Hearses

Peaceful EV feeling

11 June 2013
Charles
7 Comments
Categories: Hearses, National Association of Funeral Directors

Was there anything we missed? We spent three days at the National Funeral Exhibition, most of it talking, very often to people with whom we have had a virtual relationship for years. It’s a weird thing about the world today that you can get to know someone very well indeed — without ever having met them in the flesh. The worst thing about meeting them all at once is that your brain eventually turns to mush and you start talking gibberish. By heck it was marvellous fun, though. As Kitty says, it’s all about the people, innit? Funeral people, the nice ones, are right up there with the best of them. 

So was there anything we missed? Most of the stuff looked like the stuff that’s always there but, as I say, we didn’t get to see it all. Anything groundbreaking? There was a franchising business that caught our eye. We grabbed the flyer and said we’d ring. There’s always been talk of franchising in the funeral industry, but we’ve never yet seen it happen. 

What was the highlight (apart from the free almond croissants at the NAFD stand)? For us it had to be the Brahms electric hearse, pictured rather poorly above. 

We first met Steve Cousins, its progenitor, two years ago at the Arbory Trust natural burial ground in Cambridge. Lovely man. He’d brought his prototype. It didn’t get, as they say, off the ground. Must have been an expensive failure, that. We’ve often thought of him since, wishing him well, wondering what he was up to. 

And the answer is that he was plugging away in the brave and determined manner characteristic of all inventive people. We think he’s come up with something really special. 

The cost is around £38,000. Three quid’s worth of leccy overnight gives you 120 miles of motoring. It’s a customised Nissan Leaf, and it’s a very nice, classy makeover — seriously chic and stylish. It’s wee compared with the standard steroidal hearse and, actually, that’s part of its charm. You can’t get get your bearers in, though. We can see a lot of middle class chattering types like us really going for it. 

Leverton’s have bought the first (it’s already LEV-ed up and raring to go). Very astute move, in our opinion. And, what’s more, here’s a vehicle ideally suited to London’s roads where traffic runs at an average of 10 mph, the same as it was in Samuel Pepys’ day. 

So there you have it. Best In Show 2013: the Brahms electric hearse. Winner by a mile. 

What was yours? 

Our thanks to the exhibition organisers, the NAFD, and David Hyde, for inviting us We hope we behaved. 

ED’S NOTE: EV = electric vehicle. Clue to the title here. 

What’s in a hearse?

10 May 2013
Charles
15 Comments
Categories: funeral directors, Hearses

All cats famously look the same in the dark. All hearses look the same whatever the light conditions.

What a thing to say!

Undertakers, we know we sometimes get up your noses and you probably think we do it for sport. Mostly we don’t. In the matter of the above outrageous statement, we assure you it’s true. Trust us. We are industry outsiders. We speak for the people. We are the people.

We know what auto-lust consumes you as you finger your Binz catalogues. We know how you bask in the envy of your fellow undertakers. We know you believe your vehicles to be an inextricable constituent of your identity. We see the photos on your websites of your glossy flocks fanned out behind you. You believe they warble siren songs to funeral shoppers. We worry about the repayment charges you have to pass on to said shoppers.

When bereaved people climb aboard, where do you think their thoughts lie? Hmnn? There should your focus be also. So long as it’s big, black and shiny, that’ll do, thanks. 

To be fair, the only way to test this would be to conduct a survey. We haven’t done that. Nor in the interest of market research, have you. Is your case for shelling out all that money as strong as you think it is?

Actually, in the case of AW Lymn, in Nottingham, it may be. Lymn’s has a fleet of Rolls Royces. Rolls Royces are the epitome of stateliness, very distinctive. 

