Coping with a pandemic – a funeral director’s perspective

The GFG Blog has been unnaturally quiet during the last months. The unfolding catastrophe of the UK’s experience of Covid-19 has rendered us almost completely silent. Whether it is 44,220 as today’s official figures show, or many, many more – over 65,000 as suggested by the Financial Times analysis – the magnitude of the numbers of dead and bereaved is beyond comprehension. Our thoughts and observations will add nothing to the awfulness of our collective experience.

But there are those who do have something to contribute. And we think it is imperative that their words are collected, recorded and shared here as a record of the experiences of those who work with the dead and the bereaved during the global pandemic that we are all living through.

We have invited all of our Recommended Funeral Directors to use this platform to reflect on their work and how they have coped with the abrupt changes to funerals since March.

We hope that many of them will do so. We have committed to making this Blog available to them to share their thoughts whenever they feel ready to do so. Some may not wish to. Others may need time to gather together the right words to express the enormity of the experience. Today, we are proud and humbled to present the first account that has been sent to us.

It is written by David Holmes, of Holmes and Family Funeral Directors, based in the South East of England.

The photo is of Alex and Josh – ‘trying to dress appropriately on day 1’.

“I don’t recall anyone calling it lockdown in the beginning, although it was obvious something was coming. On that first Monday morning, I set off from home as normal, although it didn’t feel anything like normal.   

The ferry I normally use from my home in the Isle of Wight had stopped running, the service was withdrawn.  For the first time in 23 years of commuting, I needed to make my own arrangements.  Thankfully, I have a 21 ft RIB, an inflatable boat, capable of making the crossing even on rough days, and so I used it.  Over that weekend, I heard that the harbours on both sides of the Solent had gone into lockdown too, boat owners were legally prevented from accessing their boat, using it or mooring it elsewhere.   This news greatly stressed me; how could I sit at home idle at a time like this, I emailed the harbour masters, explaining my predicament, ‘I am a key worker; level 2, I need to be at work’ was my plea.   Both Lymington and Yarmouth harbour masters responded quickly, they were wonderfully understanding, in Lymington, they even allocated me their number one mooring space!

The night before that first day at work I barely slept, wondering how we would manage, fearing the unknown.   I knew we had an obligation to the people who had already booked a funeral.  I feared for my staff, the brilliant caring people who are Holmes and Family, would they just resign and run away?   I feared for my eldest daughter, who following an illness, had a lung removed.  I worried about my disabled Mum, who fairly recently suffered a stroke.   Would I get Covid19 and pass it on to them both?  I am almost 60, by far the oldest person at work, I’m a little overweight too, which seems to put me in the at-greater-risk group.

Driving up to work, it was eerily quiet, I have never seen anything like it.  The M3 motorway was virtually empty, except for supermarket lorries.  It only took an hour, and when I arrived, I could tell everyone was feeling as I did, nervous, anxious and fearful for what was to come.  I think we all assumed we’d get it quickly, and then what?  How would we complete the already booked funerals, who would replace each of us as we fell like dominos?  

A team talk seemed essential, we gathered in the kitchen and I told everyone that the merry-go-round of life had stopped, and as funeral directors, we were among the chosen few.  Our duty was to the people who had placed the dead in our care, and to those yet to do so. We had all freely chosen this path, and now we should fulfil our duty, just as those in the NHS and other essential services would do.  I reminded them that what we do is a privilege, to be entrusted with someone’s funeral arrangements is a great privilege.  They responded brilliantly, as I knew they would.  We thought about the practicalities, how we would do our jobs while protecting ourselves and our own families.   Like me, everyone has someone they need to shield, and we’re still doing so, this is nowhere near done yet, nor will it be for some time. 

We ordered coffins, we bought and begged as much PPE as we could find and practiced using it.  We agreed between us that we were only as strong as our weakest link, and so we all washed, cleaned, sanitised and created new routines and still stick to them rigidly.  I have never been prouder of those who work with me, not for me, with me, after all, what use is a one-man undertaker?  It’s a team effort, without the team, I’m no use to anyone. 

Our families, well they’ve been brilliant too, we’ve arranged funerals in a completely new way, we’ve talked, we’ve emailed, skyped and worked closely together but apart to make sure we do the best we can.   

There have been tears, some of the families’ situations have really touched us. The end of a life must be marked in a meaningful way, and in recent months, that’s not always felt possible.   I choked-up when I drove the hearse to the house of parents who had lost their beautiful adult daughter.  There would be just 6 people present, including her partner, parents and brother, not even flowers allowed, which seemed particularly cruel.  On arrival, we turned into the road and saw family, friends and neighbours lining the street, heads bowed, silently paying tribute and supporting the incredibly dignified parents.  As we crept along the road, these people threw dozens of flowers in our path, something I hadn’t witnessed since Princess Diana’s funeral procession.  It really moved me, and it’s happened since, moving me again.  

Many humans have great inner strength, a way of adapting to impossible situations and just dealing with things.  Most of us have found a way to cope and have responded wonderfully well to this dreadful virus but our fight continues.”

David Holmes

Finding a way through

Our opinion piece last Friday ignited a debate that has continued throughout the week.

It was picked up by Sky News on Friday evening, then over the weekend, articles appeared in The Telegraph, Newsweek, The Express, The Church Times, and Sputnik News all referencing our blog post, and it was referred to in a letter to The Yorkshire Post.

An article in The Guardian on Saturday by Good Funeral Guild member Rebecca Lee-Wale detailed how difficult the situation is for celebrants, another member of the Guild, funeral director Jenny Uzzell, discussed funerals under the current restrictions on BBC Radio 4 on Sunday morning (around 35 minutes in) and a third Guild member, Lucy Coulbert, spoke on Talk Radio on Monday afternoon about our blog post and her thoughts about it as a funeral director facing this crisis head on.

We have spoken to a number of journalists since last week and been interviewed live on LBC and Radio 5 Live, while in online forums many people have voiced their opinions, both in support of – and strongly against – our suggestion that funerals as they are now are neither safe nor adequate. 

The Jewish Chronicle revealed last weekend that Britain’s Liberal and Reform Jewish Movements had announced no mourners would be permitted at burials- see here, while a number of crematoria around the country have now moved to only accepting bookings for unattended cremations. Bradford, Aberdeen, Yeovil and Leeds have all already suspended ceremonies with mourners attending, while others are set to follow in the coming weeks.

The discussion continues, as more and more people experience just how difficult a socially distanced ceremony actually is. We have heard from numerous people who have found their own personal situation almost impossible to bear, and others who argued compellingly that an unwitnessed burial or cremation would have been even worse for them. There is no easy answer to any of these messages. There is no good solution to what we are facing.

But in response to our request for ideas for how to find ways of commemorating the lives of those who have died without risking the lives and wellbeing of those who survive, we had a message from a celebrant, Helen Wearmouth, who had a ‘somewhat left-field idea’ (her own words).

