Making it personal

Here at the Good Funeral Guide ,we’re very proud of our unique accreditation programme. We look at each funeral business entirely from a consumer point of view. It’s thorough, it’s thoughtful and explores every aspect of what goes into, or what should go into, creating and running a funeral for the person who’s died, and the people around them. 

We only recommend companies that we would have no hesitation in choosing for ourselves, so that the general public can be safe in the knowledge that they are getting the very best of service from a funeral director who is able to respond to their needs and wishes. 

We don’t recommend companies that are run by large corporate interests with their set ‘we don’t think it’s broken so we won’t fix it’ model of working. Recently, one of our directors was reminded of the reason why. 

She found herself working with a branch of one such corporation. This business is seeking to raise its public profile, no doubt due to the fact that it made an estimated loss of £11m in 2023. It has launched an advertising campaign encouraging people to have conversations about what kind of funeral they’d like to have. 

In these adverts we see real people talking to each other about colourful attire, different kinds of hearses, brass bands, sunflowers and exploding one’s cremated remains into the sky.  The adverts advocate that talking about death should be a normal part of life and to make sure that your funeral is not the same as everyone else’s. 

They’ve also made a TV show about celebrities planning the funeral of a fellow, (still alive) celebrity, along the lines of ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’. In the episodes, we see the celebrity deep in conversation with a corporately dressed funeral arranger, where nothing is too much trouble. 

But in truth, this does not translate to the services on the ground. 

For a start, there is no longer a branch on every high street, as one bereaved family discovered when they found themselves ringing round to see which was their nearest branch that wasn’t either already closed down or closing, because the person at the other end in a call centre didn’t know. The family was trying to arrange for the body of their person to be collected. 

The same family then found that this company was unable to facilitate the coffin sitting on trestles next to them during the ceremony, rather than being far away on the catafalque.

Married for 65 years, his widow wanted to be by her husband’s side right until the end. It would have been easy to arrange, it just needed trestles provided and staff available to lift the coffin respectfully onto the catafalque at the end of the ceremony.

But the bearers weren’t able to stay for 30 minutes to make this happen. 

That’s not how it works’  the arranger told the celebrant. 

Can you arrange for the bearers to not have to rush off?’ 

That’s not how it works, and I have no authority to change that. I can ask my manager, but they’ll probably say no’

The solution? For it to either be business as usual or for the coffin to be on an electric wheeled bier during the ceremony and then mechanically hoisted onto the catafalque at the end for the moments of silence.

Funeral operatives may be used to this clinical looking piece of machinery, but the public are not. And let’s face, it they are pretty ugly. 

Can we put a cloth over it?’ 

‘That’s not how it works’. 

It could work, it could be made to work for the bereaved family, as a substitution for the apparently impossible ask of having the coffin placed on trestles, but even this small token effort of trying to make a difficult day a little easier for their client and her family was too much work for the company.

We know that individual branches may be run by kind, helpful, efficient people who go the extra mile. There are some lovely people working for corporate funeral directors. But even the smallest personal touches can’t be guaranteed, especially not with staff shortages and branch closures and plunging company profits. Corners have to be cut, targets met, time management prioritised. 

This is why we only ever recommend independent funeral directors. 

We believe they are far more able to respond to individual needs and wishes, to be flexible and creative and to work with each client to create a funeral that is right for them. Mostly small companies, who can be flexible even on the smallest of detail. And it’s often these small details that are the most important, and the ones that do actually make the funeral unique. 

The sort of funeral directors where nothing being too much trouble really is how it works. 

Priorities?

 

There is much discussion in funeral world about whether funeral directors should be prioritised for vaccination as ‘frontline workers’. Indeed, we have heard that some celebrants are also enquiring as to whether they too should be considered a priority to be vaccinated against the virus which has ravaged our lives for the last year.

For background, the Joint Committee on Vaccination and Immunisation (JCVI) has a very clear list of priorities for vaccination in phase 1, which is currently underway :

  1. residents in a care home for older adults and their carers
  2. all those 80 years of age and over and frontline health and social care workers
  3. all those 75 years of age and over
  4. all those 70 years of age and over and clinically extremely vulnerable individuals
  5. all those 65 years of age and over
  6. all individuals aged 16 years to 64 years with underlying health conditions which put them at higher risk of serious disease and mortality
  7. all those 60 years of age and over
  8. all those 55 years of age and over
  9. all those 50 years of age and over

JCVI does not advise further prioritisation by occupation during the first phase of the programme, noting that, “This prioritisation captures almost all preventable deaths from COVID-19, including those associated with occupational exposure to infection.”

This week, Health Secretary Matt Hancock said that ministers will consider whether key workers such as police, teachers and essential shop staff should be prioritised once the most vulnerable have received the coronavirus vaccine, and Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Dame Cressida Dick has said she is ‘baffled by the government’s decision not to prioritise police offers and is in ongoing discussion with government to try and change their position.

Understandably, people working within the funeral sector are anxious. A petition has been created to ‘Prioritise funeral workers for COVID vaccine’. It’s not specific as to whereabouts funeral workers should come on the list,  asking that ‘parliament ‘recognise that we are frontline workers and we are at risk every time we go to work and put us as a priority to have the vaccine ASAP’.

This has attracted some interest from the media, and one of our Recommended Funeral Directors was contacted this week for comment. We invited her to share her thoughts about vaccine priority on the blog in a guest post. Your comments or thoughts are very welcome.