Someone who has done a survey is the blogger at The Other Side of Funerals in Sydney, Australia. Over there, funeral directors go to great lengths to customise their hearses so that they embody their identity:

For example, WNBulls bought their chrome bars (used on the roof and inside the back) from overseas so nobody else in Sydney could possibly have similar bars.  Then when they sold an older hearse they deliberately sold it out of state.  Despite the fact that it was an older design for the company.  Another example is of how Elite Funerals have a patent on the design of the roof for their hearse.  So again, nobody else will have a hearse like it.

The results of the survey make for fascinating and illuminating reading:

Those who never work(ed) in the industry were unable to recognise any hearse correctly.  Yet for those who work(ed) in the industry this category had the highest correct recognition.

We urge you to pop over to The Other Side of Funerals and have a look. It’s as thorough a piece of research as you will ever see, a really excellent piece of work.

There are three posts. Read the first here, the second here and the third here. 

Born on a barge and borne to his final resting place on a barge

21 April 2013
Charles
1 Comment
Categories: funeral, Hearses, Processions

Walter Harrison was born on the coal barge Baron in July 1921. He lived on the canal for 30 years and worked on the waterways for much of his life.

Family and friends of the pensioner, known as Wally, followed the coffin along the towpath.

Full story here. 

Only in…

7 February 2013
Charles
No comments
Categories: Hearses

Continuing today’s hearse theme: 

Parked opposite the biggest state hospital in the region are a few odd-looking, modified vehicles with a prominent stage and a decorative dome above. They are equipped with steps, stretchers and chairs and are marked with philosophical quotes like “towards the creator bidding adieu to creation”.

A player in the funerary business said the idea struck him during one of the funeral services when saw the carriers of a catafalque dropping the dead body over a trivial issue and fought in the street. “The dead should be venerated and the incident pained me a lot. So I designed one of the mortuary vans as a chariot,” he said.

“There is a huge demand for these vehicles, especially in the city outskirts and in the neighbouring villages where people want to make the funerals a grand event.”

“We ensure that the dead body reaches the funeral grounds and don’t bother about the petty quarrels or fights en route. A motorised vehicle is a much better choice than a makeshift catafalque since we don’t abandon the vehicle over petty quarrels which are common during funerals. We are after all involved in the noble service of ferrying the departed,” says the driver of one such chariot.

Answer and full story here. Sorry, no pic available. 

There’s snow stopping him

22 January 2013
Charles
1 Comment
Categories: Hearses

From the Birmingham Mail: 

Motorbike-mad Horace Craythorne was given a high-octane send-off – when he made his last journey in a sidecar hearse.

The old soldier – who died earlier this month aged 97 – beat the snow by travelling to a Midland crematorium in fitting style yesterday, his coffin draped in a Union flag.

The Rev Paul Sinclair, of motorcycle hearse service Motorcycle Funerals, led the service after riding the bike to which the sidecar was attached.

Bizarre Burials tonight Channel 5 @ 10pm

10 January 2013
Charles
13 Comments
Categories: alternative funerals, funeral, Hearses, home funerals

I’ve been sitting on a nice email which arrived a few days ago from Back2Back, a TV production company:

I just wanted to let you know that our documentary is airing on Thursday 10th Jan, at 10pm on Channel 5.

Cripes, that’s tonight already, isn’t it? 

They add: 

Thank you so much for all your help and contribution towards the making of the programme.

By that, they mean lots of chats on the phone. The GFG acknowledges no responsibility for anything you don’t like and max responsibility for anything you do. I seem to remember they were unhappy with the sensational title, Bizarre Burials, and I seem to remember also that their intentions in making the documentary were good. 

Here’s the blurb: 

From themed funerals to death masks and ashes tattooed onto loved ones, discover the variety of strange and sensational ways to make your mark when you die.

Nottingham-based bespoke-coffin specialists Crazy Coffins will take on any request from skips to Rolls Royces, no matter how strange. One client, 78-year-old Malcolm, has commissioned a bright-orange aeroplane coffin as a homage to his favourite football club. He has also written his own crematorium committal song, called ‘Burn me, turn me, roast me tonight’. To his wife’s dismay, he even rehearses his own funeral.