We invited her to write a guest blog for us. Here it is.

 

Funerals During COVID-19 – A Crazy Idea.

 

In her latest article Fran Hall extended an open invite for solutions to a problem; a problem which concerns more than just our industry. A problem which concerns our entire society:

How do we continue commemorating lives without placing mourners in jeopardy?

My idea is further down. It’s far from conventional, but these are desperate, unconventional times:

  • If you see a problem with my solution, please share it.
  • If you think of a better idea, please share it.

In the article below, I’ve tried to describe:

  • The problems posed by the current situation.
  • The problems other solutions cannot address.
  • My proposed solution.

Why can’t funerals continue as they are?

Before even considering the problem, it’s important to have a grasp on what the problems are. In this case, recent government safeguards implemented to protect us all from coronavirus present problems of their own. Any solution must solve these problems in addition to those caused by the virus.

The problems are:

  • Risk of infection between mourners.
  • Only ‘immediate family’ may attend.

This is vague and open to interpretation. Do unmarried partners count? How about step-siblings and foster children? Who gets to decide?

  • People showing symptoms are excluded.
  • Entire households of those showing symptoms can’t attend.
  • Over 70s will be less able to attend.
  • Those concerned about contracting the virus won’t attend.
  • With good reason, travel (whether essential or otherwise) is discouraged.

Other factors we need to consider.

Religious beliefs:

Here in the UK, land is a valuable commodity. Burials are more expensive than cremations and the remains take up more space. For several years now, this situation has been approaching a crisis point even without this strain of coronavirus as a catalyst.

For followers of the Muslim faith or Judaism, cremation is not an option, and people of these faiths represent a sizeable proportion of our population.

The problems with solutions I’ve heard so far.

So far, I’ve heard two main contenders for a solution to these problems. Both options only offer a partial remedy to each problem, and each creates its own problems:

Solution 1: Memorials at a later date

With this solution, the deceased would be cremated/buried immediately, allowing their service to be held at a later date.

Problem 1: When?

Will the end of this pandemic be easy to define? Pandemics often return in waves.

Problem 2: How many services could there be?

Once the pandemic is over, could we expect an explosion in the number of such services? How many services will people be able to attend?

Problem 3: Why are memorials not our ‘go to’ ceremony already?

Memorials have a great deal going for them. They’re cheaper, you have more time to organise; and can be held anywhere, and at any time.

The big difference between a funeral and a memorial is the presence of the body. Being able to say goodbye to someone you cared about when their body is present means more to many.

Problem 4: Will families be able to afford them?

After what is likely months of financial strain, will families be able to afford a memorial service?

Problem 5: What about prepaid funerals?

Will prepaid funeral contracts cover the change from a funeral to a memorial? If not, will this shake public faith in these investments?      

Solution 2: Internet streaming

 There’s been a great deal of discussion about web-streamed services.

The pros:
  • Allows unlimited virtual-attendees.
  • No-one needs to leave their home.
  • Independent of distance.
Problem:

If the crematorium even has this facility, there are so many ways this could go wrong. This solution relies on the sound working order of:

  • The crematorium internet connection.
  • The webcam(s), sound equipment.
  • Staff with sufficient technical knowledge to ensure the service is streamed.
  • Virtual-attendees having access to a computer.

Here in the UK, 12% of us still don’t.

  • Virtual-attendees having a fast enough connection to stream a service.

The minimum upload speed is about 1.5 mbps.

  • Virtual-attendees having the technical knowledge to ‘tune in’ to the service.

 

My Solution.

The vast majority of mourners arrive by vehicle. My idea is they simply remain in these vehicles. Much like American ‘Drive-In’ movie theatres, we apply the same idea to funerals.

Benefits of this idea.
  • Everyone assembles in the usual location.
  • No obstructions to reverting back to usual services once the pandemic is over.
  • All currently excluded groups (over 70s, non-immediate family and friends, estranged relatives, those showing symptoms); could still attend.
  • The body is present for people to say their goodbyes to.
  • No risk of contamination between cars.
  • Elderly and/or disabled mourners don’t need to walk anywhere.
  • Service could be held regardless of weather.
  • Whole households could attend together.
  • Allows those in the same vehicle the possibility of physical comfort (from members of the same household).
  • It requires little change.

Everything would continue to work in much the conventional way, except mourners would remain in their vehicles throughout the ceremony.

How it could work?
  • The service could be conducted in the crematorium car park.
  • Sound can be delivered via an amp, Bluetooth to mobile phones, or we could use a short-range FM transmitter to transmit to nearby car stereos tuned to a given frequency (the latest method used by drive-in theatres).
 
A request?

I believe this idea, crazy as it may be, offers the potential to address most of the problems we face.

Should you agree or disagree, I ask that you let us know. This problem will soon affect everyone in the UK, and only with our combined knowledge and experience can we can find a solution.

 

Helen Wearmouth

www.helencelebrantne.com

 

Please, stop now

 

Someone needs to say it.

With the heaviest of hearts, today we are going against everything that the Good Funeral Guide has become known for over the years, and calling for funerals to be stopped completely.

Now. Today. Just stop.

The decision to exempt funerals from the current ban on social gatherings was undoubtedly made for compassionate reasons, but the current lack of clear instruction and direction is leading to anguish and suffering beyond imagination.

By allowing funeral ceremonies to continue in some form or other, bereaved people – and all those supporting them – are genuinely risking their health and even their lives by gathering together to try and have a funeral like the ones we are used to, yet in most cases, grieving people are ending up with a funeral that has been pared down to something almost unrecognisable. Almost everything we are familiar with in a funeral ceremony has been stripped away by the attempt to slow the spread of Covid-19. What we are left with is worse than nothing. 

This cannot continue. It’s breaking people’s hearts, hurting family members and friends. It’s confusing everyone. It’s putting lives at risk. It’s making everything impossible for people who are already reeling from shock and grief. Heart-breaking decisions are being asked of people – decisions which are too much to bear. The current situation is not compassionate or kind, it’s devastating and destructive.

We will probably never know the damage that is being done daily to people’s hearts and souls, their emotional and mental wellbeing, their ability to grieve and survive in a newly empty, frightening world. Confusion and uncertainty casts a heavy weight that is doing untold damage to individual people everywhere. Families are being made to choose who can attend and who must stay away. Friends and lifelong companions are being excluded from being present for a ceremony through multiple individual interpretations of the phrase ‘immediate family’. If numbers are drastically limited, someone has to decide who has the most right to be there. It’s unbearable.

Funeral venues and funeral companies are interpreting the new rules in different ways, meaning that, depending on whereabouts you are, you may only be allowed to have 25 – or 20 or 10 or 6 or 4 – people attending a ceremony. Crematorium staff in some places are being required to monitor the numbers of people arriving and restrict entry – one crematorium has stated that the chapel doors will be locked and the police called if more than a certain number of people gather for a funeral. Yet in other crematoria, no restrictions have been imposed. Everywhere is doing things differently.