Guest blog post from Lucy Coulbert, owner of The Individual Funeral Company

“Should funeral directors be prioritised for a Covid vaccine?”

This wasn’t even a question I was asked by a BBC researcher. What they actually asked was “What are your thoughts on the petition to government to have funeral directors vaccinated as key workers.”

I’ll be honest; I really don’t understand why the traditional funeral associations were pushing for funeral directors to be given priority for vaccinations.

Are we at risk? Only to a very small extent. When we go to a hospital mortuary, we follow the government guidance to the letter concerning PPE. The risk to us is extremely low.

This is because the hospital would have tested people for Covid-19 and if they were positive at the time of their death, they are placed in a body bag before we collect them.

We aren’t allowed to enter our local hospital without a mask at all. Before I even get out of my vehicle, my mask is on and so are my gloves.

When we go to a care home or someone’s own home, I completely disregard the government guidance on wearing a “fluid resistant face mask” in favour of an FFP3 mask which is the best grade of mask money can buy.

We wear a full white paper suit which also covers our hair, shoe covers, a long sleeve plastic apron, gloves, FFP3 mask and a face shield. This is above and beyond what the government recommend.

We do this because we treat ourselves as if we have Coronavirus and we want to protect the staff in the care homes & residents along with a person’s family if they died at home.

Guidance for care of the deceased with suspected or confirmed coronavirus (COVID-19) – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

When we go into these settings, including into care homes which have had a Covid outbreak, the exposure we have to Coronavirus is low because we are there for less than 30 minutes unlike doctors and nurses who are exposed for hours on end even with the best masks.

So why should funeral directors essentially be allowed to queue-jump when our risk is low? Honestly, I have absolutely no idea other than it being some kind of vanity or there is some kind of perceived “prestige” in being labelled a key worker.

Neither of those things should mean we get to jump the queue.

Because this is the reality. If we are jumping up the queue to be vaccinated, then other people have to move down.

This isn’t us being vaccinated along side of those who should be. It is us being vaccinated instead of someone else.

At 38 years old and in relatively good health, am I more important to vaccinate than my 90 year old grandmother? Am I more important to vaccinate than a care home staff member or a social worker? Am I more important than a hospital chaplain or my asthmatic next door neighbour? Am I more important than a supermarket worker or hospital porter?

The answer is no. I should be far down the list of people who should be vaccinated.

My GP sent me a text to say if you are a healthcare worker to please call them. I did. I explained I am a funeral director but I also told them I didn’t feel I was in any way a priority.

There have been instances whereby vaccines would go to waste because someone took them out of the freezer too early. I told them if that happened and they didn’t want it to be wasted, to call and I would go but that would be the only way I would attend an appointment without it being my turn.

In March 2020 a week before the government decided to finally introduce a national lockdown, I asked my assistant to work from home. Within 24 hours, she had a brand new laptop delivered to her door.

My other members of staff were given instruction on how to don and doff PPE safely including how to make sure their masks should fit correctly.

They were all asked again if they had any medical conditions I needed to know about and they were all given the option of not working at all.

This was a really frightening time because we really didn’t know enough about what we were being asked to face. I had to ask my staff if they wanted to continue with their duties because given we were facing the unknown, I didn’t want them to feel as though they had to face it with me.

They were all in agreement to keep working and so I set up an A Team and B Team. This was simply so that should any member of the A Team test positive for Coronavirus, I still had a full team of people who could continue on with their duties without there being even the slightest hint of disruption to our clients.

They were all instructed that if they felt ill, even if they didn’t think it could be related to Coronavirus, then they had to tell me immediately and book a test.

While I had an A Team and B Team, I also spoke with other professional work colleagues and made agreements with them that should anything happen to both of my teams of people, would they be prepared to help.

With them on board, that meant I had a core staff of 5 people and then three back-up plans.

So with all of the PPE, teams of staff and two emergency back-up plans, I felt we were ready for anything we had to face.

Nine months on, those plans are still in place and I have gone even further. Only one staff member that I work with regularly is allowed inside my office and only when required.

Our bearers aren’t allowed in my office at all and haven’t been allowed for quite some time.

Since this new lockdown came into force, I was in touch with all of the staff and reminded them that although it feels different this time (much less strict than the first lockdown if the cars and people passing my office are any indication) I need them to remember we are still in the midst of a pandemic and unless they are shopping for food or seeking medical attention, they really need to stay at home.

Now, given I am a small and bespoke company, I don’t really understand why I can put all of these measures in place, prepare my staff and have the best PPE available and other companies can’t.

The only way people contract Coronavirus is by not washing their hands, not wearing a face covering and not social distancing.

There is no other way of contracting it.

Where there are outbreaks of Covid in funeral directors, I have to ask myself how that happened.

Why are their client’s services being interrupted when it is easily avoidable?

The week before I split up my staff last year, we were attending a service at the crematorium. All of my staff, including me, were wearing FFP3 masks and black disposable gloves.

Looked terrible but I had a long conversation with my clients at the time and explained why it was important that we do.

They completely understood and actually thanked us for keeping them in mind and for doing what we could to keep them safe.

While we were waiting for a last family member to arrive, I looked across the car park and there was a funeral director sat in his van filming us. I assume it was so he could show everyone back at the company he worked for what we were doing and how stupid we all were.

