Where trust is not enough

The recent news about the police investigations at a funeral directors in Hull should rightly concern all of us.

The care of those who have died is a sacred task, one that is usually entrusted to funeral staff when we employ a funeral director to help with organising a funeral.  

We assume that our relatives will be cared for and respected in death, just as they were in life, so to read that this trust may have been betrayed by someone working in the funeral sector is shocking. 

For the many people who are now anxiously waiting for news from the police, the worry that their relative may not have received that care must be devastating. More than a thousand calls have been received at the dedicated helpline set up by Humberside Police for anyone worried about the situation at Legacy Independent Funeral Directors.

Others may now be wondering about the care that their relative received when they were with a funeral director, an uncertainty that would probably have never arisen if this story were not in the news at the moment. 

We know that the vast majority of funeral directors take their role very seriously and treat the people they are caring for with the utmost respect. However, it is crucial you engage a funeral director that you feel comfortable with and trust, and you have every right to ask questions before committing yourself to employing a particular company.  

All good funeral directors will be more than happy to show prospective clients whereabouts their relative will be cared for, and to answer any questions you might have.

You may need to make an appointment to visit the mortuary, but as the person paying for the services of a funeral director, you have every right to ask to see where your person’s body will be while they are in the care of the company you are considering employing. 

You can also ask to see the company’s cremated remains policy, and to ask to be shown the procedures they have in place to ensure that the correct cremated remains are returned to the client following a cremation. 

All good funeral directors will understand just how worrying the current investigations are and will do their best to reassure you that they have watertight procedures in place, and that they and all their staff follow best practice.

If your request to see the mortuary is refused, or if your insistence on reassurance about procedures is met with resistance, then we would recommend changing funeral directors. 

Remember, you are the client, the person who has died is precious to you, and you have to have complete trust that your person is in safe hands.

If you are considering using a direct cremation company,  then these checks will be more difficult, if not impossible to carry out. This is one of the reasons that we only encourage direct cremation carried out by a funeral director who has premises that you can visit, and people that will sit with you and answer any questions you might have.

Almost every funeral director that is Recommended by the Good Funeral Guide will happily show you their mortuary space. One or two feel strongly that the people they are looking after deserve complete privacy, and therefore access to their cold room is restricted to times when they do not have anyone in their care. They will be completely open with you about this if this is the case.

All our Recommended funeral directors will answer any questions that you might have about their processes, procedures and the way that they look after the people in their care.

The Humberside Police direct line for anyone worried about the situation at Legacy Independent Funeral Directors is 0800 051 4674

Harrison Funeral Home

It’s always sad to hear that an independently owned funeral business has been sold to one of the big three corporate chains.

It’s even more so when the company concerned is one that has been on the Good Funeral Guide ‘Recommended’ list for years.

So when we were told by a third party this weekend that one of the longstanding listed GFG Recommended funeral directors is now under new ownership, we were very sorry indeed.

Undoubtedly, the decision to sell the company he created and built up to four branches in North London was a very difficult one for Mark Catchpole and his wife Julie, and we wish them both well for the future now that the deal has been signed.

Being recommended by the Good Funeral Guide is a privilege earned through a stringent accreditation process. Our criteria are strict. The sale to Funeral Partners means that we are no longer able to recommend Harrison Funeral Home as one of the funeral directors approved by the Good Funeral Guide.

 We have never, nor will ever encourage bereaved people to seek help from a company owned by Dignity, Co-operative Funeralcare or Funeral Partners.

‘Inter mutanda constantia’

Another year older and closer to death..

So that was 2017, over and done with.

It was quite a year in Funeralworld. We lost one of the brightest stars, the founder of the Death Cafe movement, Jon Underwood, who died on 27th June 2017, tragically young at 44. Jon’s legacy is not only his two beautiful children, but the continuing spread of Death Cafes around the world; over 5,600 have been held so far, offering tens of thousands of people the chance to drink tea, eat cake and talk about death.

We saw the appointment in Scotland of the new Inspector of Funerals Directors, Natalie McKail, in a step towards the regulation of the funeral industry north of the border, something we are sure will be watched with interest in England and Wales.

We watched Dignity’s share price tumble by more than 25% over 12 months, opening at the beginning of the year at 2,447 and closing on Friday at 1,820 after CEO Mike McCollum warned of increasing competition eroding their pricing power.