You may have travelled in a limousine, or the cars you wanted may have been cancelled. You may be asked stay two metres apart outside the chapel while you wait. Or maybe nobody is willing to step in and tell you to stay away from other people gathering there. You may be asked to sit separately inside, or the seating might have been re-arranged to make sure you don’t come into contact with anyone. The coffin may be wheeled into the chapel, not carried. The curtains may have to close around the coffin to prevent anyone from touching the surface. Hymn singing may be discouraged – hymnbooks have been removed from many crematoria. Video-links may or may not work, leaving excluded mourners at home without a connection to those who are attending, unable to see or hear what is happening even remotely. There are licensing issues with music choices being broadcast, even where video links are available. It’s impossible for everyone who is trying to make things work right now.

Funeral ceremonies are where our deepest humanity is called for, to steady and support the faltering broken hearts of people whose worlds have been shattered by the death of a person they love. We show up to be silently present, to demonstrate our love by being there for the final time in the presence of the physical body of the person whose life has ended.

We come together to grieve as a family, a community, a society who stands together to bear witness to the loss of one of our own. We reach out our hands and our arms to comfort and hold each other, we lean on each other for support and safety. We weep together, we rest our heads against familiar loving shoulders and feel the warmth of strong arms holding us upright.

This is what a funeral is.

Now, none of this is possible.

The current confused and confusing situation is dangerous. It’s frightening. It’s unfair on everyone. It has to stop.

If a clear directive came from government that funeral ceremonies must stop now, we are certain that the incredible people who dedicate themselves to supporting bereaved and grieving communities will quickly find new ways of creating ritual and meaning in a safe way. Over the coming weeks we will share thoughts and ideas and ways of commemorating the lives of those who have died without risking the lives and wellbeing of those who survive. We welcome guest posts from anyone who would like us to share their ideas.

But for now, for today, for the foreseeable future, for your sake, for our sake, for the sake of all of us, please, please think the unthinkable.

Unattended burial or cremations are the safest, kindest, simplest way to deal with our dead right now.

Funerals, as we know them, cannot go on.

Dark times

 

Guest post by Jo Williamson from Albany Funerals

BBC Breakfast today (2:22:02)

“I wanted to share this, mainly because it’s the first time I’ve heard or seen anything about funerals on TV since the beginning of the outbreak.

Nothing so far addressing the sheer devastation we face having to explain to recently bereaved people that we can not offer them our usual warmth, our safe and tranquil space to plan something together that would have been exactly what their friend or relative would have loved, the choice of spending time with the person who died at our cosy premises, or the comfort of coming together in sadness and smiles to remember and celebrate their lives. I understand why – it’s too heartbreaking.

However! I wanted to pick up on something the GP says in the clip, about the fact that she understands the dilemma for people with pre-existing medical conditions on whether to attend a funeral because it would be ‘their only chance to say goodbye’… I would like to challenge this!

As funeral directors it has been almost impossible to adapt to this necessary change in the way we do things which goes against every bone in our body – no face to face meetings, social distancing, only 10 people allowed at a service, immediate family only, no contact, no hugs, stripped back ceremonies, unattended cremations and burials.

But we have adapted and so have our amazing customers and this is what I wanted to say – please do not despair. I truly believe that we can still do things properly, we just need to change our perception of what a funeral should be.

Up until now, a funeral was two things together – the laying to rest of the body by cremation or burial, and the memorial aspect – the part where we mourn and come together to honour and celebrate the person, to laugh, to cry, to comfort one another. This virus has forced us to change this but I do believe we can adapt to this situation by understanding that it is maybe not so wrong to separate these two parts. Having had heartbreaking phone conversations with our families about this, their first reaction is total horror, utter devastation and the feeling that they are letting down their loved one in some way. These phone calls have been the most horrific thing we’ve had to do in this job so far. However, and this is really important, talking to them daily, we have realised that actually, in most cases this wears off very quickly.

Actually in most cases there is an element of RELIEF. Relief that at this horrific time of sadness and grief they do not have to rush around organising something they are dreading, that they have a little more time to process what has happened before catapulting themselves into trying, for the most part, to second guess the wishes of that person and make it all happen. The realisation that actually they are probably not in any fit state to even take in the ceremony, remember who was there, what was said, what the flowers or coffin even looked like.

We have been taking to local venues who have wonderful spaces little used during the week that cost less than a crematorium chapel. This is what we need to do, offer the second part of the ‘funeral’ in a few months – each one totally personal, more time, beautiful surroundings. Those families affected will be able to come together in a few months to say goodbye to those they have lost and they may possibly also be a little stronger and more able to cope, finding greater comfort and solace with the passage of time.”

One more thing

 

It feels almost ridiculous to be asking readers of this blog to find the time to read and respond to the second set of working papers from the Competition and Markets Authority at this time of national crisis.

We’re fully aware that all sensible funeral directors are likely to be far too busy making certain that they and their staff are prepared to cope with the impact of Covid-19. (So far, there has been no official advice for the funeral sector other than the information we reported on in this blog post last week, but we understand that those who have been monitoring the situation in other countries are taking far higher level precautions).

We are, however, very conscious of the importance of this second consultation by the CMA, so for anyone who can possibly make time to send their observations to CMA team, we are sharing the questions below.

As with our other recent post on the CMA consultation, you can simply copy and paste the questions and then add your answers

Comments should be sent by email to funerals@cma.gov.uk by 19 March 2020.

The updated overview of key research and analysis can be found here.

Remedy options for regulating the price of funeral director services at the point of need

Working paper can be found here.

Table 1 (shown below) describes some possible elements which could be included in a benchmark package. We consider that these are the most commonly purchased funeral products and services. 

Table 1

Suggested benchmark funeral package for consultation

Collection and transportation of the deceased (no time restrictions)

Storage of the deceased

Care of the deceased

Customer advice and support (may also be referred to as funeral director contact)

Legal and administrative services (including completing required documentation, liaison with third parties such as coroner)

Managing arrangements relating to burial, cremation, cemetery, church, ceremony, officiant

Date and time flexibility for funeral service

Arranging payment of third-party disbursements

Viewing of the deceased (suggested during the hours 8am – 6pm)

Dressing the deceased in their own clothes or gown

Provision of a ‘standard’ coffin

Provision of hearse and personnel

Choice of route for funeral profession (within defined radius)

One limousine

Embalming

We would welcome views on this proposed benchmark package, in particular:

(a)  Are there are any products or services which are not currently included in the suggested benchmark package (Table 1) which should be included? What is the evidence to support this view?

(b)  Are there are any products or services which have been included in the suggested benchmark package (Table 1) which should not be included? What is the evidence to support this view?