Now the crematorium has said no one can enter the chapel without a mask or gloves.

So my point is, if I can have all of this in place and pre-empt what will be required of us next, enough so that it is already second nature already, why can’t everyone else?

With this vaccination queue-jump, it almost feels like companies want the government to solve a problem they created by not putting proper steps in place, possibly not the correct PPE and certainly no emergency planning if their clients are affected.

No person is any more important than the next simply because of the job we do.

I’m afraid the people who decided they would campaign to get funeral directors vaccinated early have really missed the point and I believe they have done it for reasons I can’t fathom.

Any funeral director willing to be vaccinated early rather than wait their turn should ask themselves “Who had to wait so I could have this?”

In the end, this vaccine needs to be getting to the very most vulnerable people in our society. For what it is worth, I would gladly give up my space in that queue for anyone who needs it more than I do rather than playing Funeral Director Hunger Games for a jab.

Coping with a pandemic – a funeral director’s perspective (iii)

The latest in our new series of posts collecting the thoughts and experiences of funeral directors who have worked through the Covid-19 pandemic is from Jo Williamson, founder of Albany Funerals in Kent (top right in the Zoom image below).

“As the government continues to lift the Coronavirus lockdown restrictions this week, now allowing up to 30 people to attend funerals and the reopening of churches for funeral services, it is again time for us funeral directors to reconsider our ways of working, and to readapt once more. Something that we have been doing constantly since mid March.  There is still a lot of fear, tiredness, frustration and anxiety in the air, but we are evolving, and reaching acceptance that this constant state of flux will possibly be the ‘new normal’ at least for the near future.  It has been a strange time. 

Because of our close ties with other progressive funeral directors and the discussions we have regularly on the Good Funeral Guild forum, we had some insight into what was coming back in March. 

Like others, we began to make serious preparations weeks before the government put us into lockdown.  We purchased PPE before the prices went insane and while you could still order full coverings, respirator masks, long gloves etc, and we split the team to work as separately as possible, such an alien concept to us. 

In spite of our relative preparedness, I still see the first two months as dark and frightening times that I will never forget.  The fear of driving through a ghost town to go into people’s homes where someone has just died, weighing up the desire for our own protection and theirs with that of not wanting to alienate grieving families with our CSI or even sci-fi like appearance.  A tricky balance – I just remember constantly apologising.  Funny how now we would not hesitate to wear full PPE even at times of minimum risk, it has become the norm, we all adapt.

Then there was the grappling with what we should and shouldn’t be doing – how far should we be going to help the bereaved say goodbye to their loved ones on their own terms?  We had sleepless nights feeling that we were never doing enough, or maybe too much? The support from other Guild funeral directors was so valuable, we texted, Zoomed and Skyped, sent each other hand creams and encouragements, exchanged ideas.

Although the Coronavirus Bill contained welcome changes in legislation updating the archaic legal and administrative processes for funerals, general government guidelines pertaining to care of the deceased and funerals were confused, unclear and offered little support. 

Could we trust them when the advice was downgraded? Were we putting people and ourselves at unnecessary risk?  Things were constantly changing, we juggled with all of this as the situation evolved, it was obvious that this was a moving target.  It was important that nobody on the team felt pushed into taking risks with their own health to satisfy the requests of those grieving, but on the other hand families were in even more acute pain than usual.  The distress was palpable – the loss was sudden, the goodbyes had not been said in the usual way, grief-stricken families were separated, we couldn’t see them face to face. How can you provide a healthy balance? 

Nevertheless, we did adapt, and so did the families that we worked with, often in the most dire of circumstances.  We have been able to have good and real funerals, in spite of the restrictions. Some people even admitted they loved having something intimate that only close family could attend in a first instance, and not the annoying neighbour or the overbearing aunt.

From the start we were determined to reassure our clients that, contrary to the common belief, you don’t only get one chance to have a ‘funeral’, and that showing up to a crematorium following the death isn’t the ‘be all and end all’ of saying goodbye to someone.  This could be done anywhere, anyhow, and doesn’t take anything away from the love and care you have for that person. 

This was definitely a struggle for the majority, mostly due to the fear of what others would think, because ‘that’s how it’s always been done’ and the need to have something tangibly familiar at a time of great crisis and upheaval.  Some could and others could not adapt to this concept, and it was almost exciting to see people who would normally simply go through the motions of a funeral on automatic pilot now thinking completely outside of the box and finding real comfort in that. I really do feel now that there has been a shift, a deeper understanding and perhaps a desire to update our funeral rites – which I welcome wholeheartedly and hope to encourage further.

An unexpected outcome of the pandemic was the media focus on funerals.  As many of us know, funeral directors are usually the forgotten, the unspoken link to death, operating in the dark, behind the scenes, in secret, slipping into care homes in the middle of the night whilst doors are hurriedly shut, or adorned in Victorian outfits – mostly only alluded to in articles about the rise in funeral costs.

This was a new angle, we became……… interesting!  People were not able to have the funerals they were accustomed to, they wanted information, they wanted our opinion. I gave interviews to the Telegraph, the Independent, the Kent Messenger and featured on an NBC global hangout forum with Michael Jackson’s Rabbi friend and a chap who had arranged a Zoom funeral for his brother who had died of Covid. 