We were informed of the disappearance of the CEO of the National Association of Funeral Directors, Mandie Lavin who is no longer in position – although as yet no explanation has been given to members.

We’ve seen the re-emergence of Howard Hodgson as a player behind the scenes of the Hospice Funerals franchise scheme, something we will continue to monitor and challenge as we go forward into 2018. We will be publishing the results of our survey early next month.

As for the Good Funeral Guide – well, we’re still here, watching and observing, participating in discussions and debates and doing the work that we are dedicated to; supporting, empowering and representing the interests of dying and bereaved people living in the UK.

We have added a further 12 funeral directors and two burial grounds to our recommended lists after they went through our stringent accreditation process, and we have several more companies waiting to be visited in the new year. Membership of the Good Funeral Guild has doubled in 2017, and there is a thriving networking group where thoughts, ideas and best practice are all freely shared.

Funerals are changing, there is no doubt of that, and it is largely thanks to the efforts of dedicated, challenging, committed individuals who are determined to give bereaved families the best possible experience at the worst time in their lives. We are proud to be associated with so many of you, and we will continue to support you as best we can using the platform that we have.

As we head into 2018, we have ideas and plans for new ways to keep the momentum going. We have meetings and collaboration planned with colleagues in the church, in celebrant organisations, with the Natural Death Centre charity and with SAIF, and we’ll be working hard to ensure we all go forward together with the best interests of bereaved families at the heart of all we do. We’re adding more information to our website so people can access free, unbiased and accurate guidance about funerals, and we’ll continue to publish our thoughts and opinions without fear or favour on this blog.

And lastly, we’re leaving some things behind. We’ll no longer be involved with the Good Funeral Awards. We think it’s time for new ways of celebrating what is good in the world of funerals.

Watch this space.

Happy New Year from all at Team GFG

Funeral Florist of the Year 2017

 

All finalists in this category showed not only great floristry skills but also an understanding of the sensitivity needed to work with clients who have been bereaved.

The importance of having a good working relationship with funeral directors is also paramount, and the judges took this into consideration when making their decision.

Winner: Rebecca Sharp of Dazzle Me Daisy Do

Runner up: Rosie Orr of Flowers by Rosie Orr

 

Photograph by Jayne Lloyd

The 2017 Good Funeral Awards were generously sponsored by Greenfield Creations

 

 

Green Reaper: Should alkaline hydrolysis be regulated in England and Wales on environmental grounds?

A report by Matilda Munro
This blog post is an adapted version of a project completed by Matilda Munro in October 2016 as part of her Natural Sciences BSc at the Open University.

In the United Kingdom there are two main methods for disposing of the dead: cremation and burial.

Over time, cremation has increased in popularity with it now representing what happens to almost three quarters of people (The Cremation Society of Great Britain, 2015).

Cremation and burial have different environmental impacts – and within each there is variation depending on particular choices made (such as type of coffin).  In cremation, the body is destroyed through burning which uses a high amount of non-renewable energy.  In contrast, in burial the body decomposes slowly over time – however, in a standard burial when the body is placed deep in the ground, decomposition results in the emission of methane which is a greenhouse gas and contributes to global warming (TNO, 2011).

New processes are also in existence which are not yet regulated in England and Wales.  One process in this category is alkaline hydrolysis. In brief, this involves the body being dissolved in an alkaline solution at high temperature and pressure, leaving bone ‘ash’ remains.

Those involved in the invention of refined alkaline hydrolysis methods, as well as the wider funeral industry have tried to persuade the Ministry of Justice that alkaline hydrolysis should be covered by existing legislation which covers cremation.  However, this argument has been rejected to date by the government who say that since the cremation legislation references ‘burning’, it cannot be applied to alkaline hydrolysis (Thomas, 2010).  This means that whilst disposing of a body through alkaline hydrolysis would not be technically illegal (provided the disposal posed no risk to public health and would not offend public decency), it would be an entirely unregulated industry. All parties involved in the industry are keen that it should be regulated from the start and hence new legislation would be desirable prior to its introduction. Regulation would provide safeguards and minimum standards, as it does for cremation and burial.