(c)  Do you consider that there is evidence to suggest a lower or declining demand for any products or services in the suggested benchmark package, in particular we seek views on the use of limousine/s and embalming?

d)  What is your view on including or excluding time-based restrictions on certain services, for example should collection, transportation of the deceased be available 24 hours a day, seven days a week or should viewing of the deceased at the place of storage/funeral director’s premises be limited to “office hours” such as 8am to 6pm. Also, should there be any restrictions on the route for the funeral procession?

(e)  Are there any funeral director providers for whom the suggested “standard” benchmark funeral package (Table 1) would not be a suitable product/service to offer, for example a funeral director offering highly specialised or unique services?

(f) We are also considering whether an alternative approach, in particular a cap on average revenue per funeral, could be effective in addressing any AECs and customer detriment, whilst also addressing unintended market distortions such as the risk of a focal point for prices. Do you think this could be a better approach for price regulation?

We would welcome views regarding how might the Burial and Cremation (Scotland) Act 2016 interact with any price control regulation implemented by the CMA, or a new regulator and whether the price level of any price- controlled package should be set as one price across the UK.

We would welcome views on the proposals outlined in this working paper and any other comments on the proposed price control remedy. In particular we would welcome comments on the following questions:

Aims and approach of a price control remedy

(a)  Do you agree that the introduction of a price control likely to be an effective solution to remedy any AECs and any resultant, or expected, detrimental effects on customers should they be found in this market investigation?

(b)  Do you agree that the introduction of a price control remedy to be a necessary and proportionate solution (paragraph 19) to remedy any AECs and any resultant, or expected, detrimental effects on customers should they be found in this market investigation?

Price control design considerations

 (c) Do you agree that all funeral directors should be subject to a price control remedy (paragraph 38)?

(d)  Do you think there is a requirement to limit the application of any price control regulation to exempt certain providers and if so, what should the criteria for exemption be (paragraph 39)?

(e)  Do you agree or disagree with the suggestion that a maximum price could be applied to a benchmark package of products and services (paragraph 59)?

(f)  Do you agree with the suggested products and services within the proposed “standard” benchmark funeral package (paragraph 60)?

(g)  Are there any funeral director providers for whom the suggested “standard” benchmark funeral package (paragraph 60(e)) would not be a suitable product/service to offer, for example a funeral director offering highly specialised or unique services?

(h)  Do you consider that there is evidence to suggest a lower or declining demand for any products/services in the suggested benchmark package, in particular we seek views on the use of limousine/s and embalming (paragraph 47)?

(i)  What is your view on including or excluding time-based restrictions on certain services, for example should collection, transportation of the deceased be available 24 hours a day, seven days a week or should viewing of the deceased at the place of storage/funeral director’s premises be limited to “office hours” such as 8am to 6pm. Also, should there be any restrictions on the route for the funeral procession (paragraph 60(d))?

(j)  Do you consider that we should include a requirement for cost reflectivity for all disbursement costs within any price control regulation? If not, are there particular disbursement costs, for example cremation costs, which should be included (paragraph 57)?

(k)  Alternatively, do you think that price control cap on average revenue per funeral, would be as effective in addressing any AECs and customer detriment, whilst also addressing unintended market distortions such as the risk of a focal point for prices (paragraph60(f))?

(l)  Do you think the same approach to the design of a price control is required across the UK, or whether there should be any variation at a regional or devolved nation level (paragraph 69(a))?

(m)  Do you think that one maximum price should be set for a benchmark package across the whole of the UK? Alternatively, what are your views on setting different regional or devolved nation prices (paragraph 69(b))?

(n)  What are your views on the interaction of the Burial and Cremation (Scotland) Act 2016 with the proposal of price regulation in the UK (paragraph 74)?

Implementation, monitoring and enforcement

(o)  What is your assessment of whether the option of setting a maximum price for a benchmark package of products/services (paragraph 60) is capable of effective;

(i) implementation?

(ii) monitoring?

(iii) enforcement?

(p)  Do you think that compliance reporting requirements to the CMA or a regulator, should be the same for all funeral directors (paragraph94(b))?

(q)  Do you have any views or suggestions on designing and implementing an effective communication strategy to ensure that consumers, funeral directors and relevant third parties understand their rights and responsibilities if price regulation is introduced in the funeral industry? In addition, how could we ensure that a benchmark package is sufficiently promoted and visible to consumers (paragraph 94(c))?

(r)  What preparation would be required and how long do you think funeral directors might require in order to prepare for the implementation of any price control regulation?

(s)  What would be the likely costs of implementation, monitoring and enforcement for funeral directors?

(t)  Do you consider an initial duration of five to seven years is an appropriate period for the implementation of a price control remedy and achievement of its aims (paragraph 24)?

(u)  Do you consider there to be other risks or options for mitigation which we have not considered (paragraphs 75-77)?

Please provide any other comments or questions.

 

Remedy options for regulating the price of crematoria services

Working paper can be found here.

We would welcome views on our current thinking that any price regulation in the form of a maximum price would apply to all crematoria operators in the same way.

We welcome views on the approach to defining the scope of products and services included in the benchmark package, in particular:

a)  Are there are any products or services which are not currently included in the suggested benchmark package which should be included? What is the evidence to support this view?

b)  Are there are any products or services which have been included in the suggested benchmark package which should not be included? What is the evidence to support this view?

c)  What is your view on time-based restrictions relating to the benchmark package, for example the length of the chapel slot?

We welcome views on how the maximum price could be determined and reviewed, in particular:

a)  Do you consider that using pricing information from the sector is a sensible approach for designing a price cap for crematoria? Do you think a rate of return approach would be more appropriate in this sector?

b)  Do you have any views on the design variants we have outlined above (for example, whether the price level of any price regulated package should be set as one price across the UK, whether we should make allowances for certain higher cost areas such as London or whether any cost base should be assessed on a crematoria by crematoria basis or otherwise)?

c)  Do you have any suggestions as to the criteria we should use to set the benchmark for the initial level of the price cap?

d)  Do you have any views on how the Burial and Cremation (Scotland) Act 2016 should interact with any price regulation implemented by the CMA, or a new regulator?

We are also interested in responses to the following questions relating to implementation, monitoring and enforcement of the price control:

h) What is your assessment of whether the option of setting a maximum price for a benchmark package of products/services (paragraph 49) is capable of effective;

  • implementation?
  • monitoring?
  • enforcement?

i)  Do you think that compliance reporting requirements to the CMA or a regulator, should be the same for all crematoria?

j)  Do you have any views or suggestions on designing and implementing an effective communication strategy to ensure that consumers, crematoria and relevant third parties understand their rights and responsibilities if price regulation is introduced? In addition, how could we ensure that a benchmark package is sufficiently promoted and visible to consumers (paragraph 105.b)?

k)  What preparation would be required and how long do you think crematoria might require to prepare for the implementation of any price control regulation?

l)  What would be the likely costs of implementation, monitoring and enforcement for crematoria?

m)  Do you consider an initial duration of 5 to 7 years is an appropriate period for the implementation of a price control remedy and achievement of its aims (paragraph 108)?

n)  Do you consider there to be other risks or options for mitigation which we have not considered (paragraphs 83-86)?