It was sometimes surreal being in the middle of a media storm with everything else going on, but refreshing to talk about our work and passion to a newly engaged audience.  It can only be positive to talk about death and funerals more freely and I hope that this will be a start of a new awareness and shift in our antiquated rites of passage.”

Jo Williamson

Coping with a pandemic – a funeral director’s perspective (ii)

In our new series of posts collecting the thoughts and experiences of funeral directors who have worked through the Covid-19 pandemic, today we hear from James Showers, of Family Tree Funerals in Stroud. 

 

“Thank you for inviting us to share our experience of recent months. 

Family Tree Funerals ran in all directions at once to prepare for the imagined tidal wave of corpses. Staff immediately switched to home-working, leaving just myself in the office. We paid £20+ each for masks that were promised as virus-protection and – arriving a month later – were floppy and ill-fitting. We ransacked every cupboard and drawer for body bags and bought every one we could find. One person was full time sourcing aprons (and got ones that would do well in an abattoir), dust suits from Screwfix, ‘Type 5/6’ body suits, cheaply-made visors, more masks, and boxes of gloves (powdered were all we could find at the time). We bulk-ordered a total of 24 coffins, housed in a domestic garage. We bought a refrigerated trailer and were generously offered space in Michael Gamble’s unit to store it. We imagined double-bagging everything, with gloves in triplicate – and scaring the care home residents by pushing our trolley along the corridors dressed like Ghostbusters. 

When we finally stopped our headlong rush and looked around, all was pretty quiet. And while we were still busy arranging funerals, Covid hardly featured in these early weeks.

So very early on, and to try out ‘the look’, I put on every piece of hazard equipment (including air-defenders and blue plastic shoe covers) and rang the bell of a good friend in Clifton, Bristol, who came out onto her balcony for – eventually – a laugh, but not before frightening the neighbours who thought she was infected. In hindsight, a prank in rather poor taste.

When we began getting ‘Suspected Covid’ cases, we faced a decision about the appropriate – and responsible – levels of protection for ourselves and families. We took a decision to allow visits to the person in their coffin at a two-metre distance and five days after death. We closed off the deceased person’s airways and dressed them in their own clothes while wearing PPE.

We have been conscious of the greatly reduced risk from working with a person who has stopped breathing – and that several days ago – compared to the nurses and doctors bending over a living, breathing person who actually has the virus.

If visiting care homes, we decided we would wear our normal clothes with a mask, visor and double gloves until inside the person’s room when we would put aprons over a hazard suit, block the airways, cover the person’s mouth with a disinfected cloth, and transfer them in a sheet to our stretcher or trolley with a cover as normal – and not in a plastic bag. Back at the parlour we would double-disinfect everything, put the person into their clothes and coffin after five days, then allow visitors @2m.

So far so good. Have we been cavalier? I don’t think so. We have been careful, though it could be argued that we took a slightly greater degree of risk than many funeral directors and observers; we chose this quite consciously after considering the way the virus transfers itself.

We expect another wave. We expect coronavirus to feature for a decade – or until a vaccine has been found to work. But we live in Stroud – a rural town which is not densely populated and has plenty of green space – and it seems we have been very lucky to date. 

We have flinched at comments such as ‘every cloud has a silver lining’, and ‘you must be doing well out of this’, as this is simply not the case. We believe our work to be a ‘community service’, and this is true now more than ever.”

James Showers

Coping with a pandemic – a funeral director’s perspective

The GFG Blog has been unnaturally quiet during the last months. The unfolding catastrophe of the UK’s experience of Covid-19 has rendered us almost completely silent. Whether it is 44,220 as today’s official figures show, or many, many more – over 65,000 as suggested by the Financial Times analysis – the magnitude of the numbers of dead and bereaved is beyond comprehension. Our thoughts and observations will add nothing to the awfulness of our collective experience.

But there are those who do have something to contribute. And we think it is imperative that their words are collected, recorded and shared here as a record of the experiences of those who work with the dead and the bereaved during the global pandemic that we are all living through.

We have invited all of our Recommended Funeral Directors to use this platform to reflect on their work and how they have coped with the abrupt changes to funerals since March.

We hope that many of them will do so. We have committed to making this Blog available to them to share their thoughts whenever they feel ready to do so. Some may not wish to. Others may need time to gather together the right words to express the enormity of the experience. Today, we are proud and humbled to present the first account that has been sent to us.

It is written by David Holmes, of Holmes and Family Funeral Directors, based in the South East of England.

The photo is of Alex and Josh – ‘trying to dress appropriately on day 1’.

“I don’t recall anyone calling it lockdown in the beginning, although it was obvious something was coming. On that first Monday morning, I set off from home as normal, although it didn’t feel anything like normal.   

The ferry I normally use from my home in the Isle of Wight had stopped running, the service was withdrawn.  For the first time in 23 years of commuting, I needed to make my own arrangements.  Thankfully, I have a 21 ft RIB, an inflatable boat, capable of making the crossing even on rough days, and so I used it.  Over that weekend, I heard that the harbours on both sides of the Solent had gone into lockdown too, boat owners were legally prevented from accessing their boat, using it or mooring it elsewhere.   This news greatly stressed me; how could I sit at home idle at a time like this, I emailed the harbour masters, explaining my predicament, ‘I am a key worker; level 2, I need to be at work’ was my plea.   Both Lymington and Yarmouth harbour masters responded quickly, they were wonderfully understanding, in Lymington, they even allocated me their number one mooring space!