What is alkaline hydrolysis?
The process from start to finish, as explained by Sandy Sullivan the Managing Director of Resomation Ltd. (2009):

  1. The body, which is inside a silk or wool coffin, is placed inside the machine.
  2. The machine calculates the weight of the body so the right amount of water and potassium hydroxide (an alkali) is added automatically.
  3. The liquid is heated and held under pressure to speed up the process.
  4. The contents are then cooled by cold water.
  5. The liquid contents are drained away – this is organic matter with no DNA traces.  In a standard cremation, this would have gone up the chimney of the crematorium. Here it is going to the water table.
  6. Porous bones are left in the Resomator
  7. These remains are rinsed, and dried.
  8. A cremulator reduces the bones to a fine powder, as in cremation.
  9. The resultant ash is pure white and can be returned to families in an urn.

Evidence regarding the environmental impact of alkaline hydrolysis in comparison to burial and cremation
A Life Cycle Analysis of different funeral techniques in the Netherlands was conducted with a view to concluding which method of disposal had the lowest environmental impact by TNO, the Netherlands Organisation for applied scientific research (TNO, 2011). In their research, they consider the life cycle to include the gathering of raw materials (such as those to make a coffin), preparations (such as digging a grave or heating a crematorium), carrying out the method, maintenance, processing residues and finally any transport between these steps.

TNO research (2011, see Table 1 below) shows that alkaline hydrolysis has the lowest impact across the categories measured.  In some instances this is due to the environmental ‘savings’ from being able to recycle things such as metals.  It is the highest contributor in the category of eutrophication.  This can be altered depending on where the ashes are scattered.  With particular reference to its impact on global warming, it can be seen to have a much lower impact than either burial or cremation (Figure 1).

Which method has the smallest environmental impact?

Table 1: Table of results from TNO (2011) showing the different environmental impacts of the disposal techniques

Impact category Unit Burial (average) Cremation (average) Alkaline hydrolysis
Abiotic depletion (ADP) kg Sb eq 1.26 0.82 -0.11
Acidification (AP) kg SO2 eq 1.35  0.67 -0.34
Eutrophication (EP) kg PO43- eq 0.75 0.76 1.08
Global warming (GWP) kg CO2 eq 180.3  79.9 -31.8
Ozone layer depletion (ODP) kg CFC11 eq 1.84E-05 5.53E-06 2.18E-06
Human toxicity (HTP) kg 1,4- DCB eq 115 54 -77
Fresh water aquatic ecotoxicity (FAETP) kg 1,4- DCB eq 34.6 -0.0 -40.0
Terrestrial ecotoxicity (TETP) kg 1,4- DCB eq 2.53 2.30 -0.58
Photochemical oxidation (POCP) kg C2H2 eq 0.16 0.06 -0.01
Land competition (LC) m2.year 259.8 70.0 7.0


Figure 1: The impact on global warming of burial, cremation and alkaline hydrolysis, based on the TNO (2011) data

The table above (TNO, 2011) and Figure 1 show that alkaline hydrolysis has lower impacts than burial and cremation in all areas apart from eutrophication and that burial has the highest impact in all areas apart from eutrophication, with cremation in between. Out of the three methods, it is therefore the most sustainable.

The reliability of the findings
TNO were commissioned to carry out this research by Yarden, a large funeral organisation in the Netherlands.  Whilst there is a potential that the vested interest of Yarden could have an influence on the findings, TNO are a reputable organisation employed to give an independent opinion.  The data for cremation and burial was provided by Yarden as they are one of the largest funeral organisations and therefore have a significant amount of data.  For alkaline hydrolysis, the data was based on hypothetical information provided by Resomation Ltd.  This does raise some issues since it is in Resomation Ltd’s interest that it can sell itself as environmentally superior than other available options.  However, in 2014, the research was updated to included actual data from Resomation Ltd. as by that point they did have data for the disposal of human remains using this method. They did not find that using the real rather than theoretical data changed their findings in any way (TNO, 2014). This data is based on average practices across the disposal methods in the Netherlands and individual choices for the funeral or memorial can easily counterbalance any environmental saving from the disposal method. For example, if a family chooses to have someone disposed of through alkaline hydrolysis, but then they fly the whole family to the Maldives to scatter the ashes, the environmental impact will be very different to a local funeral.

Apart from the TNO study of 2011, and its 2014 update, there is limited independent data specifically comparing the environmental impact of burial, cremation and alkaline hydrolysis.  This is predominantly due to alkaline hydrolysis being a new method and therefore data being limited.  It is possible that new studies will now take place in Scotland following the change in legislation there.  It would be useful to have data like TNO’s, looking at a Life Cycle Analysis within the UK rather than in the Netherlands.  The likelihood is the results would be similar as practices in both countries are more comparable than, for example, practices between the UK and United States where burial is still dominant and embalming is more widespread.  However, additional data from Scotland would be useful.  Notwithstanding the lack of local data, it seems unlikely that vastly different environmental conclusions would come out of further study. Given increasing population and increasing concerns regarding global warming and emissions in particular, it could be argued there is enough evidence that alkaline hydrolysis should be regulated – then it is up to the consumer to make the choice between the methods.