Please provide any other comments or questions.

 

Local authority tendering remedy proposal

Working paper can be found here.

We would welcome views on the proposals outlined in this working paper and any other comments on a proposed LA tendering remedy. In particular, we would welcome comments on the following questions.

LA tendering as a remedy option

(a)  To what extent do respondents think that wider introduction of tendered LA low-cost funeral schemes, intended as a response to problems identified on the demand side of the market would be: (a) effective; (b) proportionate. Please answer with respect to each of the implementation options available, that is:

(i)  a CMA Order applicable to all LAs;

(ii)  a CMA recommendation to LAs;

(iii) a CMA recommendation to central government(s) that it/they should create a statutory responsibility on LAs.

(b)  How should the specification of the funeral product to be provided under a LA scheme be determined?

(i)  Should the focus be on delivering a competitive negotiated price for a ‘standard’ funeral package, or addressing funeral poverty through ensuring availability of a low-cost respectful funeral option.

(ii)  How much scope, if any, should there be for variations between LAs?

(c)  What might be potential unintended consequences of wider LA tendering for low cost residents’ funerals?

(d)  What are the current barriers to LAs establishing tendered low cost funeral schemes (eg available resources, other priorities, not regarded as a LA responsibility, etc)? How might they be overcome?

(e)  What are the barriers to funeral director participation in LA tenders for resident schemes? How might they be overcome?

(f)  What are the barriers to take-up of LA resident schemes by bereaved families? How might they be overcome? What types of bereaved people/families would be most likely to use such schemes?

(g)  What impact have existing LA schemes had on wider pricing for funerals in their respective local areas?

(h)  What should be the CMA’s priorities for further analysis or evidence gathering on existing schemes?

LA tendering as basis for price benchmarks

(i) Do respondents think that the outcomes of current and future LA tendering exercises for provision of resident funeral schemes could provide useful data points for benchmarks to feed into price controls?

Other comments

(j) Please provide any other relevant comments or observations on these proposals.

 

Comments please

 

The Competition and Markets Authority’s investigation into the funeral market is steadily progressing, with 22 working papers published since the end of January.

It is clear that the 25-strong team working on the Market Investigation are doing a detailed and thorough job as they forensically analyse the huge amount of information they have obtained and publish their findings.

This is a once in a generation opportunity to re-shape the funeral market, and we strongly recommend that all readers of this blog find the time to share their views with the CMA as the emerging thoughts on potential remedies are published.

The problem is finding the time to do so – it’s dense reading and there are understandably deadlines by which the CMA is asking for responses.

The deadline for comment on the first batch of 13 working papers is this Thursday, 27th February, and to help anyone who feels that they should be offering their views but who just doesn’t have time to read through the almost 600 pages in the first set of working papers, we thought we’d share the most important points on which comment is invited.

Bear with us – this is a long post as we’ve copied and pasted directly from the Quality Regulation Remedies and the Information and Transparency Remedies papers so that readers can access the salient points and questions easily – we recommend reading through these two papers before responding to the questions.

Just copy and paste all the words in italics below and then add your thoughts on each point – once complete, please send to funerals@cma.gov.uk 

This is your opportunity to have your voice heard.

The Quality Regulation Remedies document poses some potential options that the CMA is considering:

Possible quality regulation remedies

(a)  Clear requirements for funeral directors in the form of, for example, statutory minimum standards.

(b)  Effective monitoring and enforcement of standards through, for example, a statutory licensing and inspection regime.

(c)  An appropriate body to monitor and enforce standards.

(d)  The collection and dissemination of information to customers on the quality of services provided by funeral directors.

The paper goes on to explain the reasons for the suggested remedies, and poses a number of questions:

Our initial assessment of the quality of services provided by funeral directors to customers suggests that:

(a)  During the purchase process and delivery of the funeral, customers can observe a range of quality aspects but care of the deceased, which is of considerable importance to customers, is largely unobservable, and customers vary rarely compare quality across providers;

(b)  together, this is likely to weaken the incentive for funeral directors to offer high quality in relation to those services that customers cannot easily observe and assess (ie back of house standards);

(c)  whilst funeral directors may monitor and invest in the quality of some of their services, we have not seen strong evidence of back of house quality responding to customer preferences, or that good quality provision requires high costs and prices; and

(d)  in relation to back of house quality standards, the evidence available suggests that many funeral directors provide an acceptable standard. However, there is a widespread view in the industry that some funeral directors do not.

Remedy selection

Do you agree with our proposal to focus quality regulation on the services provided by funeral directors or do you think we should also regulate the quality of services provided by crematoria operators? Please explain your answer.

Do you agree with our proposal to focus quality regulation on back of house standards? Please explain your answer.

What are your views on the likely effectiveness and proportionality of the remedies outlined in this working paper in addressing our initial concerns?

Are there any other potential remedies that we have not considered in this working paper that may address our initial concerns (as set out in our working paper on the quality of back of house funeral director services)? Please explain what those remedies are and why they would be more effective than, or suitable in addition to, our proposed remedies.

Would a predominantly outcomes-based or a rules-based regulatory model (see paragraphs 39 to 40) be more appropriate for monitoring and upholding the back of house standards of funeral directors? Please explain your answer.

Which of the services provided by funeral directors should be included under the scope of any quality regulatory regime, including statutory minimum standards, and why? We are particularly interested in your views on the regulatory standards set out in Table 1 and the following specific issues:

(a)  Is refrigeration necessary for the appropriate care of the deceased?

 (b)  Is the ratio of one refrigeration space for every 50 deceased persons taken into the care of the funeral director on average per year (as proposed in the draft Code of Practice for Funeral Directors in Scotland) an appropriate ratio? If not, what is?

(c)  Is it appropriate to require that each deceased must be stored individually in separate compartments within the unit (as proposed in the draft Code of Practice for Funeral Directors in Scotland)?

 (d)  Should training and/or education be mandatory? Please explain your answer. In the event that training and/or education was made mandatory, please comment on:

(i) Which members of staff require formal education and to what level (ie A Levels (or equivalent) or a degree or professional qualification) and to what extent can formal education be substituted by experience or other forms of training?

ii) Is it necessary to create a nationally accredited professional education programme or allow funeral directors to choose from the currently available qualifications?

 (iii) Should there be a number of specified hours of training, and any other form of CPD, that staff should be required to complete each year, or should staff or their employers self-assess their professional development needs?

 (iv) Are there any other requirements that should be imposed on staff, owners and controllers of funeral directors to ensure their technical and professional competence (eg age, conduct or experience restrictions)?

 (e) Is there a need to establish an independent ADR scheme and/or complaints adjudicator in addition to the funeral directors’ own complaint handling and customer redress?

Who is best placed to monitor and enforce compliance with quality regulation?