The night before that first day at work I barely slept, wondering how we would manage, fearing the unknown.   I knew we had an obligation to the people who had already booked a funeral.  I feared for my staff, the brilliant caring people who are Holmes and Family, would they just resign and run away?   I feared for my eldest daughter, who following an illness, had a lung removed.  I worried about my disabled Mum, who fairly recently suffered a stroke.   Would I get Covid19 and pass it on to them both?  I am almost 60, by far the oldest person at work, I’m a little overweight too, which seems to put me in the at-greater-risk group.

Driving up to work, it was eerily quiet, I have never seen anything like it.  The M3 motorway was virtually empty, except for supermarket lorries.  It only took an hour, and when I arrived, I could tell everyone was feeling as I did, nervous, anxious and fearful for what was to come.  I think we all assumed we’d get it quickly, and then what?  How would we complete the already booked funerals, who would replace each of us as we fell like dominos?  

A team talk seemed essential, we gathered in the kitchen and I told everyone that the merry-go-round of life had stopped, and as funeral directors, we were among the chosen few.  Our duty was to the people who had placed the dead in our care, and to those yet to do so. We had all freely chosen this path, and now we should fulfil our duty, just as those in the NHS and other essential services would do.  I reminded them that what we do is a privilege, to be entrusted with someone’s funeral arrangements is a great privilege.  They responded brilliantly, as I knew they would.  We thought about the practicalities, how we would do our jobs while protecting ourselves and our own families.   Like me, everyone has someone they need to shield, and we’re still doing so, this is nowhere near done yet, nor will it be for some time. 

We ordered coffins, we bought and begged as much PPE as we could find and practiced using it.  We agreed between us that we were only as strong as our weakest link, and so we all washed, cleaned, sanitised and created new routines and still stick to them rigidly.  I have never been prouder of those who work with me, not for me, with me, after all, what use is a one-man undertaker?  It’s a team effort, without the team, I’m no use to anyone. 

Our families, well they’ve been brilliant too, we’ve arranged funerals in a completely new way, we’ve talked, we’ve emailed, skyped and worked closely together but apart to make sure we do the best we can.   

There have been tears, some of the families’ situations have really touched us. The end of a life must be marked in a meaningful way, and in recent months, that’s not always felt possible.   I choked-up when I drove the hearse to the house of parents who had lost their beautiful adult daughter.  There would be just 6 people present, including her partner, parents and brother, not even flowers allowed, which seemed particularly cruel.  On arrival, we turned into the road and saw family, friends and neighbours lining the street, heads bowed, silently paying tribute and supporting the incredibly dignified parents.  As we crept along the road, these people threw dozens of flowers in our path, something I hadn’t witnessed since Princess Diana’s funeral procession.  It really moved me, and it’s happened since, moving me again.  

Many humans have great inner strength, a way of adapting to impossible situations and just dealing with things.  Most of us have found a way to cope and have responded wonderfully well to this dreadful virus but our fight continues.”

David Holmes

Time to think the unthinkable

 

These are unprecedented times. Across the world, the Covid-19 pandemic sweeps everything before it, heralded by fear and confusion at conflicting government advice, with daily updates of the tens of thousands of people who have become ill, and rising numbers of deaths.

 And while much concern is rightly directed towards the wellbeing of the frontline medical staff battling to support and save the lives of people who are most severely ill, those in the funeral sector are waiting for consistent and clear advice about how to deal with people who have died – who may or may not be carrying the virus.

Currently, there are conflicting official documents relating to handling the bodies of people who have died who have been identified as testing positive for Covid-19, which is now a notifiable disease. (Details of the varying official advice as to levels of PPE required are at the end of this post.)

The guidance we shared from Public Health England in our blog post of March 2nd has now completely changed – something which we find inexplicable given the vast increase in numbers of people who have tested positive in the last two weeks, and the steady increase in the number of deaths.

14 days ago, Public Health England recommended full PPE, the use of a body-bag and disinfecting all external surfaces prior to moving the body of someone who has died who had tested positive for Covid-19.

Now, the official advice is now that ‘there is no requirement for a body-bag and viewing, hygienic preparation, post-mortem and embalming are all permitted’.

At the time of writing, Public Health England are prioritising testing and not testing either people who are symptomatic at home, or those related to a person who has tested positive.

It is, therefore, entirely possible that people who have died at home may have contracted Covid-19 prior to death but not been tested for it. Equally, it is entirely possible that funeral staff will come into close contact with bereaved people who may be carrying the virus when making arrangements for or carrying out a funeral. None of us know whether the virus is spreading among people as yet asymptomatic in our communities. Logic indicates that we should therefore assume that it is.

Until such time as there is consistent official advice to the funeral sector, and given the acceptance by the government that there are likely to be significant numbers of people in the community currently carrying the virus, potentially without displaying symptoms, we feel that we should be erring on the side of caution, particularly given the close exposure funeral staff can have to those in their care.

The Good Funeral Guide would therefore like to make the following suggestions to funeral directors and staff.