Wendy had other plans when her mother died. After collecting her from the morgue, she took her on a four-day trip around her favourite spots before digging her grave – proof that all you need for a
funeral is a big heart and a shovel.

Death masks are not new, but they are unusual in this day and age. Nick Reynolds has made one for his mum, but he has also had commissions from the rich and famous, including Ken Russell and Malcolm McLaren. Former client Rachel finds her ex-boyfriend’s mask a powerful reminder of her loved one and tearfully reveals that she hides it in her closet.

Another hoping to cash in on the fad for fantastic funerals is self-confessed Delboy Darren Abey. His promotion campaign for his ‘Only Fools and Horses’ hearse stretches from the annual ‘Only Fools’ convention to Peckham, before he realises that life in the funeral trade is tougher than he thought.

Meanwhile, the death of Julie White’s husband has left such a huge hole in her life that she is taking the radical step of having his ashes tattooed as a portrait into her skin. It makes a huge difference that his indelible ‘cremains’ will be with her always.

As these and other peculiar partings reveal, death can be full of black humour as people find their 
own unique ways of meeting their end.

If ten to night is no good for you, you can catch it on Demand 5.

Hat-tip to Jonathan for the memory-prod. 

A camper hearse

16 October 2012
Charles
8 Comments
Categories: Hearses

It was a touching little story and it was all over the papers a week ago: A mechanic appears to have predicted the circumstances surrounding his own death when he died from a heart attack after completing work on converting a VW campervan into a hearse. Mick McDonald, 50, had joked that the job would ‘be the death of him’ but then he became the first person to use it. [Mail]

The owner of the VW campervan, Carl Bell, is now offering his hearse for hire anywhere under the business name of Retro Farewell. His website is still under construction, but you can ring him: 07590908169

First first of the day

4 October 2012
Charles
2 Comments
Categories: Hearses

We stood and whooped and hollered here at the GFG-Batesville Shard when we opened this email from Darren Abey: 

Hi Charles

Only Fools and Hearses have just carried out our first funeral in Berkshire. The family loved the send off , they said it was priceless and would never forget that their father had the best celebration of his life possible. Dell Trotter he may not have been but he was one of life’s characters.  That’s why I built this hearse, it gave everyone a day never to forget.

I am over the moon, its worked, it’s proved we want to celebrate our families’ wishes. As Del Boy said, ‘Never stop believing, Rodders’.

Let’s hope this hearse brings more smiles to the funeral world.

We hope it’s brought a smile to your own Thursday countenance. Well done Darren!!

Did you?

13 September 2012
Charles
25 Comments
Categories: funeral, funeral customs, Hearses, Plan your own funeral, shroud

Did you like it? 

I’d be inclined to give it 10 out of 10. 

Last night’s BBC2 programme Dead Good Job is well worth watching. If you missed it, it covers: 

a Muslim funeral company’s attempts to bury the dead as quickly as possible in accordance with Islamic tradition, a terminally ill mother of two who chooses to plan and arrange her own funeral and a high speed send off for a biker who gets his wish of a final ride in a motorcycle hearse.

Next week, we are delighted to see that they will be following Rachel Wallace, funeral photographer. We’re huge fans of Rachel here at the GFG-Batesville Tower. 

Catch it on the iPlayer here. 

The Grim Biker’s on the telly

5 September 2012
Charles
2 Comments
Categories: Hearses, Religious funerals

When I was asked if I would permit a crew to film a real biker’s funeral, complete with real mourners I was very cautious and indeed dubious to say the least. Funerals are not there to serve as PR opportunities so I was not keen at all, but while I was with the BBC a family happened to visit our workshop and I saw first hand how sensitive and professional the crew were…

Read all of Paul Sinclair’s account of his experience of being filmed by BBC Religion here. The programme’s out on Weds 12 September at 9pm on BBC2. The title is ‘Dead Good Job.’