The views of people within the funeral industry, excluding those directly responsible for alkaline hydrolysis
The Cremation Society of Great Britain was founded in 1874 and from its inception, was open to the idea that in the future, a better means of disposal than cremation may come into existence. The original declaration stated: “Until some better method is devised we desire to adopt that usually known as cremation” (Cremation Society of Great Britain, 1999). In 2008, the Cremation Society changed their constitution to allow them to accommodate alkaline hydrolysis (Sullivan, 2009). In some states in the United States where the process is used, it is referred to as bio-cremation.  Other organisations such as Co-operative Funeralcare which is one of the largest funeral directors in the UK have also expressed their support for alkaline hydrolysis as a process. In particular, they state that the environmental considerations are significant as people do want to end their life in a more environmentally friendly way (Thomas, 2010).

However, some involved in cremation do not accept the environmental argument in favour of alkaline hydrolysis.  Andrew Platts of Crystal Air Solutions, for example, argues that crematoria can be carbon neutral if the heat is recycled and suitable scrubbers are fitted on the chimneys (Thomas, 2010).

The views of those behind the technique of alkaline hydrolysis
There is one company leading the way promoting alkaline hydrolysis, both in the UK and abroad.  That company is Resomation Ltd., founded by Sandy Sullivan in Scotland in 2007 with the aim of promoting alkaline hydrolysis (which they call Resomation®) globally.  They have patents pending on particular aspects of their technology and are the first company to have used the method to dispose of human remains in the United States (Resomation®, 2016b).  Their view, unsurprisingly, is that their method of disposal provides a credible alternative to both cremation and burial – and that it represents a more environmentally friendly method than cremation.

The views of the government and the current legal situationFundamentally, alkaline hydrolysis is not illegal – but there is no legal framework by which it could be regulated as an industry in England and Wales.  As explained by White (2011), the Ministry of Justice decided in 2009 that the existing Act regulating cremation cannot be applied to alkaline hydrolysis since it specifically references burning and they do not accept that alkaline hydrolysis is burning.   In 2012, when alkaline hydrolysis had not yet been tried, the Under Secretary of State for Justice said that the “Government will follow with interest the progress of trials [of the alkaline hydrolysis process] in Europe and the United States” (House of Commons, 2012). In the summer of 2016, the Scottish parliament passed legislation regulating alkaline hydrolysis using their existing legislation around cremation (Scotland, Burial and Cremation (Scotland) Act 2016, s.99.1).  This has now, arguably, put additional pressure on the Ministry of Justice to pass the equivalent legislation in England and Wales.

Opposition to alkaline hydrolysis as a process
There is very limited opposition to the idea of alkaline hydrolysis as a process. In general, opposition is made due to public health concerns regarding the disposal of the liquid remains (effluent) after the process is completed, though there is no evidence that it poses a public health risk.  Some people argue that it is undignified and disrespectful to the deceased, or that the high pressure, high temperature unit could be dangerous (Olson, 2014).

Whilst people may initially feel disgusted or unsure of the method, once properly explained there is no reason why it could not end up as popular a choice as cremation is today.  Indeed, when cremation was first introduced, it was not popular but has increased in uptake year on year (Cremation Society, 2015).  Where in cremation organic matter goes up a chimney, with alkaline hydrolysis, it is returned to the water table (it has more in common with burial in this respect) (Resomation®, 2016a). In funeral homes where it has been introduced in the United States, many families are choosing to sit alongside the alkaline hydrolysis machine during the process (Sullivan, 2009).

With regard to the public health argument, when Resomation Ltd. discussed how the effluent could be disposed of in the UK, all major water companies confirmed that it would be possible for it to be entered into the mains water system for processing in the usual way.  No DNA material survives the alkaline hydrolysis process so what is left is a sterile liquid (Thomas, 2010). Whilst this means water returned to homes as drinking water could indeed have come from this process, this is no different to water coming from waste treatment plants.