  • Assume that everyone in your company, all those in your care, all of the clients you are working with and everyone you encounter during daily activities could be carrying the Covid-19 virus. Put in place as many mitigating procedures as you possibly can.
  • Risk assess your daily operations in the light of this fast-developing situation: Have you got adequate handwashing facilities for staff and visitors? What guidance are you giving staff about handwashing throughout the day? Are they following it? Have you got paper towels? How are they being disposed of? Are you ensuring that all surfaces and handles in your premises are disinfected? What about pens? Cups? Kettles? Have you implemented screening questions when taking a first call to ascertain the level of risk to your collection team? Do you have adequate PPE for staff collecting or handling people who have died? How about body bags? Disinfectant? Hand sanitiser? Are any of your staff members in the potentially most vulnerable groups who are likely to be at most risk from contracting the virus? Or do any staff members have vulnerable family members? How are you minimising their exposure to potential infection? Are you minimising physical contact between staff members and between staff and clients? Are you offering clients the opportunity to make funeral arrangements remotely using email and telephone or video calls rather than physical meetings? What about at funerals? Have you advised staff not to shake hands or physically contact mourners? Are all staff members carrying and using hand sanitiser during the course of the day if they are unable to wash their hands? Are you working closely and communicating clearly with your colleagues to ensure everyone is ok, both physically and mentally? What more can you do?
  • Stay as up to date and informed as possible. The situation is changing minute by minute.
  • Connect with other local funeral companies. Louise Winter, of Poetic Endings, one of the GFG Recommended funeral directors, has set up a support network for London based companies to offer support and resources to each other and to enable a co-ordinated and efficient response to any crisis. Do the same in your area.
  • Plan ahead for the possibility that public gatherings may be prohibited. This move could potentially involve gatherings for funerals – either those where there are large numbers of people, or, in the worst-case scenario, completely. Client expectations will need to be managed sensitively and honestly.
  • Consider recommending that clients use their own cars to travel to funerals rather than offering limousines. Requiring a staff member to drive up to six people in close proximity in a limousine could be seen as asking individuals to undertake an unnecessary risk.
  • Stay in contact with your local crematoria and cemeteries. Some crematoria are already putting restrictions in place such as removing hymn books, prohibiting the carrying of coffins on shoulders and not permitting those who are self-isolating to attend funerals.

We will do our best to relay official advice for the funeral sector on this blog as we access it, however for the time being, common sense dictates that we recommend everyone takes the utmost care to minimise their potential exposure to Covid-19. Vulnerable members of our society need the rest of us to take as much care as we can.

NB Until such time as we consider it safe to do so, the GFG will be carrying out all our business remotely. Accreditation visits will be done using video calls rather than in person, and we will not be attending any conferences or mass gatherings for the foreseeable future.

As everyone should be, we are following the official guidance on hand hygiene, and, because we have highly vulnerable close family members, we are avoiding all unnecessary social contact.

Unprecedented, unknown, unknowable – this is our new normal for now.

 

The current official guidance regarding people who have died who tested positive for Covid-19 can be found in various documents – links below.

(It is worth noting that some local coroners are issuing guidance requiring that all those who die in the community MUST be brought into a mortuary in a body bag, regardless of whether or not funeral directors suspect the person has had Coronavirus. We have seen copies of these communications.)

The Health & Safety Executive document ‘Managing infection risks when handling the deceased’ advises that body-bags should be used for transporting people who have died from similar notifiable diseases (SARS & MERS) – see pages 48 & 49.

Public Health England’s ‘Interim guidance for first responders and others in contact with symptomatic people with potential Covid-19’ states that personnel handling bodies of those who have died at home where Covid-19 may be suspected should wear gloves and perform hand hygiene – see section 11.

Their ‘Infection prevention and control guidance for pandemic coronavirus’ document is far, far more proscriptive for those caring for people who are alive, recommending that  droplet precautions should be used for patients known or suspected to be infected with COVID-19 in all healthcare settings, and that ‘In all healthcare settings: A FRSM (fluid resistant surgical mask) must be worn when working in close contact (within 2 metres) of a patient with COVID-19 symptoms.’and that ‘Filtering face piece (class 3) (FFP3) respirators should be worn whenever there is a risk of airborne transmission of pandemic COVID-19 i.e. during aerosol generating procedures (AGPs)’

Recommended Personal Protection Equipment for the care of patients with Covid-19 is shown in the table below (page 24 of Public Health England’s ‘Infection prevention and control guidance for pandemic coronavirus’)

 

Making a choice you never wanted to make – funerals

We are privileged to be able to publish a guest blog from Tracy Douthwaite today.

Tracy works providing training and talks about mental health awareness and wellbeing. Her husband Steve is pictured above, in his garden last summer.

Steve died earlier this year, and Tracy found finding a funeral director a very painful experience. She wrote about it originally on her blog here.

In her e-mail today Tracy comments – ‘I feel passionately that there needs to be huge change with the whole industry and also the way as a society we deal with death and the bereaved.’

Read Tracy’s blog post below. You’ll find it difficult to argue.

What is it about funeral directors that makes them fit into two equally awful categories that means an already overwhelming task feel almost impossible?

When my husband, Steve died this year, I was determined to do a funeral I wanted, nothing too out of the ordinary, although you would have thought I was asking for the earth. Instead of just using the first funeral directors I found, (why are they even called funeral directors the whole thing makes me feel I have gone back to Victorian times.) Anyway, as I was saying I decided to visit a few places to find somewhere that I felt listened to me and I felt comfortable to carry out this important task alongside the family and I. 