 (a)  Is a single UK-wide body or a different body in each part of the UK more appropriate, and how should either arrangement take account of the emerging regulatory regime in Scotland? Please explain your answer.

 (b)  What role, if any, should the existing trade associations (ie NAFD and SAIF) and other relevant organisations, such as the Good Funeral Guide, play in relation to the quality regulatory regime? Please explain your answer.

Should a licensing and inspection regime (see paragraphs 52 to 73) apply to individuals or businesses or both, and why? If both, what should be the respective obligations of individuals and businesses?

What considerations should be taken into account when designing any quality regulatory regime to enable providers of all sizes to comply with that regime, and without deterring innovation, entry and expansion?

 (a)  What would be the likely costs of quality regulation to funeral directors? This includes the costs of implementing any changes necessary to comply with the regulation and the costs of demonstrating ongoing compliance with the regime.

(b)  What would be the likely costs of implementing and running the regime and how should this be funded?

Are there any elements of quality that require immediate attention prior to the establishment of a quality regulatory regime?

Do you think we should tailor any aspects of quality regulation to reflect any differences in funeral service provision (and the current statutory regimes) across England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland?

What information on the quality of services provided by funeral directors should be collected and disseminated to customers to enable them to assess and compare funeral directors?

 

The Information and Transparency Remedies paper identifies seven possible remedies and poses questions on each of them:

Possible information and transparency remedies

Invitation to comment

Our emerging thinking on remedies is without prejudice to the final outcome of our assessment on whether there are any AECs (adverse effects on competition) in relation to the services provided by funeral directors and crematoria operators and any detrimental effects on customers resulting from those AECs.

We welcome views from parties on the remedies described below, and the relative attractiveness of the different approaches to achieving their aims. We invite parties’ views on the following:

(a)  What are the expected costs to funeral directors and/or crematoria of implementing the remedy and reporting compliance?

(b)  How should compliance with the remedy be demonstrated and how should this be supervised by the relevant bodies?

(c)  Should any remedies be time-limited? If so, why?

(d)  Should we consider a firm size threshold for any of the remedies discussed here? And if so, what should that threshold be, and why?

(e)  Are there any relevant customer benefits in either market that may be lost or reduced by the implementation of these measures and that we should consider as part of our assessment of any remedy package?

(f)  Are there any other remedies that may equally or more effectively improve the availability and transparency of information to consumers?

 

Remedy 1 – Price transparency and comparability

There are several options (or combinations of options) that could achieve the objectives listed above that we think are worth exploring in more detail. We could, for example, require funeral directors and crematoria operators to:

(a)  make their prices available online, over the telephone, or in branch (ie before the arrangement meeting with a potential customer).

(b)  provide prices to potential customers at their first point of contact (whether in branch, over the telephone or online) rather than upon request by the customer.

(c)  adopt the same price reporting template whether they sell directly to customers (whether in branch, over the telephone or online) or through a third-party platform.

(d)  provide disaggregated pricing and service information, such as:

(i)  specific component prices (eg car, collection, transport and storage of the deceased, coffin, embalming, etc) or a package of specific components (eg those components that could be mandatory); and

(ii)  disbursement costs (eg celebrant, flowers, etc), in order to convey typical total costs (even when these disbursements are nil, such as for ministers belonging to the Church of Scotland), including information and general advice on a typical range of disbursements.

(e)  offer the same price across all of their sales channels; and

(f)  facilitating all of the above by, for instance, establishing an independent platform that could allow customers to compare providers and build their own funeral package by selecting individual elements. We discuss this part of the remedy in more detail below.

Invitation to comment on Remedy 1

We invite views on the following questions:

(a)  How can we best facilitate shopping around and increase customer awareness of total funeral costs and local price differentials?

(b)  How can we enable better comparison of funeral directors’ prices and quality of services?

(c)  How can we better prepare the customer for the arrangement meeting and make them aware of all the options offered by the funeral director, including low-cost options?

(d)  How can we give customers a clearer idea of the final cost (early on in the process of choosing a funeral director and before the arrangement meeting)?

(e)  How can we make the platform most useful for customers how can we ensure that it is used by as many customers as possible?

(f)  Should funeral directors and crematoria operators be required to adopt a standardised methodology for presenting pricing and service data as an alternative to the platform?

(g)  Should crematoria availability be incorporated into the platform?

(h)  What will be the likely costs of this remedy?

(i)  Will this remedy give rise to any potential unintended consequences?

  

Remedy 2 – Intermediaries to (more effectively) inform customers of their options and encourage shopping around

The CMA could develop guidance or ask a third party, such as the Care Quality Commission (CQC), to develop guidance to support intermediaries in their discussions with the bereaved about funeral planning. These discussions could take place when an individual enters a care home or hospice, or when death is anticipated or has just occurred. The guidance could include the following information:

(a) Explaining to the bereaved that they can change funeral director after the deceased has been collected from the place of death and that they are not obliged to remain with the funeral director that collected the deceased.

(b)  A checklist of questions that customers may wish to ask the funeral director.

(c)  Funeral directors and crematoria in the local area (and possibly their prices).

(d)  Information on the platform.

Invitation to comment on this remedy

We invite views on the following questions:

(a) Are there intermediaries other than the CQC who provide, or are well placed to provide, information on funeral planning to those close to death or to the bereaved?

(b) Are other ways in which funeral directors and crematoria operators can raise awareness of the platform other than providing information on their websites and promotional material and discussing the platform at the arrangement meeting?

(c) Are there alternatives to raising awareness of the platform to general advertising and the use of intermediaries?

(d) What are the likely costs of this remedy?

(e) Will this remedy give rise to any potential unintended consequences?

 

Remedy 3 – Funeral planning awareness before the point of need

The CMA could recommend to Government to invest in and run media campaigns and produce literature about funeral planning, as well as raising awareness of the platform described under Remedy 1.

The CMA could also recommend that local authorities, specifically those individuals or teams responsible for bereavement services, raise awareness about funeral planning on their website and through wider outreach work in their local areas.

The CMA could also work with the Citizens’ Advice Bureau and other similar organisations to develop information and guidance on funeral planning.

Invitation to comment on this remedy

We invite views on the following questions:

(a)  Are there particular circumstances prior to the point of need at which consumers are likely to be receptive to the idea of preparing for their funeral or that of a loved one?

(b)  What interventions (if any) are likely to encourage funeral planning and how might they be delivered?

(c)  Should this remedy target particular types of consumers?

(d)  What are the likely costs of the remedy?

(e)  Will this remedy give rise to any potential unintended consequences?

 

Remedy 4 – Mandatory ‘reflection period’

We could require funeral directors to allow customers a ‘reflection period’, which could take place either before or after the customer signs the contract with their chosen funeral director. We could also require funeral directors to allow customers to choose a different provider or different services from the same provider at minimal or no additional cost.

Customers do not currently have the same statutory cancellation rights for an ‘on-premises contract’, such as when a contract is concluded in the funeral directors’ office.