Proposed Solution
Given alkaline hydrolysis is not technically illegal, and given there seems to be strong consensus that as a method of disposal, it ought to be offered in England and Wales as an environmentally friendly alternative to burial or cremation, it is possible that the Cremation Society of Great Britain, or other large bodies in the industry will ‘self-regulate’ the process – particularly as it has now been covered by specific legislation in Scotland.  If this were to happen, the risk would be that the government would have to react and legislate retrospectively rather than proactively, now, while the industry do not provide alkaline hydrolysis as an option for disposal. This matter has now been ongoing since 2009 and the situation in Scotland does apply additional pressure to the government of England and Wales.  Why should the same method be regulated on one side of the border and unregulated or unavailable on the other?

In England and Wales, there are two main ways that the Secretary of State could regulate alkaline hydrolysis.  One involves amending the Cremation Act of 1902, and the other involves using powers from the Public Health (Control of Disease) Act 1984. For the Cremation Act of 1902 to apply to alkaline hydrolysis, this Act would have to be amended and passed by parliament.  Draft legislation to this end was produced by White (2011) who is also a member of the Council of the Cremation Society of Great Britain.  This shows that there is support for this legislation even in areas from which one might expect to find opposition.

Conclusion
Under current legislation, whilst any method of disposal that does not offend public decency or cause a risk to public health is permitted, the methods which are regulated by government legislation are burial and cremation.  Between these two methods, the evidence shows that cremation is more sustainable than burial.  When alkaline hydrolysis is considered, the environmental arguments in its favour are strong, and backed with independent evidence. The first cremation took place in 1886 in Woking, as organised by the Cremation Society of Great Britain who then worked hard to bring about the Cremation Act of 1902.  It is perhaps significant that cremation started before being fully legislated (as it too would not have been illegal for the same reasons alkaline hydrolysis is not illegal today).  If the government accepts that it is preferable to legislate in advance rather than retrospectively, then they will need to act soon.  The government has the opportunity, along with 13 states in the United States and Scotland, to be global leaders in this sustainable method for the disposal of human remains.

Update:
In April 2017, it was announced that Sandwell Council has approved plans to extend Rowley Regis Crematorium to house a Resomator machine. See here.

References
Cameo (2016) Sharing the burden [Online]. Available at http://www.cameoonline.org.uk/ (Accessed 19 September 2016)

The Cremation Society of Great Britain (1974) History of Modern Cremation in Great Britain from 1874: The First Hundred Years [Online]. Available at http://www.srgw.info/CremSoc/History/HistSocy.html#introduction (Accessed 27 September 2016)

The Cremation Society of Great Britain (2015) Progress of cremation in England and Wales Scotland and N. Ireland 1885-2014 [Online]. Available at http://www.srgw.info/CremSoc4/Stats/National/ProgressF.html  (Accessed 12 September 2016)

House of Commons (2012) Hansard, 5 September, Volume 549, Column 354 [Online]. Available at  https://hansard.parliament.uk/Commons/2012-09-05/debates/12090536000002/BurialSpace?highlight=alkaline%20hydrolysis#contribution-12090536001265 (Accessed 29 September 2016).

Lockart, Z. (2016) Green Reaper [Collage]. Private collection.

The Mayo Clinic (2016) Body donation at Mayo Clinic [Online]. Available at http://www.mayoclinic.org/body-donation/biocremation-resomation (Accessed 15 September 2016)

Ministry of Justice (2007) Burial Grounds: The results of a survey of burial grounds in England and Wales [Online]. Available at https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/217908/burial_grounds_web_whole_plus_bookmarks.pdf (Accessed 29 September 2016)

Olson, P. (2014) ‘Flush and Bone: Funeralizing alkaline hydrolysis in the United States’, Science, Technology and Human Values, vol. 39, no. 5, pp. 666-693 [Online]. DOI: 10.1177/0162243914530475 (Accessed 21 September 2016)

Resomation® (2016a) A need for change [Online]. Available at http://resomation.com/about/need-for-change/ (Accessed 15 September 2016)

Resomation® (2016b) Who are we [Online]. Available at http://resomation.com/about/who-are-we/ (Accessed 15 September 2016)

Resomation® (2016c) News [Online]. Available at http://resomation.com/news/ (Accessed 15 September 2016)

Rumble, H., Troyer, T., Walter, T. and Woodthorpe, K. (2014) ‘Disposal or dispersal? Environmentalism and final treatment of the British dead’. Mortality, vol. 19, no. 3, pp. 243-260 [Online]. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/13576275.2014.920315 (Accessed 19 September 2016)

Scotland. Cremation and Burial (Scotland) Act 2016, a.s.p. 20.

