often treasured as a lasting legacy by children, grandchildren and beyond.  The aim of the course is to be able to help people prepare their final arrangements in advance, making it much easier for their families when the time comes to say goodbye. 

Course Details
To be held on Friday 18th January 2013 at The Bridgewater Hotel, 23 Barton Road, Worsley, Manchester M28 2PD between 10.0am and 4.0pm.  Cost per delegate including refreshments and handouts £45.00.

Contact Details

Colin Moore at The Funeral Consultancy, 100 Bull Head Street, Wigston, Leicester LE18 1PB.  Telephone:  0116 2813574 or email admin@thefuneralconsultancy.co.uk

Modern death ‘reverberates like a handclap in an empty auditorium.’

There’s a good death piece over at the New York Times that you might like. It’s by Bess Lovejoy, author of the about-to-be-published Rest in Pieces: The Curious Fates of Famous Corpses. Here are some taster extracts: 

Over the last century, as Europeans and North Americans began sequestering the dying and dead away from everyday life, our society has been pushing death to the margins … The result, as Michael Lesy wrote in his 1987 book “The Forbidden Zone,” is that when death does occur, “it reverberates like a handclap in an empty auditorium.”

The erasure of death also allows us to imagine that our mortal trivialities and anxieties are permanent, while a consistent awareness of death — for those who can stomach it — can help us live in the here and now, and teach us to treasure what we already have. In fact, a study by University of Missouri researchers released this spring found that contemplating mortality can encourage altruism and helpfulness, among other positive traits.

Though there’s no deserved namecheck in what follows for Jon Underwood, Ms Lovejoy observes:

“Death cafes,” in which people come together over tea and cake to discuss mortality, have begun in Britain and are spreading to the United States, alongside other death-themed conferences and festivals (yes, festivals). 

Whoops, Ms Lovejoy omits to namecheck, also, this festival and this festival. You begin to suspect that Britain is at the forefront of something here.  

Ms Lovejoy concludes: 

It’s never easy to confront mortality, but perhaps this year, while distributing the candy and admiring the costumes of the neighborhood kids, it’s worth returning to some of the origins of Halloween by sparing a thought for those who have gone before. As our ancestors knew, it’s possible that being reminded of their deaths will add meaning to our lives.

Find the complete article here

 

Ready, steady, gone.

“Most of us do not want to die in the ICU tethered to tubes — not the quality of life we expect. Yet only 30 percent of us have made arrangements to prevent this from happening. Death and dying is a tough subject for us to broach. Be aware that very few of us will die in our sleep — most have a slow sometimes excruciating decline to death.

“I bet you didn’t know that less than one in seven CPR recipients live to leave the hospital (don’t feel bad, many doctors don’t know this). Other studies show that few elderly patients or patients with cancer live to leave the hospital after CPR. Despite the fact that CPR was developed to resuscitate patients in cardiac arrest, CPR is mandatory to rescue the terminally and critically ill, unless there is an advanced DNR directive. One in five people die in intensive care with the last few months of life being expensive, painful, and futile exercises in medical care.”

Source

Time’s up, take yourself out

A theme that we like to explore on this blog is the way in which longevity has reconfigured the landscape of dying. The blessing of long life has its downside: protracted decline. We are likely to linger longer, much longer, than our forebears. There’s a physical cost in chronic illness and possibly, also, mental enfeeblement. There’s the emotional cost to the elderly and their families. And then there’s the financial cost, which the government has wrestled with and now kicked deftly into the long grass.

In the Sunday Times Minette Marrin wrestled with it, too. I’ll have to quote a lot of it because the ST website is paywalled. She suggests some interesting solutions:

Last Thursday the Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) announced in a chilling report that the escalating costs of an ageing population will mean yet more national austerity. Pointing out that the proportion of people over 65, who now make up 17% of the population, will rise to 26% by 2061, it estimates many increased costs, in care of the elderly, health and pensions, amounting to an added £80 billion a year in today’s money.

In the next 20 years, the number of people over 70 is set to rise by 50%, reaching nearly 10m, according to the Office for National Statistics.

The OBR states that Britain’s public spending will be “clearly unsustainable” over the next 50 years, despite the spending cuts. So, far from care for the elderly rising above today’s inadequate standards, it is almost certain to fall further below them. There’s no money now and in future there’s going to be even less. 

Universal bus passes (which cost £1 billion a year), winter fuel allowances (£2 billion) and free television licences must go. 

Everyone must accept that their savings, including their homes, may have to be spent on paying for care in old age. There’s no universal right to leave one’s property to one’s children.

Taxes of all kinds must rise hugely, or else there will have to be a large hypothecated tax upon people reaching old age. Services to old people must be reduced … Health service care must be rationed for the very old. Palliative care of every kind should be available, but not ambitious treatments.

There should be fewer old people. I’ve often felt the best thing one can do for one’s children is to die before real infirmity sets in. The taboo against deliberately shuffling off this mortal coil, as people did in other cultures in the interests of younger people, is wrong. Most people say they never want to be a burden to others in old age; it would be good if more of us felt able to prove we mean it, by taking a timely and pleasant walk up the snowy mountain. Especially since there’s no money left. [Our bold]

Source

Learning to dance with death

Posted by Vale

I was reading the vision statement for the Dying Matters Coalition recently (as you do) and stubbed my toe on their ambition to address death, dying and bereavement in a way that:

’will involve a fundamental change in society in which dying, death and bereavement will be seen and accepted as the natural part of everybody’s life cycle’

It made me wonder if there are any model societies where – in the terms of the Dying Matters Coalition – they have got it right.

I had the same reaction to those Tory statements about ‘Broken Britain’. I always wanted to ask when they thought it broke and when it was last ‘whole’. (My sneaking suspicion is that it was at about the time that this verse – never sung now – of All Things bright and Beautiful was written: ‘The rich man in his castle/The poor man at his gate/God made them, high or lowly/And ordered their estate’. But that’s a whole other argument).

Has there ever been a society with a truly healthy attitude to death, dying and bereavement? It would be interesting to hear some suggestions: is it Mexico with its Day of the Dead? Or Ghana with its glorious coffins?

My own mind flew back to the middle ages in Europe. It was a culture steeped in death and dying and supported by the consolations of a universal and unchallenged faith, but I am not sure they managed to naturalise death even then. The Danse Macabre – so often a representation of death-in- life – is no celebration of bereavement and dying, it is much more a metaphor for death’s disruptive power and the universality of its challenge.

Nothing, it seems to me, has changed.