They’re not patients. they’re dead
We have this kind of conflict with doctors sometimes when coming ringing on doors and kind of going like, “Hello, I’m a doctor.” “That’s lovely, what do you want?” “I’ve come to see a body.” “Will mine do? What do you mean by that? Oh, have you come to see a patient?” “They’re not patients, […]
No place like home
Now that most funeral directors have a website it’s a good time to review the way they receive visitors on their home page. It’s a darn difficult one to get right and no mistaking. After all, no one wants to buy a funeral. So how do you allay fears, define and differentiate yourself, inspire warmth […]
Maggie ding-dong spreads to the dead
Here’s an exchange between readers in the comments column of this article in the Guardian: @MMTRocks – Thatcher was elected because the country could see the chaos and corruption of Scargill and the Left. That is a fact. Can you even begin to imagine where this country would have been? Do you honestly think the […]
Live funeral music provides profound solace
Posted by Malu Swayne, creator of No Sad Songs ED’s NOTE: We have spent quite a lot of time talking to Malu and we think she is a thoroughly good thing. Classically trained herself, she has a wide range of really good musicians to call on. Like our friends at Threnody, we feel there’s nothing […]
Where do you want to be buried?
Posted by Richard Rawlinson I’m extending the Easter holiday with a visit to a village in Bordeaux, where my friends’ house overlooks the graveyard of a Medieval church. With death oft going unseen and unspoken in our secular times, a graveyard is a reminder of our mortality, prompting us to contemplate the inevitable final day, […]
If small is beautiful, look lovely
There isn’t a single successful business in Britain that doesn’t seek to grow through mergers and acquisitions. Consolidation, they call it. It’s a factor of competitive capitalism. Or greed, if you prefer. Whichever. The bigger you are, the more efficiently you can trade. Efficiency enables you to bring your prices down, blow off competitors — […]
EXCLUSIVE: It’s going to be one wacky sendoff for Downton’s Matthew
The GFG can exclusively reveal that Downton star Matthew Crawley will be cremated in a way-out guerilla funeral on the ancestral estate in a ritual created by the grief-stricken family. Devotees of toff-soap Downton Abbey were left dazed and heartbroken at the end of the 2012 Christmas special when heir Matthew Crawley was violently killed […]
Ask not what you can do for the bereaved; ask what the bereaved can do for themselves
SCENE – A village wedding. Church bells. Assorted villagers have assembled at the lych gate waiting for a glimpse of the bride. They are joined by a TOURIST who happily happens to speak perfect English. VILLAGER: There she is! Just coming round the corner now. Ooh, it’s a Rolls! TOURIST: Who’s that walking in front […]
People’s undertaker doing fine
The Co-operative Group reports that, for the 53 weeks ended 5 January 2013, funerals revenue was up 6.4% to £348m, with operating profit up to £60m from £55m.
Is competition among celebrants killing off the fittest?
The funeral was in full swing and the celebrant was midway through that thing about life being a river that gets wider and wider when his phone went off in his trousers pocket. He furtively squeezed it into silence as he stumbled on. It may have been something by Kahlil Gibran. The phone shrilled out […]