Sullivan, S. (2009) ‘Resomation®: Update’, Pharos International, vol. 75, pp. 4-8.

Thomas, H. (2010) Resomation: The Debate (Part 1), Pharos International, vol. 76, pp. 4-8.

TNO (2011) Environmental impact of different funeral technologies, Utrecht, TNO, 034.24026.

TNO (2014) Environmental impacts of different funeral techniques – update of prior TNO research [Online]. Available at https://www.tno.nl/en/about-tno/news/2014/12/environmental-impacts-of-different-funeral-techniques-update-of-prior-tno-research/ (Accessed 19 September 2016)

White, S. (2011) ‘The Public Health (Aquification) (England and Wales) Regulations?’. Pharos International, vol. 77, pp. 10-11.

There will be cake

June is nearly here and with that comes two wonderful opportunities to meet with the Good Funeral Guide team, make some new friends from the #GoodFuneralGuild and talk all things funeral related whilst eating cake.

A Guild Gig

On Saturday 3rd June from 12pm, #GoodFuneralGuild member and all round nice guy Toby Angel will be hosting the first Guild Gig at his recently completed barrow in Cambridge.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with Toby’s interpretation of ancient burial barrows, redesigned to be beautiful and meaningful places for ashes to be stored, come along to see Willow Row.  It has a profound effect on most of the people who visit it and is a welcome alternative to the (often) depressing crematorium rose garden.

There’ll be a BBQ, much cake (including Toby’s youngest daughter’s famous lemon drizzle cake!) and lots of friendly conversation from lovely #GoodFuneralGuild members.  Bring along your children, dogs, sausages and spouses.  You don’t need to be a #GoodFuneralGuild member to come along.  The curious are very welcome!

If you’d like to come along, please email louise.winter@goodfuneralguide.co.uk

A Guild Gig
Saturday 3rd June from 12pm at Willow Row, Cambridgeshire
Directions here

National Funeral Exhibition 2017

As Fran has already announced, we’ve raided our piggy banks and managed to fund a small stand at the National Funeral Exhibition at Stoneleigh Park in Warwickshire.

The GFG team – Fran Hall, Louise Winter, John Porter and the one and only Charles Cowling – will be serving up cake and conversation at the three day event from our small but beautiful stand.

If you’re going to be there and would like a break from the rows and rows of mortuary equipment, salesmen and free pens, then come along to chat with our team over a slice of complimentary cake.

We’ll in in Hall 1 on stand 146, hidden behind a mountain of cake (literally).

If you’re one of our recommended funeral directors, come along to our stand as soon as you arrive as we may have a little something for you.  #GoodFuneralGuild members – don’t forget to wear your pin with pride!

If you haven’t registered for THE event of Funeralworld yet, you can do so here.

National Funeral Exhibition
Friday 9th – Sunday 11th June 2017
Stoneleigh Park, Warwickshire

Something for the weekend

If you were at the crematorium this afternoon because someone has died, I’m sorry.

If you were at the crematorium this afternoon because someone has died, and you used the conveniences only to find them in the condition above, then on behalf of the UK funeral industry, I’m not only embarrassed but I’m also deeply sorry.

There are crematoria out there who are exemplary (see here). There are also crematoria out there who seem to have forgotten the reason for their existence – to serve the needs of bereaved families by providing funeral services.

Consider the general state of affairs of certain funeral providers – buildings in terrible condition, stained carpets, poor sound systems, unusable toilets and conveyor belt timings that only allow for 20 minute services. Have you ever tried to acknowledge a life and a death in 20 minutes? Never mind telling a grieving family member that they won’t be able to talk about their loved one because there just isn’t time.  And then having to tell them that the one available toilet on site isn’t actually working today.

We wouldn’t accept this in life. So why do we think it’s acceptable in death? How we treat death is ultimately how we treat life.  So it matters; it matters enormously.

I personally have no interest in a life symbolised by a toilet with a lid that doesn’t stay open, a hand drier that blows out cold air and used tissues all over the floor.

As funeral professionals, can we stop accepting the unacceptable on behalf of our grieving clients. If you are a professional who uses a crematoria as part of your work – ministers, celebrants, funeral directors, florists, attendants etc – then you are responsible.