The first types of FD are full of sycophantic whispering tones which feel so insincere – you can speak to me like a “normal” person as I am not 5 years old and actually if I was 5 it would still be offensive. Why do they feel you can’t have an adult conversation and mostly they can hardly look at you as if bereavement were catching and to be avoided, surely you are in the wrong job if you feel this is the case?

On one occasion I took my brother with me and the funeral director just completely ignored him, didn’t say hello, shake his hand, look at him, you would think basic social skills were a necessity to do this job. He just whispered “their” way of doing things to me and looked aghast when I suggested anything different. Somehow the fact I wanted less put the price up as it was not in their usual package.

The second group are business minded if you can call it that- full of endless brochures of ridiculously priced coffins and over bearing people who are not listening to a word you say but telling you what you want. E.g what fits with what they offer, they know best as they have been doing it for years and you don’t know what you are talking about. In one place, this time with my Dad we were led past a room full of coffins (could you not have closed the door?) and then left in the sterile, unwelcoming  “Arrangement Room” for ages until a pregnant lady came to talk to us but was more interested in talking about her pregnancy than my wishes- not sure at that point that I wanted to think about new life or her concerns about bending over to hand me a brochure I didn’t want – or am I being harsh?

Not in one of the places I visited was I even offered a tea/coffee, shown any real compassion, or felt welcomed, listened too or valued. If they treated me this way how would they care for my husband if I left him with them? I felt like a commodity and the prices I was quoted were also terrifying. I’m sure most people in that weird dream like, this can’t be happening, vulnerable state just go to the first place and agree with most of what is offered so funeral directors almost feel that they have a captive market.

If more of us found the strength and courage at that most painful of times to say no, to shop around and go where we felt valued and where we felt our departed loved one would be valued than maybe, just maybe things would improve.

Steve, as we all are, was unique and I wanted a funeral in keeping with him as a man and one that would support the families differing needs in saying goodbye. So, this is what I wanted and didn’t want:

  • Motorbike sidecar and hearse- had to be a Triumph, he loved his Triumph bikes.
  • No funeral cars, we would use Taxis instead, less formal and sterile.
  • Double slot at the crematorium so we didn’t feel rushed or part of a procession of funerals (it’s only costs a little bit more, not double the price)
  • Choice of celebrant to conduct the service who would meet with family and take on board our requirements and get a feel for the man
  • Family members to speak at service, not formal eulogy but memories, poems.
  • The coffin to stay in the crematorium as we all left, placing items to go with him and saying our final goodbyes.
  • Able to use own Vessel for ashes after cremation – keeping everything personal

There is nothing that exceptional in our requests but all the little things I feel add up to make it unique. But I was told in some places I would still have to pay for cars I didn’t use, they couldn’t get double slot for a month (although I found out later that was due to them being busy not the crematorium) I checked directly price and availability for bike hearse, they quoted me but said they are usually cheaper via funeral directors. Out of those I tried only one quoted me the same price I had received and all rest much higher, so putting their mark up on it, but none of them wanted me to book it direct- in case something goes wrong!

By this time I was exhausted, frustrated and just angry at the lack of empathy and understanding, I was considering doing everything myself, but in reality I knew it may be too much for me to take on at that point.

I started searching online and found Poppy’s. I emailed my requests as I had run out of energy to speak to people and amazingly, they replied quickly, with a yes, no problem to all my wishes and clear pricing that was affordable. More importantly, even via email I could feel a warmth. Phone calls followed which were just as helpful and understanding, for the first time I felt heard.

When we met in their office, it was a calm environment with sofas, plants and pictures. I was welcomed, given a cup of tea and put at ease immediately. They talked me through want I wanted, what they could do, nothing was too much trouble. They asked me questions, to make sure they had understood everything and gave me opportunities to change my mind. They recommended celebrants based on my needs that I could meet and choose, rather than one assigned to me, I chose Andrew Bone who then came to my home, spent time getting to know the family, understand Steve’s life and crafted a wonderful eulogy.

In the week leading up to the funeral, both Andrew and Poppy’s, called and emailed several times ensuring everything was how I wanted it and checking on all the small details or just asking if there was anything else I wanted.

On the day, the whole service was perfect. I’ve no idea how Andrew got Steve’s character down to a tee but he did. The motorbike and hearse with wild flowers looked stunning- Steve would have loved his final ride (although I’m sure it didn’t go fast enough for him!) Steve’s sons and nephews carried the coffin and because I had so much trust in Poppy’s and Andrew I felt able to share my tribute to Steve, feel completely present for the whole ceremony and do the small things I wanted like place one of his favourite hats on the coffin as I left. The feedback I’ve had from those who attended has been so positive, everyone felt able to remember, celebrate and grieve for Steve in their own way as the whole service felt so supportive and personal.

I feel we must change our relationship with death and the way we say goodbye to those who mean so much to us. In order for this to happen we need people in the industries surrounding this to listen to those who are grieving, adapt and really care- is that too much to ask?

If we have the strength, we also need to share our thoughts and help others in similar situations find their voice and act as agents of change.

Tracy Douthwaite

Connect with me on twitter facebook or Linkedin

 

One of ours

We’re a bit late to the party, as this came out last week, but we were prompted by a comment from a regular reader on another blog post (thanks Andrew!!)