The potential ‘reflection’ period remedy could take one of the following forms:

(a)  impose a mandatory pause or ‘reflection’ period between an arrangement meeting on-premises and before signing any contract; or

(b)  have cancellation rights for on-premise contracts in line with the cancellation rights for off-premise and distance contracts described above.

Invitation to comment on this remedy

We invite views on the following questions:

(a)  Is a ‘reflection period’ an effective mechanism for encouraging customers to ensure that they choose a funeral director that best meets their needs?

 (b)  If so, when should this ‘’reflection period take place?

(i)  After getting information on funeral options from a funeral director on its premises and before signing the contract?

(ii)  after signing the contract in an arrangement meeting but having cancellation rights for a certain period of time afterwards? or

(iii)  another suitable time?

(c) What are the likely costs of this remedy?

(d) Will this remedy give rise to any potential unintended consequences?

 

Remedy 5 – Potential cap on the level of charges incurred for the collection, transportation and storage of the deceased

Invitation to comment on this remedy

To reduce this potential barrier to switching, we could set a cap on the level of charges that a funeral director can levy for the collection, transportation and storage of the deceased to recover the costs that the funeral director has incurred prior to the customer switching to an alternative funeral director (or the costs incurred if the customer chooses not to switch). We envisage that such a cap could apply to all funeral directors (and not a subset of funeral directors) to ensure that this possible barrier to switching is addressed across the whole sector.

We invite views on the following questions:

(a)  Will the imposition of a cap on the collection, transportation and storage of the deceased encourage more customers to switch funeral directors after having reflected on their original choice of funeral director?

 (b)  How should the cap be calculated?

(i)  Should the charge for collection and transport reflect the distance covered by the funeral director or represent an average cost?

 (ii)  Should there a daily charge for the storage of the deceased or an average charge for storage, which reflects the average length of time that the deceased is typically stored?

 (c)  Are there other approaches to setting a potential cap on charges levied by funeral directors for the collection, transportation and storage of the deceased (other than cost-based approaches) that the CMA should consider?

(d)  What are the likely costs of this remedy?

(e)  Could this remedy give rise to any unintended consequences?

 

Remedy 6 – Managing conflicts of interest

We could impose prohibition of certain forms of payment, such as:

(a) partnership agreements with hospices or care homes which involve direct referral payments when the hospice or care home facilitates an introduction to a funeral director business; and

(b) commissions to employees for upselling funeral packages

Invitation to comment on this remedy

We invite views on the following questions:

(a)  Are there any other ways to eliminate conflicts of interest that may adversely impact the quality of service provided by funeral director to customers?

(b)  Are there any other types of inducements or payments that should be captured by this remedy?

(c)  What are the likely costs of this remedy?

Remedy 7 – Disclosure of business ownership and other commercial relationships

The CMA could require funeral directors and crematoria operators to disclose their business ownership structure. This remedy could apply to branches that form part of a larger funeral director business, so that customers are aware of whether the funeral director is part of a larger business or is, instead, an independent business. This information could be disclosed on premises and websites and any other promotional material.

The CMA could also require funeral directors and crematoria to inform customers of any changes in ownership, such as when an independent funeral director is acquired by a larger multi-site operator, so that customers are aware of the current ownership structure.

The CMA could also require funeral directors to disclose when they recommend a crematorium that is owned by the same company as the funeral director business, in order to address the presence of vertical integration in the funerals sector.

Invitation to comment on this remedy

We invite views on the following questions:

(a)  What potential harm could the non-disclosure of business interests and other commercial relationship cause customers?

 (b)  What business relationships and other commercial relationships should be disclosed to customers?

(c)  How should such interests and relationship be disclosed to customers?

(d)  What are the likely costs of this remedy?

 (e)  Will this remedy give rise to any potential unintended consequences?

A couple of thoughts

Those additional observations on the FSCSR consultation we mentioned in our previous post this week:

1. At the GFG, while we welcome any improvements in the funeral industry Codes of Practice, we despair at the length of time it has taken NAFD and SAIF to come up with revisions to existing industry codes to make them remotely fit for purpose.

Ten years ago, on 14 June 2010, Charles wrote a blog post ‘Chasing the money’: 

Here’s an excerpt:

“In 2002 Helen Parker, editor of Which, commented: “We want to see all funeral directors in the UK signed up to a standard code of practice. The code should be monitored and enforced by an independent body.” 

In response, Alan Slater, CEO of the NAFD gave this assurance: “We are currently mid-way through the process of improving our code … Once finalised, the new code will be sent to the OFT.” 

The NAFD’s Slater said this in 2002. 

But as of February 2009, the NAFD code of practice has not been approved by OFT. In fact, none of the funeral trades associations’ codes of practice have been approved by OFT. Approval would mean that the codes of practice would be blessed by the Consumer Codes Approval Scheme, offering a much greater degree of assurance to consumers.”

So, in 2002, in response to public criticism, the NAFD showed willing to improve their code of practice. 18 years later, they are still working on it.

NB It’s not clear if the quote from Helen Parker was made before or after the role of Funeral Ombudsman was axed by the funeral trade bodies – that happened in 2002 too.

2. The FSCSR appears to be recommending that the two funeral trade associations should be an integral part of a proposed interim regulator before a statutory body is set up. (Details on page 10 of the FSCSR consultation document. It’s entitled ‘Recommendation that government should work with the industry to establish an interim regulatory body’.)

In brief, having recommended that a regulatory body be appointed to regulate the funeral sector, recognising that there would likely be a significant delay in bringing forward the necessary legislative work, the FSCSR is ‘minded to recommend’ that the two funeral trade associations, NAFD & SAIF work with the Chartered Institute of Trading Standards to create an ‘independent’ interim regulator. Albeit one without a mandatory remit or statutory powers.

Um, that will be a big NO from us.

The role of a trade association is to represent their members’ interests.

We believe that this role is incompatible with the role of a regulator, interim or not. 

And we’re not the only ones. Remember the Funeral Ombudsman, whose role was axed by the funeral industry almost twenty years ago?

The late, highly respected consumer academic lawyer, lecturer and author Professor Geoffrey Woodroffe was appointed Funeral Ombudsman in 1994. His tenure lasted until 2002, during which time there were two critical reports about the funeral industry by the Office of Fair Trading and a third damning report by the Consumers Association.

Let’s hear what Professor Woodroffe thought about the involvement of trade associations:

Ombudsmen are impartial. How on earth can anyone expect regulation processes set up by trade bodies to be impartial and fair? People are extremely vulnerable when they are arranging funerals for relatives or partners. Independent regulation is vital.”

Making a choice you never wanted to make – funerals

We are privileged to be able to publish a guest blog from Tracy Douthwaite today.

Tracy works providing training and talks about mental health awareness and wellbeing. Her husband Steve is pictured above, in his garden last summer.

Steve died earlier this year, and Tracy found finding a funeral director a very painful experience. She wrote about it originally on her blog here.