It’s the people who are out on funerals every day who can make a difference. We’re very good at driving around bereaved people in shiny cars that have been polished twenty times. But we drop them off substandard crematoria which fail to meet anyone’s needs, never mind the needs of grieving people, who have little idea of what to expect and mostly accept anything.

That’s my Friday night rant over. Enjoy your weekend everyone.  I hope it looks nothing like the photos above. 

Louise

P.S. The photographs above were taken at a real crematorium before a real funeral at 4pm today in the South of England.  If you recognise it as your local crem, I am SO sorry that your local council thinks this is what you deserve.

P.P.S. The sticky mess on the toilet lid is an attempt to make the lid stay up when the toilet is being used.  It doesn’t work.  

Read this and weep

Grief Works is a collection of beautifully written stories of the many clients Julia Samuel has dealt with in 25 years of working with grief.  She writes about how she’s helped people to deal with the deaths of their parents, partners, siblings and children and face their own mortality.

Britain is awash with grief counsellors working from outdated models of grief.  Thinking has moved on since Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief so it’s refreshing to hear Julia’s positive, refreshing and flexible approach to dealing with death in our stiff-upper-lip society.

There’s a chapter about how we got into this state – from the Victorians who were brilliant at dealing with death but terrible with sex, to the generation of post-war children who learnt to suppress their grief and kept it tightly inside.  Keep calm and carry on.

Julia Samuel has been a grief psychotherapist for the last 25 years, dealing with people in the throes of grief in the NHS at St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington and in private practice.  She’s also the founder of Child Bereavement UK.

The way she talks to her clients, her flexible approach, her understanding that loss is terrifyingly complicated and affects everyone differently;  it’s all music to our ears.

We heard Julia talking on a panel at the Southbank Centre during the recent ‘How do we live with death?’ weekend.  “Grief is messy, chaotic and dark,” she told the audience before telling us that her way of coping with the intensity of her work is to have fun, kickbox and only watch funny films.

Grief Works is a brilliant reminder that there can be a life after death.  We highly recommend it as the book to read to have a better understanding of grief and learn a healthier way of dealing with it.

Read it, weep and learn.

Grief Works
by Julia Samuel

https://griefworks.co.uk/

‘Here’s Looking At You’ – The Good Grief Project

jo-b-harry-comp

“It’s a photo taken by someone who would die in 3 months, of her loved ones looking at her, with that knowledge. It’s quite a concept isn’t it? I see the tense smiles as well as the relaxed merry faces. I printed the three photos and joined them together and I put it in her coffin so that she had us all there with her on her journey.” Jo Bousfield

Good friends of the GFG, Jane and Jimmy Edmonds run the Good Grief Project. Set up after they experienced the sudden death of their son Josh, the purpose of the Good Grief Project is not only to share their experience of grief, but also to help others to find ‘an active and creative response to the expression of their grief.’

Yesterday, Jimmy posted these photographs on their website. They were taken by Harry Banks.

Harry’s mother, Jo Bousfield, is a trustee of the Good Grief Project, and Harry was terminally ill when she captured this moment, of the people she loved, looking at her, with the knowledge that she was dying.

Three months after taking the photographs, Harry died, aged 31. 

Read the post here.

International Work Group on Death, Dying & Bereavement Open Conference

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Today, somewhere in Scotland, leaders in the field of death, dying and bereavement will end a five-day meeting, and bid each other farewell until 2018, when the 30th gathering of the International Work Group on Death, Dying and Bereavement will convene.

Membership of the IWG is an honour bestowed by invitation only; founded in 1974 by, among others, Cicely Saunders and Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, the IWG is a non-profit organisation whose members must demonstrate leadership within thanatology within their country, and typically on an international level as well. While the majority of members are either in academia or the medical care professions, the organisation includes others who share a common bond of passionate intellectual and personal interest in the field of thanatology.

For the last week, around 140 people from around the world have been engaged in in-depth discussions on various death related topics – it is a kind of think tank on thanatology, with no agenda other than to explore the agreed upon topics. And last Saturday, the group hosted an open meeting in Glasgow where the public were able to glimpse the calibre and quality of some of the thought leaders and practitioners involved. The GFG was privileged to be invited to co-host a workshop at this conference on social aspects of death, dying and bereavement, and to attend the plenary presentations from some of the finest thinkers on the subject of our time. We also got to have dinner with the presenters the evening beforehand, which was quite an experience!