We were delighted to see one of our Recommended Funeral Directors featured in a documentary on ITV. Poppy’s Funerals were described as ‘female-led funeral directors out to buck several trends in male-dominated industry’. 

We like that!

Watch the full clip here.

The NAFD has a new CEO

 

 

 

We were pleased to receive an e-mail recently advising us that the National Association of Funeral Directors has appointed an interim CEO, some four months since the role became vacant.

It’s been quite a while without a steady hand at the NAFD tiller, and taking on the tasks that would normally be the responsibility of the CEO must have been immensely demanding on the current president, Alison Crake, her vice presidents and the officer team. We’re sure that they are all very pleased to have the esteemed Graham Lymn come on board to step into the empty CEO shoes, albeit temporarily.

As part of his role, Mr. Lymn will be assisting the Officer team with recruitment of a permanent incumbent and providing an extensive handover, enabling the new recruit to quickly understand the unique challenges of the funeral industry.’

We presume that this won’t take up all of Mr. Lymn’s time over the next six to nine months, so, from an interested outside observer’s point of view, we’d like to offer some suggestions of other areas that we think would be really productive for him to focus on, to help make the ‘Voice of the Profession’ relevant in today’s rapidly changing world of funerals.

 

  • The All Party Parliamentary Group for Funerals and Bereavement. Open this up to others, not just the NAFD and their paid secretariat, Brevia. In an age when there are so many challenges facing bereaved people and the funeral profession, it is completely wrong that the only group in Parliament discussing these subjects is controlled and dominated by a single organisation, representing the interests of funeral directors. There needs to be collaboration with a wide range of stakeholders to ensure bereaved people are better served.

 

  • The NAFD Code of Practice. Develop a code of practice that truly benefits clients of NAFD members. Areas to cover? A clear stance on price comparison websites, and a definition of a ‘simple funeral’ that all members should be required to offer as a start.

 

  • The NAFD complaints procedure: Give teeth to this for clients who have been poorly served by members. How many companies have had their membership suspended or revoked after serious complaints? If this sanction is not ever applied, then the complaints procedure is pretty pointless.

 

  • Show leadership. Stop sitting on the fence on big issues, whether relating to transparency of ownership, new entrants to the sector (e.g. local authorities and hospices), direct cremation specialists or funeral poverty. Also, members having prices available online – the NAFD stated hope for 70% of NAFD members to have some or all their prices online by 2019 is pitiful, it should be 100%, this year.

 

  • Introduce external expertise on its executive committee to help it develop a conversation with the wider public and understand the world beyond the narrow focus of practicing funeral directors.

 

  • Develop a new vision for the Social Fund Funeral Payment. Repeated statements calling for an increase in the payment may ease the association’s conscience but do nothing to help people struggling to pay for a funeral. A new solution is needed. The NAFD is well-placed to lead on this.

 

  • Look at membership fees. Expecting a self-employed celebrant to pay the same full fees for supplier membership (currently £455 p.a.) as coffin manufacturing companies and large groups of private cemeteries is completely unrealistic. To build a broad supporter base, engaging individuals from all areas involved with provision of funerals, a tiered system of membership fee is long overdue. Alongside this, monitoring the unauthorised use of the NAFD supplier logo by individual members of organisations (who haven’t paid for the membership themselves) would also be welcomed.

 

  • Introduce an assistance fund. A levy on NAFD membership and income from other events such as NFE could pay into an assistance fund for families struggling to meet the cost of paying for a funeral. (This could be administered by a new member of staff, whose salary could be found by ending the payment to Brevia for running the APPG secretariat and opening attendance to other organisations who could contribute towards the funding of the APPG.)

 

  • Create a robust framework that would safeguard the association and its staff and members from falling victim to personal agendas and vested interests. For example, putting a limit on terms for voluntary officers to prevent trenchant points of view dominating the association’s conversations with external parties.

 

 

 

Other funeral ‘homes’ are also available…

Dying Matters, the former NCPC coalition, now under the wings of Hospice UK, sent out an e-mail bulletin this week with an update on this year’s Dying Matters Awareness Week, presumably to most of their 32,000 members.

Top feature in the bulletin was the large Co-op logo and blurb shown above.

The neat hook of offering those hoping to extend their Dying Matters activities throughout the year omits to mention that you can’t apply for a grant from the Co-op’s Local Community Fund if your organisation is run for private profit, nor to pay for general running costs or that successful applicants will receive a share of the funding starting in May 2019, which won’t be much help with your activities this year.

Pop in to see your local Co-op funeral arranger and find out more, and ask about their Start the Conversation campaign, the website for which helpfully leads you to information about Co-operative Funeralcare’s Funeral Plan.

Nice one Co-op marketing team. 

The GFG has long standing views on Co-operative Funeralcare – select it as a category in the search bar on the right and you’ll find 112 other posts, few of them flattering.

We aren’t keen at all on the carefully crafted illusion that your local Co-operative Funeralcare funeral home is part of a virtuous, publicly minded organisation providing working people with a good quality funeral at a fair price.

The TV and radio campaigns to convince Joe Public of this must be costing millions, so we’re mystified why they can’t chuck a few bob at their website and get all their prices online, nor why their much touted Simple Funeral costs £1,995 for their services alone and the day and time is arranged to suit them not you.

Hat tip to Holly Clarke, member of the Good Funeral Guild who brought this to our attention. We missed our copy of the e-mail bulletin, but found it in the spam folder.