In her e-mail today Tracy comments – ‘I feel passionately that there needs to be huge change with the whole industry and also the way as a society we deal with death and the bereaved.’

Read Tracy’s blog post below. You’ll find it difficult to argue.

What is it about funeral directors that makes them fit into two equally awful categories that means an already overwhelming task feel almost impossible?

When my husband, Steve died this year, I was determined to do a funeral I wanted, nothing too out of the ordinary, although you would have thought I was asking for the earth. Instead of just using the first funeral directors I found, (why are they even called funeral directors the whole thing makes me feel I have gone back to Victorian times.) Anyway, as I was saying I decided to visit a few places to find somewhere that I felt listened to me and I felt comfortable to carry out this important task alongside the family and I. 

The first types of FD are full of sycophantic whispering tones which feel so insincere – you can speak to me like a “normal” person as I am not 5 years old and actually if I was 5 it would still be offensive. Why do they feel you can’t have an adult conversation and mostly they can hardly look at you as if bereavement were catching and to be avoided, surely you are in the wrong job if you feel this is the case?

On one occasion I took my brother with me and the funeral director just completely ignored him, didn’t say hello, shake his hand, look at him, you would think basic social skills were a necessity to do this job. He just whispered “their” way of doing things to me and looked aghast when I suggested anything different. Somehow the fact I wanted less put the price up as it was not in their usual package.

The second group are business minded if you can call it that- full of endless brochures of ridiculously priced coffins and over bearing people who are not listening to a word you say but telling you what you want. E.g what fits with what they offer, they know best as they have been doing it for years and you don’t know what you are talking about. In one place, this time with my Dad we were led past a room full of coffins (could you not have closed the door?) and then left in the sterile, unwelcoming  “Arrangement Room” for ages until a pregnant lady came to talk to us but was more interested in talking about her pregnancy than my wishes- not sure at that point that I wanted to think about new life or her concerns about bending over to hand me a brochure I didn’t want – or am I being harsh?

Not in one of the places I visited was I even offered a tea/coffee, shown any real compassion, or felt welcomed, listened too or valued. If they treated me this way how would they care for my husband if I left him with them? I felt like a commodity and the prices I was quoted were also terrifying. I’m sure most people in that weird dream like, this can’t be happening, vulnerable state just go to the first place and agree with most of what is offered so funeral directors almost feel that they have a captive market.

If more of us found the strength and courage at that most painful of times to say no, to shop around and go where we felt valued and where we felt our departed loved one would be valued than maybe, just maybe things would improve.

Steve, as we all are, was unique and I wanted a funeral in keeping with him as a man and one that would support the families differing needs in saying goodbye. So, this is what I wanted and didn’t want:

  • Motorbike sidecar and hearse- had to be a Triumph, he loved his Triumph bikes.
  • No funeral cars, we would use Taxis instead, less formal and sterile.
  • Double slot at the crematorium so we didn’t feel rushed or part of a procession of funerals (it’s only costs a little bit more, not double the price)
  • Choice of celebrant to conduct the service who would meet with family and take on board our requirements and get a feel for the man
  • Family members to speak at service, not formal eulogy but memories, poems.
  • The coffin to stay in the crematorium as we all left, placing items to go with him and saying our final goodbyes.
  • Able to use own Vessel for ashes after cremation – keeping everything personal

There is nothing that exceptional in our requests but all the little things I feel add up to make it unique. But I was told in some places I would still have to pay for cars I didn’t use, they couldn’t get double slot for a month (although I found out later that was due to them being busy not the crematorium) I checked directly price and availability for bike hearse, they quoted me but said they are usually cheaper via funeral directors. Out of those I tried only one quoted me the same price I had received and all rest much higher, so putting their mark up on it, but none of them wanted me to book it direct- in case something goes wrong!

By this time I was exhausted, frustrated and just angry at the lack of empathy and understanding, I was considering doing everything myself, but in reality I knew it may be too much for me to take on at that point.

I started searching online and found Poppy’s. I emailed my requests as I had run out of energy to speak to people and amazingly, they replied quickly, with a yes, no problem to all my wishes and clear pricing that was affordable. More importantly, even via email I could feel a warmth. Phone calls followed which were just as helpful and understanding, for the first time I felt heard.

When we met in their office, it was a calm environment with sofas, plants and pictures. I was welcomed, given a cup of tea and put at ease immediately. They talked me through want I wanted, what they could do, nothing was too much trouble. They asked me questions, to make sure they had understood everything and gave me opportunities to change my mind. They recommended celebrants based on my needs that I could meet and choose, rather than one assigned to me, I chose Andrew Bone who then came to my home, spent time getting to know the family, understand Steve’s life and crafted a wonderful eulogy.

In the week leading up to the funeral, both Andrew and Poppy’s, called and emailed several times ensuring everything was how I wanted it and checking on all the small details or just asking if there was anything else I wanted.

On the day, the whole service was perfect. I’ve no idea how Andrew got Steve’s character down to a tee but he did. The motorbike and hearse with wild flowers looked stunning- Steve would have loved his final ride (although I’m sure it didn’t go fast enough for him!) Steve’s sons and nephews carried the coffin and because I had so much trust in Poppy’s and Andrew I felt able to share my tribute to Steve, feel completely present for the whole ceremony and do the small things I wanted like place one of his favourite hats on the coffin as I left. The feedback I’ve had from those who attended has been so positive, everyone felt able to remember, celebrate and grieve for Steve in their own way as the whole service felt so supportive and personal.

I feel we must change our relationship with death and the way we say goodbye to those who mean so much to us. In order for this to happen we need people in the industries surrounding this to listen to those who are grieving, adapt and really care- is that too much to ask?

If we have the strength, we also need to share our thoughts and help others in similar situations find their voice and act as agents of change.

Tracy Douthwaite

Connect with me on twitter facebook or Linkedin

 

Funeral experts by experience

Every now and then the GFG gets an invitation that it can’t turn down.

Being invited to be involved in a research project exploring what matters to people when it comes to funerals was just such an invitation. We were delighted to help in a very small way, and it has been a privilege to be part of the research project advisory committee.

Today, the findings of this extraordinarily important research are published.

We will be proud to be sitting alongside Dr. Julie Rugg and Dr. Sarah Jones when their findings are presented to the ICCM conference this afternoon.

Read the full report here

Global Climate Strike Day

 

The GFG is downing tools today in solidarity with everyone taking part in Global Climate Strike Day.

Young climate strikers are calling on everyone to join massive climate strikes and a week of climate justice actions starting on 20th September.

People all over the world will use their power to call for a halt to ‘business as usual’ and amplify the voices of young people calling for climate justice today and a liveable planet for the future.

Funeralworld, are you doing anything? 

Anything at all??

 

See what’s happening near you by checking the Fridays for Future map

More info about how you can get involved on the global climate strike website and the Campaign against Climate Change website.