The one-day conference was hosted by Dame Barbara Monroe DBE, former Chief Executive of St. Christopher’s Hospice, a trustee of Marie Curie and Special Commissioner of the Royal Hospital Chelsea. Barbara’s opening address was challenging and bracing; “…some of our efforts to engage the public in talking about death, dying and bereavement have looked like us talking to ourselves” she said, “we need to find a wider variety of words.”

Professor Robert Neimeyer Ph.D from the University of Memphis, author of 30 books and almost 500 articles and book chapters and editor of the journal Death Studies was the first speaker, presenting psychological insights on ‘The Importance of Meaning’ alongside Dr. Neil Thompson, a highly experienced social work professional who offered sociological insights to the same subject.

Bob’s presentation was illustrated with a brief case study of an impoverished African-American mother contending with the murder of her young adult son. He explored the concept of adaptive grieving and the move towards integrated grief (the point where the finality of death is viscerally acknowledged). Neil reflected on a holistic approach to meaning, the personal, cultural and structural influences and the fluidity of an individual’s experience. He explored the sociological context within which grief is experienced, the cultural norms and expectations, the structural power relations of class, race, gender, age, disability and language group frameworks which inform the unique experience of each individual.

The second presentation was given by Darcy Harris Ph.D, an Associate Professor and Thanatology Co-ordinator at King’s University, London, Ontario with a background in oncology, palliative care nursing and bereavement counselling. Darcy’s presentation examined grief from the perspective of social justice (the view that everyone deserves equal economic, political and social rights).

Most clinicians in end of life care and bereavement care are trained with an emphasis on the experience of the individual, often in isolation of the various contexts in which their lives are socially situated. Darcy where to buy cialis online forum explored the social and political underpinnings that inform individual perceptions, experiences and expectations, and discussed the social rules for grief, which cover who can be grieved, whether the relationship is valid, how long grief can last, how it is expressed / manifest and whether the type of death is acceptable.

Frustratingly, all four workshops were held simultaneously, leading to ‘workshop envy’ from both participants and workshop hosts – the three other sessions being held while we co-hosted a workshop on ‘Whose funeral is it?’ with Scottish bereavement consultant John Birrell were entitled ‘Ordinary People, Extraordinary Things, a community response to bereavement’, ‘Maximising child and family support after a bereavement – the role of networking’ and ‘Building community resilience and bringing remembrance into the open – Scotland’s answer to Dia de los Muertos’.

The afternoon continued with two further plenary sessions, the first from Professor David Clark, a sociologist at the University of Glasgow who leads the University of Glasgow End of Life Studies Group and who has a particular knowledge of the life and work of Dame Cicely Saunders, having edited her letters and selected publications. He is working on a biography to be published in 2018 on the centenary of her birth.

David’s presentation explored end of life issues around the world in the light of the anticipated significant increase in the global annual death toll from the current 56,000,000 people who currently die each year. He noted that the number of deaths in the entire 20th century is less than the number of people currently alive, and how the underlying assumption in palliative care is that the developing world should at some point catch up with the developed world – ‘the waiting room of history’ as conceptualised by historian Dipesh Chakrabarty.

David outlined his current work in a Wellcome Trust funded project investigating and conceptualising a comprehensive taxonomy of interventions at the end of life. His contribution was described by Dame Monroe as ‘a breath of academic fresh air’.

The final speaker of the day was Dr. Kenneth J. Doka, Professor of Gerontology and Senior Consultant to the Hospice Foundation in America. A prolific author (see here), Ken’s presentation highlighted the way that a sociological perspective has informed his work in thanatology, through a selective review of the work of pioneers in the field, including Durkheim, Talcott Parsons and Robert Fulton. He covered the dimensions of disenfranchised grief and the differences between intuitive and instrumental grief, issues arising from dissonant grief, grieving styles and post-mortem identity, and public and private grief in a gallop through the many aspects of his expertise.

It was an extraordinary experience to listen to such learned theorists and academics expound on their work in the area of death, dying and bereavement. The considered and thoughtful presentations were thought provoking and inspiring, and, like many of the other attendees, we came away feeling grateful to have been there to listen and absorb.

The International Work Group may not be well known outside academic circles, but the innovation and leadership that flows from the meeting of these minds influences both research and practice in the field of dying, death and bereavement, and ultimately affects us all.

We were privileged to meet some of the most influential thought leaders of our time in this field, and would like to thank John Birrell, Chair of the Planning Group for his kind invitation to take part in the conference.